Its complicated....
Has someone ever asked you a question and you can't even fathom the words to describe the situation?
Yeah, thats been my situation for a while now.
It all started with the surreal moment when I returned boxes of my ex's stuff to him. I had a minor "High Fidelity" Moment
(If you don't know what that means....watch the movie)
Sitting there talking to him, I realized that he really doesn't and didn't know me at all. Of course I had my very best bff Mike there with me who kept jabbing me and stepping on my foot when he would say something random. When we left and it was just Mike and I, Mike put it best when he said. "Damn, that bloke doesn't know you for shite!"
That when I had the several hours long conversation with Mike, where he told me point blank. "You don't open up to anyone" Which I have to admit is true. I mean I'm open to a point with friends but never really confided in anyone specific person. Mike made a good point that I jumped in his shit, when his marriage looked iffy and told him he needed to open up to his wife and let her in.
Basically it takes one to know one rule came into play. Anyone else could tell me this and I wouldve ignored them but hearing it from someone who I know does the exact same thing I do....it makes sense.
So after all the debating and self exploration on why I do this. I decided.....'What do I have to lose?"
So saturday I confided in Cochese, something Ive never spoken to any one about let alone myself out loud. To make it even more meaningful and purposeful I did it at the site, where a single decision I made over 13 years ago change my outlook on life.
I'm not going to get into it because it something I deal with on a daily basis and it still hurts after all those years....it never got easier and is going to take time.
But on the good side, after my veritaserum talk with cochese several days before. (He asked me to be honest and I was brutally honest). We are taking the steps...slow steps to work it out. Because honestly after what I said to him and the words we exchanged....it wouldve been DOA.
But for some odd reason he wants to work on it. BOTH of us are working on our faults, because I have some, I admitted it. in ordered to perserve our complicated situation.
So we shall see....for once in the last several weeks.....I'm content.