I'm A Better President Than Kennedy (Don't Shoot My Head Off!)
EOIN MOORE FOR SGA PRESIDENT
Let us Be Frank,
Never before have there Been Assembled within one person as many of The Neccesary Faculties so as to make him suited for The Job of UMass Student Government President than in me.
I am fearless. I am audacious. I am bold. I am brave. I am courageous. I am dauntless. I am doughty. I am gallant. I am game. I am gamey. I am gamy. I am gritty. I am hardy. I am heroic. I am intrepid. I am lionhearted. I am manful. I am manlike. I am manly. I am mettlesome. I am spirited. I am spunky. I am stalwart. I am stouthearted. I am unafraid. I am unapprehensive. I am unblinking. I am undaunted. I am unfearing. I am unflinching. I am unfrightened. I am unintimidated. I am unshrinking. I am valiant. And I am valorous.
From these reasons alone it is clear that I a should become president. Let me give you a few more reasons.
In 1546 Nostradamus made a startling prediction. "At the palace of learning, a serpent will arise from wait and strangle the tree of knowledge for a three year span. It will take a tall stoner with brown hair who wears glasses to break that serpent's grasp."
The Writing's On The Wall, the truth more true than the fact that Destiny Child's first album was also their best. That serpent Nostradamus spoke of was the ALANA Caucus and it is strangling the lifeblood out of this campus. Do not vote for Aaron Buford. He represents an end to freedom and the rule of the serpent's fangs.
I am the tall fellow Nostradamus spoke of (6'4"). I represent what a person can truly do on this campus when she or he stops buying into the wool that is pulled over our eyes.
I have a far reaching agenda. At the crux of it involves illegally cloned meat. I want to get CLONED MEAT OUT OF OUR SCHOOLS!!!! It is irresponsible for the DC to give us cloned meat. Not only is it morally repugnant, but possibly (likely) unhealthy! Hey, Dolly the clone Died before Dolly the Sheep!
But I want to think big! Why call it quits at stopping cloned meat at UMass? I want to Stop Cloned Meat in All of America! As UMass President (of the SGA) I will be able to accomplish this goal.
I will support gambling on campus, and believe that our budget problems could be solved with a UMass Lotto! Umass equestrian team and equine studies could be turned into a profitable horse racing clinic. Come to UMass, home of the Van Meter Derby!
Let's face it, fellas. The other candidates are Boring Brians. My name is Eoin Moore. Let us reach for the stars, because if we miss, we'll hit the moon.
And yes, I meant that sexually...
Let us Be Frank,
Never before have there Been Assembled within one person as many of The Neccesary Faculties so as to make him suited for The Job of UMass Student Government President than in me.
I am fearless. I am audacious. I am bold. I am brave. I am courageous. I am dauntless. I am doughty. I am gallant. I am game. I am gamey. I am gamy. I am gritty. I am hardy. I am heroic. I am intrepid. I am lionhearted. I am manful. I am manlike. I am manly. I am mettlesome. I am spirited. I am spunky. I am stalwart. I am stouthearted. I am unafraid. I am unapprehensive. I am unblinking. I am undaunted. I am unfearing. I am unflinching. I am unfrightened. I am unintimidated. I am unshrinking. I am valiant. And I am valorous.
From these reasons alone it is clear that I a should become president. Let me give you a few more reasons.
In 1546 Nostradamus made a startling prediction. "At the palace of learning, a serpent will arise from wait and strangle the tree of knowledge for a three year span. It will take a tall stoner with brown hair who wears glasses to break that serpent's grasp."
The Writing's On The Wall, the truth more true than the fact that Destiny Child's first album was also their best. That serpent Nostradamus spoke of was the ALANA Caucus and it is strangling the lifeblood out of this campus. Do not vote for Aaron Buford. He represents an end to freedom and the rule of the serpent's fangs.
I am the tall fellow Nostradamus spoke of (6'4"). I represent what a person can truly do on this campus when she or he stops buying into the wool that is pulled over our eyes.
I have a far reaching agenda. At the crux of it involves illegally cloned meat. I want to get CLONED MEAT OUT OF OUR SCHOOLS!!!! It is irresponsible for the DC to give us cloned meat. Not only is it morally repugnant, but possibly (likely) unhealthy! Hey, Dolly the clone Died before Dolly the Sheep!
But I want to think big! Why call it quits at stopping cloned meat at UMass? I want to Stop Cloned Meat in All of America! As UMass President (of the SGA) I will be able to accomplish this goal.
I will support gambling on campus, and believe that our budget problems could be solved with a UMass Lotto! Umass equestrian team and equine studies could be turned into a profitable horse racing clinic. Come to UMass, home of the Van Meter Derby!
Let's face it, fellas. The other candidates are Boring Brians. My name is Eoin Moore. Let us reach for the stars, because if we miss, we'll hit the moon.
And yes, I meant that sexually...