EMO LJ POST INC!
Honor, hypocrisy, flexibility, consistency of one's worldview. Things I think about late at night when I've got insomnia and I'm feeling hurt. I trust people at their word, even when it's something ridiculous like "I'll be your friend forever", because I actually stick by my word in the long run. Sure I may go bonkers every few years and have a nervous breakdown or become majorly addicted to a substance or whatever, but in the end I have ALWAYS come around and I always will. That's why it bugs me so much that some people aren't that flexible or whatever, especially people I deeply trusted. Trust is such a huge issue with me I don't even know which end is up anymore, so I sort of decided to say "heck with it" and focus my mental energies on progress. I worry that I might be sort of abandoning my humanity, but it seems like it's either that or keep spiralling down the rabbit hole of self-annihilation as my faith gets chipped and eroded at every turn. Thanks for that. I hope the people who have contributed to my learning what a terrible judge of character I am read this. I know it's ridiculously demanding of me to expect people to keep promises they made in emotional states 15 or 20 years ago, but I do, so why should I give them a pass if I'm so fucking hard on myself? I shouldn't, that's the answer, but there's the catch: Part of my belief system is that anybody can change for the better OR worse and I should allow for that to happen. After all, who am I to judge?