hc_bingo fic: self-harm
Title: Beauty of Vice
Fandom: DBSK
Pairing: none, hints of YunJae
Prompt: Self-Harm
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1266
Summary: Jaejoong smokes and drinks and acts in completely un-idol-like ways. As leader, it’s Yunho’s job to do something about that, whether he wants to or not.
AN: Written, as the subject and tag say, for hc_bingo. Masterpost with game card is here.
“You’re going to ruin your voice.” Or fling himself off the balcony. Yunho lunged forward to grab Jaejoong’s arm before he could do just that. He smiled a little sheepishly. How was he supposed to know Jaejoong was so jumpy? “Sorry.”
Jaejoong started coughing as soon as he started breathing again. “You scared the fuck out of me.”
Yunho frowned at him. “Language.”
Of course, that only earned him a flat and supremely unimpressed look. “Do you see any cameras around here, Yunho? Any screaming hordes of adoring fangirls? No? Then I can say whatever the fuck I want, and there’s fuck-all you can do about it. So there.”
Fine. Point made. “It’s still a bad habit.” Unsurprisingly, that didn’t even get another look, just a huff and Jaejoong turning back to the view. “You need to take better care of yourself. You owe it to the group to-”
He took an involuntary step back when Jaejoong rounded on him. “Don’t you start, too.”
“Don’t me start what? I was just saying-”
“You owe it to the group. You’re going to let down the group. How could you do this to the group?” Yunho took another involuntary step back at the sheer venom in Jaejoong’s voice. “I’m still a person. Don’t I get to worry about what the group is doing to me once in a while?”
He hadn’t expected Jaejoong to come up with an actually valid argument. It pained him to admit it even to himself, but he’d almost started buying into the image. No, not ‘almost.’ He had. He was as guilty as the staff or any of their fans. Jaejoong was just so good at it sometimes that he forgot it was an image.
He cleared his throat. “I didn’t...” Explaining that he didn’t mean it like that would be a lie and wouldn’t help anything anyway. “I’m sorry.” Jaejoong didn’t look about to interrupt again, what with the staring in shock, so he went on. “I do worry about you. You know I do. I know this means more to you than anything, so I don’t want you to get hurt if you really do ruin your voice from smoking. Or if they kick you out because you’re not presenting the right image anymore.”
Jaejoong winced and turned away, but at least he stubbed the cigarette out, if more viciously than necessary. “Fucking image. At least you all get to be real people. I’m pretty sure half of Korea thinks I’m either stupid or mentally handicapped.”
“Jaejoongie, that’s not-”
“True? Fair? What, Yunho? I can’t talk, I can barely do anything but get up on stage and sing like SM’s puppet. At least I get to choose if I’m going to destroy my lungs or not.”
Another mostly valid point, but one Yunho wasn’t going to just let go. “So you’ll drag Yoochun down with you?”
“I’m not-”
Now it was Yunho’s turn to interrupt. He felt lower than dirt, but sometimes other people were the only way to get through to Jaejoong. “You do. You are. Not that it’s not just as much his own fault, but you don’t exist in a vaccuum. No matter how much you might want to.” When Jaejoong didn’t try to object, he went on. “I’m not the bad guy, Jaejoong. Neither are you. But... I hate watching you do this. Please.”
When Jaejoong still didn’t answer, Yunho sighed and moved up behind him, wrapping his arms loosely around Jaejoong’s waist and propping his chin on Jaejoong’s shoulder. The smell of smoke was almost strong enough to make him cough, but it hadn’t been so long ago that he’d been used to a cigarette or two now and then. He wasn’t such a hypocrite as to claim he didn’t understand the habit, even if he knew it was stupid. “Listen. Let’s make a deal.”
That got a slightly more curious sort of non-answer, at least. “The year-end shows aren’t too far off. If we win an award, you’ll at least cut down. Okay? If we’re going to be rising gods, our lead singer can’t sound like a frog with black lung.”
He could almost feel Jaejoong thinking about that, weighing his options and trying to decide if it was worth it. It meant basically agreeing right now. They were on the rise, and most of the people who knew the industry were pegging them for at least a fan-chosen award if nothing else. It was practically a shoo-in. But it didn’t make Jaejoong promise in quite so many words.
He shoved his hand in his pocket and Yunho could feel him fingering his pack. It had to be nearly empty by now. They hadn’t had a chance to get away for any sort of shopping in a while, and he knew perfectly well that management wouldn’t buy them for him. “If I say yes... and we do... you’re going to have to give up something, too.”
He winced, but fair enough. “Fine. What should I give up?”
