(no subject)
i promised jessica i would write something tonight. so i'm going to try.
i've been trying to write for several days now, but haven't been able to even get one line on the page. i've got so much i need to purge from myself that i don't know where to begin, and i keep hoping that i'll be able to write something profound that will say it all and leave me feeling completely resolved. but that's absurd.
so i will start with one piece.
it's fourth of july. we've gone through the motions of making it normal, my dad and my sister and i. he bought fire works and we set up chairs with my next door neighbors so we could share the spectical as usual. but my dad disappeared at 11am this morning. he asked my sister to meet him in a k-mart parking lot somewhere around 3:30 so they could buy more fire works together. after that, he told my sister that he had to stop by a friend's house for a second, just to say hi. so he drove my sister to a barbecue of suburban proportions, and refused to leave for five hours. during those five hours, he got shit-faced by doing body shots off of a young woman named shiela. meanwhile, my sister got hassled by middle-aged alcoholics for not partaking in the drinking festivities. and because my sister took his keys and wouldn't let him drive, he yelled at her all the way home. the fireworks still took off as scheduled. but i'm so old now that there's a new generation there to enjoy them. sometimes you have to work really hard to force change, and sometimes the world just moves so fast on its own. i remember when my brother and my sister and i would sit outside anxiously wishing the sun to its knees, lighting sparklers and throwing pop-its until our parents would bring out the real bombs. i think about that while i watch my little cousin, sparks reflecting off his wide, eager eyes.
i look at my sister and think, look how far we've come.
i've been trying to write for several days now, but haven't been able to even get one line on the page. i've got so much i need to purge from myself that i don't know where to begin, and i keep hoping that i'll be able to write something profound that will say it all and leave me feeling completely resolved. but that's absurd.
so i will start with one piece.
it's fourth of july. we've gone through the motions of making it normal, my dad and my sister and i. he bought fire works and we set up chairs with my next door neighbors so we could share the spectical as usual. but my dad disappeared at 11am this morning. he asked my sister to meet him in a k-mart parking lot somewhere around 3:30 so they could buy more fire works together. after that, he told my sister that he had to stop by a friend's house for a second, just to say hi. so he drove my sister to a barbecue of suburban proportions, and refused to leave for five hours. during those five hours, he got shit-faced by doing body shots off of a young woman named shiela. meanwhile, my sister got hassled by middle-aged alcoholics for not partaking in the drinking festivities. and because my sister took his keys and wouldn't let him drive, he yelled at her all the way home. the fireworks still took off as scheduled. but i'm so old now that there's a new generation there to enjoy them. sometimes you have to work really hard to force change, and sometimes the world just moves so fast on its own. i remember when my brother and my sister and i would sit outside anxiously wishing the sun to its knees, lighting sparklers and throwing pop-its until our parents would bring out the real bombs. i think about that while i watch my little cousin, sparks reflecting off his wide, eager eyes.
i look at my sister and think, look how far we've come.