(no subject)
I've been feeling very lost. I have been alive for a very long time and if asked, 'What do you like to do?' I would not have very interesting answers. I like food. I like biking around, although I don't really have any interest in learning how to fix them. I program for work, but I really don't feel any real desire to program afterward.
In the past I've had big explosions of interests, albeit short-lived. I was really interested in writing a SMS-controlled to-do list program. I was really interested in art history for a spell. When I was really young, I was even interested in collecting stamps. But they're always short-lived. At some point, I just stop seeing the point. I'm unable to push the meaninglessness of it aside to enjoy the fruit of being caught up in it.
I take small steps to improve my life in small ways. I get enough sleep. I don't despise work. My relationship is solid. But I've hit that interesting part in a relationship where you're no longer able to feed on the joy of the relationship to stave off the bitterness of your own life. We're comfortable with one another enough so that I have to look back at my life, the same way I did 3 years ago, and try to figure out what makes me happy.
Who am I trying to impress?
I feel like I've been stuck in existential limbo for years, when most people stay for a little while and then get swept back into life. But I'm always on the sidelines, thinking and thinking and thinking, and not able to move a muscle.
In the past I've had big explosions of interests, albeit short-lived. I was really interested in writing a SMS-controlled to-do list program. I was really interested in art history for a spell. When I was really young, I was even interested in collecting stamps. But they're always short-lived. At some point, I just stop seeing the point. I'm unable to push the meaninglessness of it aside to enjoy the fruit of being caught up in it.
I take small steps to improve my life in small ways. I get enough sleep. I don't despise work. My relationship is solid. But I've hit that interesting part in a relationship where you're no longer able to feed on the joy of the relationship to stave off the bitterness of your own life. We're comfortable with one another enough so that I have to look back at my life, the same way I did 3 years ago, and try to figure out what makes me happy.
Who am I trying to impress?
I feel like I've been stuck in existential limbo for years, when most people stay for a little while and then get swept back into life. But I'm always on the sidelines, thinking and thinking and thinking, and not able to move a muscle.