My Grade for The Golden Compass: F
I will tell you right now that this film review is not for people who haven't read the book.
In the opening scene of Philip Pullman's 1995 novel Northern Lights, aka The Golden Compass, Lyra Belacqua hides in a wardrobe at Jordan College to spy on the activities of its scholars and Lord Asriel. The fact that she hides in a wardrobe is a jab of Pullman's at C.S. Lewis's The Lion, The Witch, And The Wardrobe. From the beginning of the book, the first-time reader is mystified; what is a dæmon? There's a Jordan College at Oxford?
But the film, straight up, ruins this mystique. In the opening scene, a montage of characters and places are shown on the screen, and we are immediately told about the existence of parallel universes, the Panserbjørne (stupidly referred to as 'Ice Bears'), the Witches, the Gyptians, and Dust. What the fuck!
The rest of the movie is dull, tediously yet very quickly laying everything out for the viewer. There is no mystery, there is no question about who is good and evil. Coulter, the Magisterium, the Oblation Board, and Iofur Raknison (actually he is inexplicably renamed to 'Ragnar Sturlusson') are bad, and everyone else is good. Countless plot elements are changed: it is a representative from the Magisterium that attempts to poison Asriel, not the Master of the College, for example.
But the worst is the technology! Coulter's airship, one of the Gyptians' vessels, Lee Scoresby's balloon and even a horseless carriage that Lyra rides to Coulter's house in London are all powered by some sort of cliché glowing-ball-with-rings-that-spin-around-it reactor (watch the trailer for a glimpse of it). Photograms store video. The GOB's intercision cage looks like a 21st century medical scanner. Clearly this was thrown in to appeal to 13 year-old boys who want to see a steampunk movie.
Oh Hollywood, what movie CAN'T you ruin with CGI?
And lastly, the ending was terrible and pretty much nothing like the ending of the book, as the last several chapters from the book were simply amputated from the plot of the movie. I fully expected key parts of the story to be cut out, characters changed, expositions abbreviated, but change the ending? The director, Chris Weitz (who has also done such masterpieces as 'American Dreamz' and 'The Nutty Professor 2'), will manage to do what few directors have truly been able to accomplish: destroy a franchise's fan base with its very first film. Indeed, there was visible and audible consternation (dare I say, outright anger?) among everyone else in the theatre as the credits rolled.
The Golden Compass opens this Friday in theatres across the US...but don't waste your time. Read the trilogy instead.
--Eoban
In the opening scene of Philip Pullman's 1995 novel Northern Lights, aka The Golden Compass, Lyra Belacqua hides in a wardrobe at Jordan College to spy on the activities of its scholars and Lord Asriel. The fact that she hides in a wardrobe is a jab of Pullman's at C.S. Lewis's The Lion, The Witch, And The Wardrobe. From the beginning of the book, the first-time reader is mystified; what is a dæmon? There's a Jordan College at Oxford?
But the film, straight up, ruins this mystique. In the opening scene, a montage of characters and places are shown on the screen, and we are immediately told about the existence of parallel universes, the Panserbjørne (stupidly referred to as 'Ice Bears'), the Witches, the Gyptians, and Dust. What the fuck!
The rest of the movie is dull, tediously yet very quickly laying everything out for the viewer. There is no mystery, there is no question about who is good and evil. Coulter, the Magisterium, the Oblation Board, and Iofur Raknison (actually he is inexplicably renamed to 'Ragnar Sturlusson') are bad, and everyone else is good. Countless plot elements are changed: it is a representative from the Magisterium that attempts to poison Asriel, not the Master of the College, for example.
But the worst is the technology! Coulter's airship, one of the Gyptians' vessels, Lee Scoresby's balloon and even a horseless carriage that Lyra rides to Coulter's house in London are all powered by some sort of cliché glowing-ball-with-rings-that-spin-around-it reactor (watch the trailer for a glimpse of it). Photograms store video. The GOB's intercision cage looks like a 21st century medical scanner. Clearly this was thrown in to appeal to 13 year-old boys who want to see a steampunk movie.
Oh Hollywood, what movie CAN'T you ruin with CGI?
And lastly, the ending was terrible and pretty much nothing like the ending of the book, as the last several chapters from the book were simply amputated from the plot of the movie. I fully expected key parts of the story to be cut out, characters changed, expositions abbreviated, but change the ending? The director, Chris Weitz (who has also done such masterpieces as 'American Dreamz' and 'The Nutty Professor 2'), will manage to do what few directors have truly been able to accomplish: destroy a franchise's fan base with its very first film. Indeed, there was visible and audible consternation (dare I say, outright anger?) among everyone else in the theatre as the credits rolled.
The Golden Compass opens this Friday in theatres across the US...but don't waste your time. Read the trilogy instead.
--Eoban