Dissociation
Since I got back from America, I've felt detached from my body. I've sorta grown used to it- this feeling that I am not caring for myself but for another person, that I am not walking but lugging around extra weight. It takes some persuasion to get my limbs to move and in the morning, I have to flex my body into life. I touch legs, ribs, arms, feet, but they don't feel familiar any more. Perhaps due to the coffee I had earlier, I currently feel like a bunch of disconnected parts, like a broken doll. I lie down and they all sorta jumble together and become heavier, heavier.
I just ran across the living room a bunch of times, felt better for a few minutes, as if I'd sewn myself back up again. Then the threads loosen, disconnect, and I'm again a mind with a growth, not a human.
It bothers me a little. I know these are signs of dissociation, I'm quite certain that's what it is. I'm sure other people would be more worried, but this used to happen periodically, starting perhaps in June or July.
I just need to study but it won't get out of my head.
So I post it here.
I just ran across the living room a bunch of times, felt better for a few minutes, as if I'd sewn myself back up again. Then the threads loosen, disconnect, and I'm again a mind with a growth, not a human.
It bothers me a little. I know these are signs of dissociation, I'm quite certain that's what it is. I'm sure other people would be more worried, but this used to happen periodically, starting perhaps in June or July.
I just need to study but it won't get out of my head.
So I post it here.