He was expecting something stupid, like nagging them or losing his phone or something else. The image must have gotten to him again.
“Stop blaming yourself for everything we choose to do.” Jaejoong turned in his arms, forcing Yunho to step back or end up nose-to-nose with him. “I know you’re the leader and all, but we’re big boys. No matter what management says. We can take the weight once in a while, too.”
Sometimes, just sometimes, they still really managed to surprise him. “So we have a deal?”
Jaejoong stuck his hand out. “Deal. I’ll cut down if you do. And I’ll make sure Yoochun does, too. Special bonus. Just because I like you.”
Yunho laughed, shaking Jaejoong’s hand then ruffling his hair just because he knew Jaejoong would hate it. “I’d be scared if you didn’t, Joongie.”
“Damn straight.” Jaejoong started to pull out his pack again, then frowned and put it back. “Might as well start getting used to it now. ...I don’t have to stop drinking, too, do I?”
Yunho feigned shock, dodging Jaejoong’s unimpressed swat. “What? And lose our main source of entertainment when you try to goad Junsu into doing body shots with you? Perish the thought!”
“That was just the one time and you know it!”
“The one time that I saw, how can I be sure-”
Jaejoong lunged at him and Yunho ducked back into the apartment, shutting the door behind him quickly and leaning against it. He didn’t dare actually lock Jaejoong out -he did enjoy having a spleen- but he had to protect himself somehow.
Junsu stared at him in confusion from across the room, and then past him to the angry pounding on the door. “...Hyung?”
“Don’t worry, Junsu-yah. I’ve got it. But, uh... maybe you could go grab Changmin for me?”
Junsu’s confusion changed to instant amusement. “Can I grab my phone, too?”
He should say no. He really should. If pictures of Jaejoong trying to kill him ever leaked... but then he remembered his deal with Jaejoong and grinned. If Jaejoong insisted. “Just hurry.”
Junsu ran off, practically cackling, calling for Changmin and Yoochun to come see, Jaejoong was going to kill Yunho and Changmin had to avenge Yunho’s honor. Yunho chuckled, until Jaejoong apparently started body-slamming the door, making it shake dangerously. He was pretty sure Jaejoong wouldn’t actually kill him, but he also really didn’t want to find out.
If their fans could see them now, they’d never have to worry about image again.
Fandom: DBSK
Pairing: none, hints of YunJae
Prompt: Self-Harm
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1266
Summary: Jaejoong smokes and drinks and acts in completely un-idol-like ways. As leader, it’s Yunho’s job to do something about that, whether he wants to or not.
AN: Written, as the subject and tag say, for hc_bingo. Masterpost with game card is here.
“You’re going to ruin your voice.” Or fling himself off the balcony. Yunho lunged forward to grab Jaejoong’s arm before he could do just that. He smiled a little sheepishly. How was he supposed to know Jaejoong was so jumpy? “Sorry.”
Jaejoong started coughing as soon as he started breathing again. “You scared the fuck out of me.”
Yunho frowned at him. “Language.”
Of course, that only earned him a flat and supremely unimpressed look. “Do you see any cameras around here, Yunho? Any screaming hordes of adoring fangirls? No? Then I can say whatever the fuck I want, and there’s fuck-all you can do about it. So there.”
Fine. Point made. “It’s still a bad habit.” Unsurprisingly, that didn’t even get another look, just a huff and Jaejoong turning back to the view. “You need to take better care of yourself. You owe it to the group to-”
He took an involuntary step back when Jaejoong rounded on him. “Don’t you start, too.”
“Don’t me start what? I was just saying-”
“You owe it to the group. You’re going to let down the group. How could you do this to the group?” Yunho took another involuntary step back at the sheer venom in Jaejoong’s voice. “I’m still a person. Don’t I get to worry about what the group is doing to me once in a while?”
He hadn’t expected Jaejoong to come up with an actually valid argument. It pained him to admit it even to himself, but he’d almost started buying into the image. No, not ‘almost.’ He had. He was as guilty as the staff or any of their fans. Jaejoong was just so good at it sometimes that he forgot it was an image.
He cleared his throat. “I didn’t...” Explaining that he didn’t mean it like that would be a lie and wouldn’t help anything anyway. “I’m sorry.” Jaejoong didn’t look about to interrupt again, what with the staring in shock, so he went on. “I do worry about you. You know I do. I know this means more to you than anything, so I don’t want you to get hurt if you really do ruin your voice from smoking. Or if they kick you out because you’re not presenting the right image anymore.”
