Shadow Undies
Okay, I just watched James Marsters' movie "Shadow Puppets," and it was... yikes. It's so cute how James acts as though he's in a real movie. But seriously, the only saving grace (heh) is that James spends a good chunk of the movie in his undies. Don't get the wrong idea - if you're just watching for James, it's probably worth sitting through. But if you're looking for an actual psychological thriller, look elsewhere. It's the kind of movie you need to watch with other people, so you can make fun of it the whole time (and ogle JM). Sadly, I had no one to watch with me, so I did the next best thing - IM conversation during the movie! One of my dear Buffy-obsessed friends from college was lovely enough to chat with me throughout the whole thing, even though she wasn't actually watching the movie (and after our conversation, she probably never will). I've posted my play-by-play commentary (with occasional interjections from said friend, hereafter known as "K") behind the cut, for anyone else who doesn't want to watch alone - or who just wants to laugh. Obviously, this totally spoils the movie, so don't read if you intend to watch the movie and want to be surprised.
Eowyn0315 (9:18:46 PM): Shadow Undies!
(after 8 minutes of previews for really bad horror movies)
Eowyn0315 (9:26:49 PM): okay, movie starting!
Eowyn0315 (9:29:52 PM): now that was a decent scream... SMG should take lessons from her
Eowyn0315 (9:30:02 PM): okay, now she looks like monkey
Eowyn0315 (9:30:51 PM): lordy, she's a bad actress
Eowyn0315 (9:33:44 PM): oh, come on... I'm tired of this girl
Eowyn0315 (9:33:46 PM): I want JM
Eowyn0315 (9:34:15 PM): wait... I wasn't even paying attention, how'd she get out of the room?
Eowyn0315 (9:35:07 PM): let's watch again
Eowyn0315 (9:35:16 PM): oh, it magically unlocked
Eowyn0315 (9:35:19 PM): swell
Eowyn0315 (9:35:32 PM): I hate this evil thing already... it should've left her in there
K (9:35:54 PM): so the evil thing doesnt really have a form?
Eowyn0315 (9:36:20 PM): I don't know
Eowyn0315 (9:36:24 PM): I haven't seen it yet
Eowyn0315 (9:36:39 PM): so far it just bangs on things, makes the lights flicker, and unlocks doors
Eowyn0315 (9:37:22 PM): YAAAAAY! James!
Eowyn0315 (9:37:27 PM): aww, pretty
Eowyn0315 (9:37:50 PM): open the door, you dimwit!
Eowyn0315 (9:37:56 PM): let the beautiful man out!
Eowyn0315 (9:38:39 PM): aww, that lovely furrowed brow of confusion
Eowyn0315 (9:39:26 PM): "well, at least you look better in your underwear than I do" - James, honey, SOO not true
Eowyn0315 (9:39:49 PM): in his defense, he doesn't have a mirror
Eowyn0315 (9:41:31 PM): ha! he totally checked her out
Eowyn0315 (9:44:48 PM): don't go down the dark staircase!
Eowyn0315 (9:45:03 PM): you dumbass, have you never seen a horror movie?
Eowyn0315 (9:45:19 PM): what exactly are you going to do when you get down there, besides look for a light switch?
Eowyn0315 (9:47:02 PM): girl: "I think it's some sort of sensory deprivation room."
JM: "Fun."
Me: "Now, James, this is not the time for that."
Eowyn0315 (9:48:57 PM): um, why is she swimming?
Eowyn0315 (9:49:34 PM): lol, nerd boy has totally forgotten his predicament in favor of ogling naked girl swimming
Eowyn0315 (9:54:43 PM): damn!
Eowyn0315 (9:54:47 PM): JM found clothes
Eowyn0315 (9:55:38 PM): *ginormous crash* JM: Oops.
Eowyn0315 (9:56:14 PM): no! don't hurt little Jimmy!
Eowyn0315 (9:56:29 PM): he got kneed in the crotch
Eowyn0315 (9:59:12 PM): dude, that's your shadow...
