Driven By Eternity
Hello Friends,
I've been reading how we are all given gifts and abilities by the Lord, and wondering again just what He has given me. He's obviously given me a lot, but I am wondering again exactly what it is and how he desires me to use it for Him. He is surprising, and often we have what we think we don't, and are asked to work for Him in ways that seem impossible or really undesireable.
I've been so happy today that my voice is doing so well. (At one point I feel like God might have said it's going to get better from here on out, and I was about to ask him for clarification, then said "Lord, I'm not sure I even want to know!" I'm afraid it will go bad again ... but I stand in trust in the Lord though my emotions scream!) ... When I was asking God about my calling earlier this year, He told me to use my voice for His glory. What does that mean, Lord?
When I was asking Him what I am called to in this Body, I felt like He was saying it was whatever He called me to at the time: encouraging, discerning, leading, teaching, praying, etc. He's obviously called me to be a leader ... Lord, is there something more specific you wish to say to me about this?
"In hearing this, I reflect on 1992 when God instructed me to write. I almost laughed in unbelief to what I'd heard in my heart in prayer. I hated English! If anyone had said I would write a book, I would have laughed him out of the room. However, ten months later two women came to me within two weeks of each other and gave me the same prophetic word: 'John, if you don't write what God has given you to write, He'll give the message to someone else and you will be judged.' I trembled and stepped out in faith, and the rest is history. If I had not obeyed, someone else would have written the messages and I would have lost the talent entrusted to me." ~John Bevere
If anything lands in this category in my life, it's probably teaching. Lord, is this true? It seems to be the thing You have had me do that my flesh "hates" for various reasons, but sometimes I still question my calling to it. Is this just a job to give money while I am in Jackson and refine my faith through trial, or is it a long-term calling? Once I thought I heard from you that I was destined to be like Nancy Lange, the great high school choir director I student taught under. Part of me thinks that would be really cool, part thinks it's impossible for me, and part doesn't want it. I have this burning desire to perform, and I wonder what God wants to do with that, and how it's connected or not connected with teaching, and again just how God would have me glorify Him with my voice ... I'm glad I can do that--and I ask for the grace to do it Lord--to truly use this voice for YOUR glory!
Again, everything is so upside down in God's world--and I don't want to miss the point! Our lives look a little upside down already, so I guess in a way we can be encouraged "for he who loses his life will find it." I just want to lose it in obedience to Him, not because of stupidity or ignorance. Upside down things in my life (I could list them in many of yours too, but I'll stick to mine): My voice has struggled just when I seemed to be getting "noticed," I'm a teacher, I still live alone, I walk with people who can't seem to get along, I live far away from my Port Huron family and my natural family, I'm charismatic but I go to a very traditional church (hoping that this is in accordance with God's purposes) ... and in the midst of all this, God, what I need to do is function in your grace according to the gifts, abilities, truth, and calling entrusted to me--is it happening according to your will? Are there ways it should be that it isn't? Is this what you have called me to? I guess I'm seeking to reevaluate--and I'm so curious what you have in mind for me in the future! What do you want to tell me?
Friends, I ask for your input as well--often others' lives are so much more clear to us than our own!
Another thing I want to process is my desires ... I (think I) long for: a healthy, reliable voice and more chances to sing with orchestras, give recitals, study and grow (like in a graduate assistantship ... maybe take a break from teaching for a while to do this, though I might have to leave the state and that would be very hard, to be away from everyone). But God, where does this desire fit into or not fit into your plan? It's one of those things I sort of secretly long for, not sure if it's God's will, especially since right after I started lessons with Missy, it seems God put a stop to it. Did God allow the nodules at that time because it redirected me from a path that was not Him, or is that path one I will still take someday ... maybe in a different way? Or just different timing?
Another desire is to be married, and this one is so multi-faceted as well. I desire, or think I desire, a lot of things--things that would be in my husband, things to experience with him, with ministry, with natural family, domestic desires ... yet a sort of fear of all this too ... I think you're right, Stacy--I need a big smilie face on my forehead because I worry too much. :) But I still wonder what God will do with my desires. Will he grant them, or show me that it wasn't in his will, and I'll know I didn't really desire it I just thought I did, or I'll learn to accept that even though desiring it was okay, it's just not in God's plan.
Thoughts like this for years have made me afraid to desire. That's why it's important for me to look at what brings me joy right now ... because You want me to desire, right?
