(no subject)
Okay, I need to do some sharing. Rod still hasn't called or emailed, and I know he must have checked it by now because he works Thursdays. I left him another voicemail tonight "Hi Rod it's Michelle. I'm angry with you, and I hate being angry, so please call me so I can see your heart again. I love you. Bye." I need to talk to God, so here I go.
Father, I don't want to stuff these feelings. I am angry, and hurt. I worship you, Father. You are my sustaining power, not a relationship with Rod. I live to you, not to him. I prayed for him earlier, and I pray for him again, Father. Be with him. Cradle him in your arms. Thank you that you love me anyway. You are blessing my life so much. Continue, Father! I invite your blessing in my life! Pour out all the blessings you have for me, that I might overflow with joy. Let me live as who I was meant to be!
Father, I lift up to you as a sacrifice tonight this relationship with Rod. You said you gave me to him to walk with him. Amen--just because it appears I am not walking with him now, doesn't mean the previous sentence isn't true. What is this walking with him supposed to look like right now? ... I am still being faithful to him even now (God gave me one word the night Rod told me his particular struggles: "faithful"). This is still walking with him. Father, you gave me to him to do this? To "walk" in faithfulness even when he hurts me. Even when he makes me angry. ... I'm not doing this for him. I'm doing it for You. You called me to do this-- How can I respond to him, doing something for him--in a way I can't, because he isn't allowing me to! All I can do are things for You, unto You, because I can only do what I see you doing. Rod won't let me see anything he is doing, but You let me see what You are doing with me ... just having me be faithful.
Well I guess I can do that.
Now I just miss him. I don't feel as angry with him anymore. I feel sad. Would you comfort me, Father?
Father, I don't want to stuff these feelings. I am angry, and hurt. I worship you, Father. You are my sustaining power, not a relationship with Rod. I live to you, not to him. I prayed for him earlier, and I pray for him again, Father. Be with him. Cradle him in your arms. Thank you that you love me anyway. You are blessing my life so much. Continue, Father! I invite your blessing in my life! Pour out all the blessings you have for me, that I might overflow with joy. Let me live as who I was meant to be!
Father, I lift up to you as a sacrifice tonight this relationship with Rod. You said you gave me to him to walk with him. Amen--just because it appears I am not walking with him now, doesn't mean the previous sentence isn't true. What is this walking with him supposed to look like right now? ... I am still being faithful to him even now (God gave me one word the night Rod told me his particular struggles: "faithful"). This is still walking with him. Father, you gave me to him to do this? To "walk" in faithfulness even when he hurts me. Even when he makes me angry. ... I'm not doing this for him. I'm doing it for You. You called me to do this-- How can I respond to him, doing something for him--in a way I can't, because he isn't allowing me to! All I can do are things for You, unto You, because I can only do what I see you doing. Rod won't let me see anything he is doing, but You let me see what You are doing with me ... just having me be faithful.
Well I guess I can do that.
Now I just miss him. I don't feel as angry with him anymore. I feel sad. Would you comfort me, Father?