Jaejoong winced and turned away, but at least he stubbed the cigarette out, if more viciously than necessary. “Fucking image. At least you all get to be real people. I’m pretty sure half of Korea thinks I’m either stupid or mentally handicapped.”
“Jaejoongie, that’s not-”
“True? Fair? What, Yunho? I can’t talk, I can barely do anything but get up on stage and sing like SM’s puppet. At least I get to choose if I’m going to destroy my lungs or not.”
Another mostly valid point, but one Yunho wasn’t going to just let go. “So you’ll drag Yoochun down with you?”
“I’m not-”
Now it was Yunho’s turn to interrupt. He felt lower than dirt, but sometimes other people were the only way to get through to Jaejoong. “You do. You are. Not that it’s not just as much his own fault, but you don’t exist in a vaccuum. No matter how much you might want to.” When Jaejoong didn’t try to object, he went on. “I’m not the bad guy, Jaejoong. Neither are you. But... I hate watching you do this. Please.”
When Jaejoong still didn’t answer, Yunho sighed and moved up behind him, wrapping his arms loosely around Jaejoong’s waist and propping his chin on Jaejoong’s shoulder. The smell of smoke was almost strong enough to make him cough, but it hadn’t been so long ago that he’d been used to a cigarette or two now and then. He wasn’t such a hypocrite as to claim he didn’t understand the habit, even if he knew it was stupid. “Listen. Let’s make a deal.”
That got a slightly more curious sort of non-answer, at least. “The year-end shows aren’t too far off. If we win an award, you’ll at least cut down. Okay? If we’re going to be rising gods, our lead singer can’t sound like a frog with black lung.”
He could almost feel Jaejoong thinking about that, weighing his options and trying to decide if it was worth it. It meant basically agreeing right now. They were on the rise, and most of the people who knew the industry were pegging them for at least a fan-chosen award if nothing else. It was practically a shoo-in. But it didn’t make Jaejoong promise in quite so many words.
He shoved his hand in his pocket and Yunho could feel him fingering his pack. It had to be nearly empty by now. They hadn’t had a chance to get away for any sort of shopping in a while, and he knew perfectly well that management wouldn’t buy them for him. “If I say yes... and we do... you’re going to have to give up something, too.”
He winced, but fair enough. “Fine. What should I give up?”
He was expecting something stupid, like nagging them or losing his phone or something else. The image must have gotten to him again.
“Stop blaming yourself for everything we choose to do.” Jaejoong turned in his arms, forcing Yunho to step back or end up nose-to-nose with him. “I know you’re the leader and all, but we’re big boys. No matter what management says. We can take the weight once in a while, too.”
Sometimes, just sometimes, they still really managed to surprise him. “So we have a deal?”
Jaejoong stuck his hand out. “Deal. I’ll cut down if you do. And I’ll make sure Yoochun does, too. Special bonus. Just because I like you.”
Yunho laughed, shaking Jaejoong’s hand then ruffling his hair just because he knew Jaejoong would hate it. “I’d be scared if you didn’t, Joongie.”
“Damn straight.” Jaejoong started to pull out his pack again, then frowned and put it back. “Might as well start getting used to it now. ...I don’t have to stop drinking, too, do I?”
Yunho feigned shock, dodging Jaejoong’s unimpressed swat. “What? And lose our main source of entertainment when you try to goad Junsu into doing body shots with you? Perish the thought!”
“That was just the one time and you know it!”
“The one time that I saw, how can I be sure-”
Jaejoong lunged at him and Yunho ducked back into the apartment, shutting the door behind him quickly and leaning against it. He didn’t dare actually lock Jaejoong out -he did enjoy having a spleen- but he had to protect himself somehow.
Junsu stared at him in confusion from across the room, and then past him to the angry pounding on the door. “...Hyung?”
“Don’t worry, Junsu-yah. I’ve got it. But, uh... maybe you could go grab Changmin for me?”
Junsu’s confusion changed to instant amusement. “Can I grab my phone, too?”
He should say no. He really should. If pictures of Jaejoong trying to kill him ever leaked... but then he remembered his deal with Jaejoong and grinned. If Jaejoong insisted. “Just hurry.”
Junsu ran off, practically cackling, calling for Changmin and Yoochun to come see, Jaejoong was going to kill Yunho and Changmin had to avenge Yunho’s honor. Yunho chuckled, until Jaejoong apparently started body-slamming the door, making it shake dangerously. He was pretty sure Jaejoong wouldn’t actually kill him, but he also really didn’t want to find out.
If their fans could see them now, they’d never have to worry about image again.