Eowyn0315 (9:59:16 PM): oh
Eowyn0315 (9:59:28 PM): Shadow... Puppets... I get it
K (10:00:25 PM): do the shadows come to life and wreak havoc?
Eowyn0315 (10:00:31 PM): sort of
Eowyn0315 (10:00:38 PM): thus far, they growl and stab people
Eowyn0315 (10:04:54 PM): haha!
Eowyn0315 (10:04:58 PM): they totally hid in the locker
Eowyn0315 (10:05:09 PM): OMG! HEEEE!!!
Eowyn0315 (10:05:50 PM): JM: I am tired of people and things grabbing me from behind!
girl: Next time, I promise to grab you in the front.
Eowyn0315 (10:06:01 PM): me too, honey... me friggin' too
Eowyn0315 (10:11:55 PM): Tony Todd scares the crap out of me
K (10:12:19 PM): any particular reason?
Eowyn0315 (10:12:28 PM): well, I think he's crazy
Eowyn0315 (10:13:28 PM): and now he's urinating in public
Eowyn0315 (10:15:37 PM): *giggle snort*
Eowyn0315 (10:15:52 PM): I love the image of JM threatening Tony Todd with a teeny tiny scalpel
Eowyn0315 (10:16:49 PM): yes, let's UNCHAIN the crazy girl in the strait jacket
Eowyn0315 (10:17:07 PM): good plan
Eowyn0315 (10:17:49 PM): hey guys?
Eowyn0315 (10:17:55 PM): shadows... moving... pay attention
Eowyn0315 (10:18:00 PM): there ya go
Eowyn0315 (10:18:40 PM): yeah, good... stand there and wait for it to stab you
Eowyn0315 (10:19:11 PM): oops... lights out
Eowyn0315 (10:19:57 PM): no, Jimmy! don't do it! leave the bitch and run!
Eowyn0315 (10:20:31 PM): "she's still in here somewhere"
Eowyn0315 (10:20:38 PM): well, she's not answering, so she's probably dead...
Eowyn0315 (10:21:49 PM): um, you're in a mental hospital, and shadows are trying to kill you... are you SURE you're not crazy?
Eowyn0315 (10:24:33 PM): oh, look, they have names
Eowyn0315 (10:24:50 PM): and lockers
Eowyn0315 (10:26:50 PM): "there are no bad people here today" - what are you, a motivational speaker?
Eowyn0315 (10:29:42 PM): this movie is awesome...ly bad
Eowyn0315 (10:31:19 PM): goddammit!
Eowyn0315 (10:31:34 PM): they found their clothes... they're taking away my one pleasure here
K (10:36:31 PM): are you afraid of the scary movie?
K (10:36:33 PM): be honest
Eowyn0315 (10:36:38 PM): a little bit
K (10:36:38 PM): tony todd is coming to get you!
Eowyn0315 (10:36:45 PM): now he's got a gun
Eowyn0315 (10:37:49 PM): okay, now Tony Todd is really crazy
K (10:38:54 PM): what's he doing?
Eowyn0315 (10:39:02 PM): well, he shot a mirror
Eowyn0315 (10:39:13 PM): and then he ripped up a table that was bolted to the floor
Eowyn0315 (10:39:19 PM): and threw it through the mirror
Eowyn0315 (10:46:32 PM): I so totally don't get this plan
Eowyn0315 (10:47:02 PM): they need to turn on two computers, so they can turn off the power, so they can unlock the doors? what the fuck kind of sense does that make?
Eowyn0315 (10:50:36 PM): ooooooh
Eowyn0315 (10:50:44 PM): one of them is LYING
Eowyn0315 (10:51:44 PM): oh noes!
Eowyn0315 (10:51:57 PM): it's James
Eowyn0315 (10:52:41 PM): aww
Eowyn0315 (10:52:53 PM): oh snap! he's the doctor!
Eowyn0315 (10:53:14 PM): he's the one who wiped all their minds
Eowyn0315 (10:54:49 PM): oh damn, he's married to the girl I hate
Eowyn0315 (10:56:38 PM): JM: Take off your clothes, Doctor.
