half past three
Jongwoon is awoken by a sniffling sob as the little figure beside him shudders. He turns to head to look at his bedside table, where a glowing clock is blaring out a bright sign of “3:01.” Jongwoon sighs as he tightens his grip on Ryeowook’s hip, letting the latter know he is awake.
“I’m sorry,” Ryeowook sobs, turning to face Jongwoon. “I woke you up again, didn’t I?”
“It’s not a problem,” murmurs Jongwoon quietly, his voice rough from lack of sleep. “What’s the matter, Wookie?” He already knows the answer, but he asks away. It helps Ryeowook to talk it out.
“The dreams,” Ryeowook cries out, “they’re getting worse and I just don’t know what to do.”
“They’re not real, Wookie,” says Jongwoon. “They’re just nightmares your brain conjured up to scare you.”
“I know, but when I’m asleep everything feels real. I’m too scared to even doze off anymore,” the small man whimpers, long fingers clutching fearfully at Jongwoon’s shirt. The latter holds Ryeowook even closer in response. He hums a soft tone, a little lullaby from his childhood. Jongwoon can’t remember what the song was called, but his mother used to sing it for him every night. It drove away his nightmares, so he’s hoping it will do the same for Ryeowook. Eventually the song fades away, but Ryeowook starts shaking again, and Jongwoon resumes humming.
“No, you can stop,” whispers Ryeowook. “It’s fine, you don’t need to do that anymore. Just go to sleep, Jongwoon. I’ve kept you up long enough as it is.”
“I’ll sleep when your nightmares disappear,” Jongwoon promises, burying his face into Ryeowook’s hair. The smaller boy smells like the lavender flowers from his childhood. Jongwoon runs his hand through the silky locks.
“I don’t know what to do. I’m scared,” admits Ryeowook. “Do you know what I think?” Jongwoon does, but he lets the boy continue. “One day you’re going to meet some beautiful girl, and you’ll realize how bothersome I am. I’m always troubling you with my problems. You’re going to leave me.”
Now this, Jongwoon has not heard about. Ryeowook’s dreams were mostly about being attacked and harassed by his former bullies. Usually it took a few words of it’s okay, I’ll protect you to calm the boy down. However, Jongwoon didn’t know exactly how to respond. Why couldn’t Ryeowook ever see how gorgeous he was? Did he not notice the flirty looks sent to him on a regular basis? How that made Jongwoon the living embodiment of if looks could kill?
Ryeowook begins to cry again, because he thinks that Jongwoon’s silence means an acceptance of what is to come. Jongwoon leans over and kisses the tears away, salty wetness coating his lips. Those are the only soft movements he does before turning over, crushing Ryeowook under him. He places their foreheads together and for a moment, they breathe. Jongwoon knows he’s heavy but figures that Ryeowook deserves a little punishment for what he said.
“Why,” Jongwoon begins, “would I ever think about leaving you?” The disbelief in his voice is apparent and he is slightly offended at how little trust Ryeowook seems to have towards him. “If I’ve told you this once, I’ve told you a million times: you’re gorgeous. So unbelievably gorgeous, Wookie. I don’t know what more to say to make you believe me.”
Ryeowook doesn’t know what to say, so he does what he does best: cry. These are tears of happiness, because he can hear the sincerity in Jongwoon’s voice. He cries because there is something between the two of them that can’t be explained through simple words. Ryeowook understands now, he finally knows how silly he’s been. Of course Jongwoon loves him, and he loves Jongwoon too. Oh, yes, he loves the older man so much that his feelings can’t be contained. When Ryeowook is with Jongwoon, he feels beautiful, as brilliant as a star.
Tomorrow Ryeowook might have another nightmare, and maybe the day after that. Next week he might feel insecure again, but it’s okay. Everything will be fine, because Jongwoon is there. Jongwoon is, and forever will be, there to embrace him.
It is just half past three when Ryeowook falls asleep, a smile dazzling his perfect face.