smacked upside the head with a brick

[ephcrane]

So... my world was turned upside down today when after picking up my roomie from the airport we went to eat. Sat and caught up while we ate. When we were done eating waiting for the bill she tells me "so yeah i'm moving home" <> Yea i knew it was coming but i figured i had another year at least. No i have 5 months to figure out where i'm gonna live and how i'm gonna afford it all. I'm just floored. Well it was a good 7 months up to this point - i guess happy new year? i dont even know what to think or do with myself. I'm sticking down here dammit. None of this "how long until you move back to jersey" crap for me. I made a decision and i'm fucking sticking with it. When the going gets tough I don't run. I'm not mad at her nor am i implicating her in the running - seriously i'm not i'm just frustrated. And as selfish as it sounds i'm in a "what's going to happen with me?" now phase. THis fucking sucks. I have to move all my stuff and i have to do it all alone. No one here to help me out - i mean yea i have friends - some can be relied on - they're leaving florida too soon, and some who can sometimes be relied on. So now my security blanket is leaving. When i come home its gonna be - well what should i eat for dinner since i'm all alone - not hey what do you want to cook tonight? Its gonna be lonely all by myself. I'm having a pity party for one right now. I need to buckle down and figure shit out. It was so much easier to go through the motions and coast then have to deal with it. I guess its good she's moving out - makes me have to get all my shit together.

I'm hurt, I am - i'm scared and upset -- but i'll live eventually. Just a crappy start to the new year.