Eowyn0315 (10:56:58 PM): why does that sound kinky?
Eowyn0315 (11:00:10 PM): girl: You better make sure none of us escape and tell the world what you did here.
Eowyn0315 (11:00:21 PM): yes, good plan... tell the guy with the gun to MAKE SURE YOU DON’T ESCAPE!!!
Eowyn0315 (11:00:43 PM): god, I hate her
Eowyn0315 (11:01:39 PM): oh, wow, that was... actually smart
Eowyn0315 (11:01:57 PM): the shadow thing's afraid of light, so they jumped in the pool, which is lit
Eowyn0315 (11:02:07 PM): oh... but they did it by accident, so they're dumb
Eowyn0315 (11:02:41 PM): and now it's IN the water, so uh, bad plan all around, i guess
Eowyn0315 (11:02:49 PM): bye Amber
Eowyn0315 (11:04:39 PM): oh, don't do that
Eowyn0315 (11:04:57 PM): you're really really stupid
Eowyn0315 (11:05:04 PM): she trapped herself in a box...
Eowyn0315 (11:05:36 PM): perhaps thinking the shadow thing is claustrophobic and wouldn't follow her in?
Eowyn0315 (11:07:07 PM): OMG! he just made a Spike face!
Eowyn0315 (11:07:20 PM): or maybe it's just because he's all bloody...
Eowyn0315 (11:07:30 PM): aww... dead James
Eowyn0315 (11:11:12 PM): oh good, so they escaped... and let the shadow thing out into the world
Eowyn0315 (11:11:42 PM): so now it's... everywhere
Eowyn0315 (11:12:53 PM): oh yay, saved by the sunrise
Eowyn0315 (11:13:44 PM): it 'sploded
Eowyn0315 (11:14:13 PM): OMG she screamed again
Eowyn0315 (11:15:05 PM): you know what's funny?
Eowyn0315 (11:15:30 PM): they just escaped from a mental hospital... but after this traumatic experience, they're gonna need therapy
Eowyn0315 (11:15:50 PM): oh... my... *hurls* "Yesterday we were born. Today we live."
K (11:18:26 PM): I'm disgusted
Eowyn0315 (11:18:37 PM): me too
Eowyn0315 (11:25:55 PM): you know what the sad part is?
Eowyn0315 (11:26:06 PM): I'll probably watch this again before I return it... just because JM is in it
Eowyn0315 (9:18:46 PM): Shadow Undies!
(after 8 minutes of previews for really bad horror movies)
Eowyn0315 (9:26:49 PM): okay, movie starting!
Eowyn0315 (9:29:52 PM): now that was a decent scream... SMG should take lessons from her
Eowyn0315 (9:30:02 PM): okay, now she looks like monkey
Eowyn0315 (9:30:51 PM): lordy, she's a bad actress
Eowyn0315 (9:33:44 PM): oh, come on... I'm tired of this girl
Eowyn0315 (9:33:46 PM): I want JM
Eowyn0315 (9:34:15 PM): wait... I wasn't even paying attention, how'd she get out of the room?
Eowyn0315 (9:35:07 PM): let's watch again
Eowyn0315 (9:35:16 PM): oh, it magically unlocked
Eowyn0315 (9:35:19 PM): swell
Eowyn0315 (9:35:32 PM): I hate this evil thing already... it should've left her in there
K (9:35:54 PM): so the evil thing doesnt really have a form?
Eowyn0315 (9:36:20 PM): I don't know
Eowyn0315 (9:36:24 PM): I haven't seen it yet
Eowyn0315 (9:36:39 PM): so far it just bangs on things, makes the lights flicker, and unlocks doors
Eowyn0315 (9:37:22 PM): YAAAAAY! James!
Eowyn0315 (9:37:27 PM): aww, pretty
Eowyn0315 (9:37:50 PM): open the door, you dimwit!
