(no subject)
Things feel different. Ever since Sabrina left and I've had time on my own again I feel different. I used to always want my roommates around and not want to watch TV or go to Hy-Vee on my own, now it's all I want. I always wanted to force myself to do nothing but sit around and read; the bible, philosophy, book of five rings, etc., but was always too antsy to sit by myself and do it. Now I hope no one comes to my door and I'm left alone all day to read. Everything else feels different too, and this happens from time to time; the air feeling strange, i notice my own breathing, i become entranced by simple things like the sky, but i always snap out of it within an hour or day at most. this time i hope it stays, and expect it may. i've been able to change my habits, morals, the way people perceive me, and almost everything a person can change about themself. but all the while i've been obsessed with the idea that a person can change their own personality, drastically, with only effort. and i finally found what i need to do it, this new temporary change in myself has let me see what i need. it's a low followed by a catalyst.