I've been reading how we are all given gifts and abilities by the Lord, and wondering again just what He has given me. He's obviously given me a lot, but I am wondering again exactly what it is and how he desires me to use it for Him. He is surprising, and often we have what we think we don't, and are asked to work for Him in ways that seem impossible or really undesireable.
I've been so happy today that my voice is doing so well. (At one point I feel like God might have said it's going to get better from here on out, and I was about to ask him for clarification, then said "Lord, I'm not sure I even want to know!" I'm afraid it will go bad again ... but I stand in trust in the Lord though my emotions scream!) ... When I was asking God about my calling earlier this year, He told me to use my voice for His glory. What does that mean, Lord?
When I was asking Him what I am called to in this Body, I felt like He was saying it was whatever He called me to at the time: encouraging, discerning, leading, teaching, praying, etc. He's obviously called me to be a leader ... Lord, is there something more specific you wish to say to me about this?
"In hearing this, I reflect on 1992 when God instructed me to write. I almost laughed in unbelief to what I'd heard in my heart in prayer. I hated English! If anyone had said I would write a book, I would have laughed him out of the room. However, ten months later two women came to me within two weeks of each other and gave me the same prophetic word: 'John, if you don't write what God has given you to write, He'll give the message to someone else and you will be judged.' I trembled and stepped out in faith, and the rest is history. If I had not obeyed, someone else would have written the messages and I would have lost the talent entrusted to me." ~John Bevere
If anything lands in this category in my life, it's probably teaching. Lord, is this true? It seems to be the thing You have had me do that my flesh "hates" for various reasons, but sometimes I still question my calling to it. Is this just a job to give money while I am in Jackson and refine my faith through trial, or is it a long-term calling? Once I thought I heard from you that I was destined to be like Nancy Lange, the great high school choir director I student taught under. Part of me thinks that would be really cool, part thinks it's impossible for me, and part doesn't want it. I have this burning desire to perform, and I wonder what God wants to do with that, and how it's connected or not connected with teaching, and again just how God would have me glorify Him with my voice ... I'm glad I can do that--and I ask for the grace to do it Lord--to truly use this voice for YOUR glory!
Again, everything is so upside down in God's world--and I don't want to miss the point! Our lives look a little upside down already, so I guess in a way we can be encouraged "for he who loses his life will find it." I just want to lose it in obedience to Him, not because of stupidity or ignorance. Upside down things in my life (I could list them in many of yours too, but I'll stick to mine): My voice has struggled just when I seemed to be getting "noticed," I'm a teacher, I still live alone, I walk with people who can't seem to get along, I live far away from my Port Huron family and my natural family, I'm charismatic but I go to a very traditional church (hoping that this is in accordance with God's purposes) ... and in the midst of all this, God, what I need to do is function in your grace according to the gifts, abilities, truth, and calling entrusted to me--is it happening according to your will? Are there ways it should be that it isn't? Is this what you have called me to? I guess I'm seeking to reevaluate--and I'm so curious what you have in mind for me in the future! What do you want to tell me?
Friends, I ask for your input as well--often others' lives are so much more clear to us than our own!
Another thing I want to process is my desires ... I (think I) long for: a healthy, reliable voice and more chances to sing with orchestras, give recitals, study and grow (like in a graduate assistantship ... maybe take a break from teaching for a while to do this, though I might have to leave the state and that would be very hard, to be away from everyone). But God, where does this desire fit into or not fit into your plan? It's one of those things I sort of secretly long for, not sure if it's God's will, especially since right after I started lessons with Missy, it seems God put a stop to it. Did God allow the nodules at that time because it redirected me from a path that was not Him, or is that path one I will still take someday ... maybe in a different way? Or just different timing?
Another desire is to be married, and this one is so multi-faceted as well. I desire, or think I desire, a lot of things--things that would be in my husband, things to experience with him, with ministry, with natural family, domestic desires ... yet a sort of fear of all this too ... I think you're right, Stacy--I need a big smilie face on my forehead because I worry too much. :) But I still wonder what God will do with my desires. Will he grant them, or show me that it wasn't in his will, and I'll know I didn't really desire it I just thought I did, or I'll learn to accept that even though desiring it was okay, it's just not in God's plan.
Thoughts like this for years have made me afraid to desire. That's why it's important for me to look at what brings me joy right now ... because You want me to desire, right?