Eowyn0315 (9:37:56 PM): let the beautiful man out!
Eowyn0315 (9:38:39 PM): aww, that lovely furrowed brow of confusion
Eowyn0315 (9:39:26 PM): "well, at least you look better in your underwear than I do" - James, honey, SOO not true
Eowyn0315 (9:39:49 PM): in his defense, he doesn't have a mirror
Eowyn0315 (9:41:31 PM): ha! he totally checked her out
Eowyn0315 (9:44:48 PM): don't go down the dark staircase!
Eowyn0315 (9:45:03 PM): you dumbass, have you never seen a horror movie?
Eowyn0315 (9:45:19 PM): what exactly are you going to do when you get down there, besides look for a light switch?
Eowyn0315 (9:47:02 PM): girl: "I think it's some sort of sensory deprivation room."
JM: "Fun."
Me: "Now, James, this is not the time for that."
Eowyn0315 (9:48:57 PM): um, why is she swimming?
Eowyn0315 (9:49:34 PM): lol, nerd boy has totally forgotten his predicament in favor of ogling naked girl swimming
Eowyn0315 (9:54:43 PM): damn!
Eowyn0315 (9:54:47 PM): JM found clothes
Eowyn0315 (9:55:38 PM): *ginormous crash* JM: Oops.
Eowyn0315 (9:56:14 PM): no! don't hurt little Jimmy!
Eowyn0315 (9:56:29 PM): he got kneed in the crotch
Eowyn0315 (9:59:12 PM): dude, that's your shadow...
Eowyn0315 (9:59:16 PM): oh
Eowyn0315 (9:59:28 PM): Shadow... Puppets... I get it
K (10:00:25 PM): do the shadows come to life and wreak havoc?
Eowyn0315 (10:00:31 PM): sort of
Eowyn0315 (10:00:38 PM): thus far, they growl and stab people
Eowyn0315 (10:04:54 PM): haha!
Eowyn0315 (10:04:58 PM): they totally hid in the locker
Eowyn0315 (10:05:09 PM): OMG! HEEEE!!!
Eowyn0315 (10:05:50 PM): JM: I am tired of people and things grabbing me from behind!
girl: Next time, I promise to grab you in the front.
Eowyn0315 (10:06:01 PM): me too, honey... me friggin' too
Eowyn0315 (10:11:55 PM): Tony Todd scares the crap out of me
K (10:12:19 PM): any particular reason?
Eowyn0315 (10:12:28 PM): well, I think he's crazy
Eowyn0315 (10:13:28 PM): and now he's urinating in public
Eowyn0315 (10:15:37 PM): *giggle snort*
Eowyn0315 (10:15:52 PM): I love the image of JM threatening Tony Todd with a teeny tiny scalpel
Eowyn0315 (10:16:49 PM): yes, let's UNCHAIN the crazy girl in the strait jacket
Eowyn0315 (10:17:07 PM): good plan
Eowyn0315 (10:17:49 PM): hey guys?
Eowyn0315 (10:17:55 PM): shadows... moving... pay attention
Eowyn0315 (10:18:00 PM): there ya go
Eowyn0315 (10:18:40 PM): yeah, good... stand there and wait for it to stab you
Eowyn0315 (10:19:11 PM): oops... lights out
Eowyn0315 (10:19:57 PM): no, Jimmy! don't do it! leave the bitch and run!
Eowyn0315 (10:20:31 PM): "she's still in here somewhere"
Eowyn0315 (10:20:38 PM): well, she's not answering, so she's probably dead...
Eowyn0315 (10:21:49 PM): um, you're in a mental hospital, and shadows are trying to kill you... are you SURE you're not crazy?
Eowyn0315 (10:24:33 PM): oh, look, they have names
Eowyn0315 (10:24:50 PM): and lockers
Eowyn0315 (10:26:50 PM): "there are no bad people here today" - what are you, a motivational speaker?
Eowyn0315 (10:29:42 PM): this movie is awesome...ly bad
Eowyn0315 (10:31:19 PM): goddammit!
