How to Get Through a Pat Down: Part 2
11:51 PM 12/19/2010
Warnings: Slash, language, use of human & nation names, OOC
Fandom: Axis Powers Hetalia
Pairing: Sweden/Finland, S.Korea/China, Turkey/Japan/Greece, Denmark/Norway, Holy Rome/Chibi Italia
Rated: T
Summary: The nations are getting ready to go home from America and have to go through the airports new pat down or scanner system. So how does everyone react?
Title: How to Get Through a Pat Down: Part 2
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"I don't see why we have to go through these pat downs. Shouldn't America have talked to his superiors about letting us pass those, aru?" China asked as he watched the people in front of them get pat down. France chuckled and replied, "I don't mind these pat downs. Why should you be ashamed to let some beautiful person touch your body?"
China gave him a dead panned look and said, "Of course YOU wouldn't care, Francis."
"Hey, hey! Can I give you a pat down, aniki?" South Korea suddenly interrupted with a carefree smile. Yao frowned and immediately crossed his arms over his chest as he replied, "No!" Yong Soo's smile disappeared as he pouted unhappily.
"If those agents think they're going to touch Liechtenstein then they're going to have a fight on their hands." Switzerland growled. Liechtenstein smiled slightly and rested her hand on her big brother's arm. "Calm down brother. I know they're not going to hurt me." Vash just grimaced a bit, but relaxed slightly as the line began to move. When it came to their turn the TSA agent motioned for Francis to come forth and said, "Please stand still for a moment, sir."
France smiled and said, "Of course, monsieur. Just allow me to do one thing first." With that he immediately flung off his clothes, ignoring the protests from everybody.
"Search away, good sir!" Francis exclaimed proudly. Switzerland growled and shouted, "Put your damn clothes back on you pervert!" He had covered Liechtenstein’s eyes as everyone else made sure to look away from him. France just frowned and looked at the flustered TSA agent.
"Y-You're free to go, sir." The agent stammered. Francis picked up his clothes and started pulling them on as the next person, who happened to be China stepped up. He stood still as the agent patted him down then moved on calmly.
"Yao! Why won't you let me give you a pat down, but you let this guy give you one?" South Korea asked with a pout. Yao just sighed and replied, "He's a professional, aru. It's his job." Yong Soo didn't even notice his own pat down as he argued with Yao. When it was over he turned to the agent and asked, "Since I let you give me a pat down does that mean your breast belong to me?"
"W-What? No, they do not sir!" The TSA agent exclaimed. Korea just grinned and quickly reached out to grope his chest then bounced away over to Yao. "Aniki!" He shouted happily as he pounced on China from behind, groping his chest as he giggled happily.
"G-Get off me, aru! Yong Soo!" Yao shouted angrily. Switzerland just sighed and shook his head then watched as Liechtenstein walked up to the agent.
"All right miss, just hold still a min--" The agent began to say, but before he could even lay a hand on her Liechtenstein was abruptly pulled away. Vash growled and glared at the man as he hissed, "How does she look like a suspicious person? She's the kindest and sweetest person I've ever known so don't you DARE touch her!" His fingers itched to pull out his gun and shoot the agent's dirty hand.
"Sir, I'm sorry but it's necessary for everyone." The TSA agent replied. Switzerland snorted angrily and said, "Fine, then we're leaving. Come on Liech, I'd rather drive all the way back home than see you get molested." Liechtenstein gave the agent an apologetic look, but obediently followed her brother. It didn't matter how they got home, just as long as she had her big brother with her.
~~~~~~
"Kiku is sitting next to me when we get on the plane."
"No he's not. Kiku is sitting next to -me-!"
Said Japanese man just sighed as Turkey and Greece fought over him. Egypt was blissfully quiet, ignoring the other two as the line moved. Honestly, Kiku was probably going to just sit next to Egypt if they kept this up.
"Please stop fighting you two. You are not children." Japan said blushing at the odd looks he was receiving thanks to their heated argument. Simultaneously Greece and Turkey whipped around to look at him and asked, "Kiku who do you want to sit with?"
"A-Ah well...That's--" He began but was thankfully interrupted by the TSA security guard. Turkey and Greece endured the pat downs with no comments and stepped aside, still impatiently waiting for Japan's decision.
Kiku stepped up and stood still for the man, flinching just a bit when he was touched. Of course, the minute he did Turkey shouted, "Where the hell are you touching him!?" Japan raised his hands to try and calm them as he blushed even harder in embarrassment.
"P-Please you two! Stop shouting!" He exclaimed. The agent finished quickly and the two taller nations snatched him away, each one putting their arm around his shoulder. "You okay, Kiku?" Greece asked. Japan just nodded and replied, "Hai, I'm fine."
"Good! Now who do you want to sit with?" Turkey asked. Kiku just sighed, shaking his head as they walked away. Egypt stared at them then looked at the agent and said, "Would you like to buy a pot?"
"Ah...No thanks sir." The man replied. Egypt just shrugged then trailed after the other three. The agent scratched his head and thought, 'Why are we getting so many weirdoes today?'
~~~~~
"Mama, I'm hungry can we get something to eat soon?" A very tired Sealand asked. Finland smiled slightly as he said, "Of course, Peter. Ah and didn't I tell you I'm not your mother." He was ignored of course and simply let it go for the time being. Sweden wrapped a warm arm around Tino's shoulders as he said, "Are y' tired, Fin?" Finland nodded as he dropped his head against the taller nation's shoulder smiling at the sweet moment between them.
"Hey Berwald, you wanna race me to the drinking fountain?" Denmark suddenly said, rudely butting in on their moment. Sweden just gave the Dane an even fiercer glare as he snapped out, "No." Norway rolled his eyes as he said, "Stop being so childish, Denmark." The taller nation whined and replied, "Awww! C'mon Nor, live a little!"
Iceland nonchalantly munched on his licorice as he watched in mild amusement as Norway fended off an overly affectionate Denmark. The line they were in moved up and the TSA agent gestured to Finland.
"If you could please stand still sir, we have to give everyone a pat down." He said. Tino nodded and let go of Sweden. He blushed a little as the man patted him down, avoiding Berwald's intense stare. Soon he was done and up stepped Sealand.
"I'm not afraid of a little pat down!" Peter exclaimed proudly. He took it like a champ and grinned when it was over, bounding over to Finland. Sweden was next, the tall nation staring down at the man with his most intimidating face.
"U-Uh...Please um stand still, s-sir." The agent said. Berwald just let out a grunt and did as he was told. Finland had to cover his mouth to stop from laughing out loud as the poor man looked so freaked out by how scary Sweden's face was. When he was done Berwald came over to Tino and immediately wrapped a possessive arm around him.
"Y' ready t' go m'wife?" He asked. Finland blushed bright red and stammered, "B-Berwald, I'm not your wife!" Denmark laughed as he came up next, he made stupid jokes and was repeatedly told to shut up from Norway. Norway was next and impassive as ever same as Iceland who took Norway's side once he was done. With all the Nordic nations done they headed for their terminal to get some food.
~~~~
(Annnd for some more crack!)
"Holy Rome, why do we have to stand in this line?" Italy asked curiously. Holy Roman Empire kept a firm hold of the smaller nation's hand, keeping a lookout for any weirdoes who might have bad intentions towards Italy.
"I don't know Italy, but everyone else is standing in it so I guess that means we must too." Holy Rome replied. They got up to the front where a man in a uniform was standing.
"Would you hold still for a moment little guy? We just need to make sure neither of you are carrying anything dangerous." The man said. Holy Rome nodded and reluctantly let go of Italy's hand to go up first. The pat down was uncomfortable, but he could handle it and once it was over he breathed a sigh of relief. Next was Italy that was when Holy Rome really started to worry.
The poor, flustered little nation was patted down and even felt up his little dress. Italy squeaked and blushed bright red, but held still. The man smiled apologetically then patted Italy's head as he sent him along.
"A-Are you all right, Italy?" Holy Rome asked with concern. Italy, still blushing, nodded and smiled as he took the other boy's hand. "Si, I'm fine. Let's go home and paint more pictures, Holy Rome!" The blond smiled and blushed, nodding his agreement. He couldn't wait to get back home.
~~~
(Oh! Who was it I almost forgot...?)
Canada stood there in the line as he checked his watch. He had arrived early and wanted to get some coffee once he got past this check point. 'Mmmm I can't wait to get home and have some pancakes~' Matthew thought. He would also need to make sure Kumashiro was doing okay as well. When it was his turn he stood there, waiting for the agent to call him up.
No one said anything. Canada raised an eyebrow and said quietly, "H-Hello? I believe I'm next, sir." Still nothing, no one noticed him at all. Matthew stood there for a few moments longer then shrugged and easily walked right past the man. No one stopped him, nothing went off. He smiled, glad to be invisible for once as he easily avoided the awkward pat downs and went on his merry way to his terminal.
END
FINALLY FINISHED FFFFFFFFFFFF~
Okay yea tried to squeeze as many nations as possible in there LOL XD Canada doesn't get a pat down since he's invisible ;D Lucky guy! Anyway hope this was funny and cracky enough haha it's weird to do a fic where there's no sex in it XD
Anyway Merry Christmas you guys! HETALIA FOR ALL! :heart:
Hetalia © Hidekaz Himaruya (Not mine~)