Eowyn0315 (10:31:34 PM): they found their clothes... they're taking away my one pleasure here
K (10:36:31 PM): are you afraid of the scary movie?
K (10:36:33 PM): be honest
Eowyn0315 (10:36:38 PM): a little bit
K (10:36:38 PM): tony todd is coming to get you!
Eowyn0315 (10:36:45 PM): now he's got a gun
Eowyn0315 (10:37:49 PM): okay, now Tony Todd is really crazy
K (10:38:54 PM): what's he doing?
Eowyn0315 (10:39:02 PM): well, he shot a mirror
Eowyn0315 (10:39:13 PM): and then he ripped up a table that was bolted to the floor
Eowyn0315 (10:39:19 PM): and threw it through the mirror
Eowyn0315 (10:46:32 PM): I so totally don't get this plan
Eowyn0315 (10:47:02 PM): they need to turn on two computers, so they can turn off the power, so they can unlock the doors? what the fuck kind of sense does that make?
Eowyn0315 (10:50:36 PM): ooooooh
Eowyn0315 (10:50:44 PM): one of them is LYING
Eowyn0315 (10:51:44 PM): oh noes!
Eowyn0315 (10:51:57 PM): it's James
Eowyn0315 (10:52:41 PM): aww
Eowyn0315 (10:52:53 PM): oh snap! he's the doctor!
Eowyn0315 (10:53:14 PM): he's the one who wiped all their minds
Eowyn0315 (10:54:49 PM): oh damn, he's married to the girl I hate
Eowyn0315 (10:56:38 PM): JM: Take off your clothes, Doctor.
Eowyn0315 (10:56:58 PM): why does that sound kinky?
Eowyn0315 (11:00:10 PM): girl: You better make sure none of us escape and tell the world what you did here.
Eowyn0315 (11:00:21 PM): yes, good plan... tell the guy with the gun to MAKE SURE YOU DON’T ESCAPE!!!
Eowyn0315 (11:00:43 PM): god, I hate her
Eowyn0315 (11:01:39 PM): oh, wow, that was... actually smart
Eowyn0315 (11:01:57 PM): the shadow thing's afraid of light, so they jumped in the pool, which is lit
Eowyn0315 (11:02:07 PM): oh... but they did it by accident, so they're dumb
Eowyn0315 (11:02:41 PM): and now it's IN the water, so uh, bad plan all around, i guess
Eowyn0315 (11:02:49 PM): bye Amber
Eowyn0315 (11:04:39 PM): oh, don't do that
Eowyn0315 (11:04:57 PM): you're really really stupid
Eowyn0315 (11:05:04 PM): she trapped herself in a box...
Eowyn0315 (11:05:36 PM): perhaps thinking the shadow thing is claustrophobic and wouldn't follow her in?
Eowyn0315 (11:07:07 PM): OMG! he just made a Spike face!
Eowyn0315 (11:07:20 PM): or maybe it's just because he's all bloody...
Eowyn0315 (11:07:30 PM): aww... dead James
Eowyn0315 (11:11:12 PM): oh good, so they escaped... and let the shadow thing out into the world
Eowyn0315 (11:11:42 PM): so now it's... everywhere
Eowyn0315 (11:12:53 PM): oh yay, saved by the sunrise
Eowyn0315 (11:13:44 PM): it 'sploded
Eowyn0315 (11:14:13 PM): OMG she screamed again
Eowyn0315 (11:15:05 PM): you know what's funny?
Eowyn0315 (11:15:30 PM): they just escaped from a mental hospital... but after this traumatic experience, they're gonna need therapy
Eowyn0315 (11:15:50 PM): oh... my... *hurls* "Yesterday we were born. Today we live."
K (11:18:26 PM): I'm disgusted
Eowyn0315 (11:18:37 PM): me too
Eowyn0315 (11:25:55 PM): you know what the sad part is?
Eowyn0315 (11:26:06 PM): I'll probably watch this again before I return it... just because JM is in it