baby's black balloon makes her fly...
...i almost fell into that hole in your life...
coming down, the world turns over and angels fall without you near...
i go on as you get colder (or are you someone's p r a y e r)
i never do anything anymore as much as i should. i'm up later than i'm supposed to be; william will probably scold me in the morning, but it's okay. i still need to mail out christmas cards. i went shopping and wrapped presents today...it was fun. like a flicker of joy. i had so much fun shopping and then i couldn't wait to get home and then i wrapped them and then it was over with and then i didn't know what to do with myself.
i submitted an application to fsu today...they make you do it all at once, except for essays and extracurriculars, which i still have to mail in. i'll finish essays sometime this week and mail everything out probably on the 26th or 27th. i'm supposed to go to dad's next week so i need to do it before then.
i have to finish soirelle's arches and get her into the brown ajah lesson. i owe megz a string, still, if she still wants to do a daia/soirelle string. i need to check up on that. and i should probably talk to bri. andandand...i seem to have no motivation to write anymore. soirelle's arches so far have been complete crap, and it seems that they're only getting crappier as time goes on.
tomorrow before the lotus lake board meeting i need to come up with a layout for the message boards and also a mission/vision statement now that we're going all ecumenical and stuff. meh. aksdfjalksdjaowerjlsakdf. it wasn't my idea. i wanted to stay traditional. but there's no way it would have worked, so there was no point in voting in dissent. still i'm stubborn.
i started playing lusternia. ben is giving me credits for christmas. he's too good to me, but he doesn't believe me when i tell him that. of course, i don't believe it when anyone else tells me things like that, so i can't blame him. but i'm sending him a card and i'm calling him on christmas so maybe i'll make him smile.
lins said something that made so much sense earlier about not being able to imagine living in ignorance of this degree of pain. it's like my mother...or my counselor...or 99% of the rest of the population. you try to explain it but they just don't get it because they haven't felt it. i wish it was all dramatic and poetic and romantic and shit but it's not. it's just isolating. desolating.
i skipped counseling last week and i haven't gotten in touch with my counselor yet and i hope she's not pissed off at me. i feel like i'm spinning my wheels.
but i'm eating. i cut again. but i'm eating normally, whatever that means. and i resisted the urge to buy an exacto knife when i was christmas shopping.
coming down, the world turns over and angels fall without you near...
i go on as you get colder (or are you someone's p r a y e r)
i never do anything anymore as much as i should. i'm up later than i'm supposed to be; william will probably scold me in the morning, but it's okay. i still need to mail out christmas cards. i went shopping and wrapped presents today...it was fun. like a flicker of joy. i had so much fun shopping and then i couldn't wait to get home and then i wrapped them and then it was over with and then i didn't know what to do with myself.
i submitted an application to fsu today...they make you do it all at once, except for essays and extracurriculars, which i still have to mail in. i'll finish essays sometime this week and mail everything out probably on the 26th or 27th. i'm supposed to go to dad's next week so i need to do it before then.
i have to finish soirelle's arches and get her into the brown ajah lesson. i owe megz a string, still, if she still wants to do a daia/soirelle string. i need to check up on that. and i should probably talk to bri. andandand...i seem to have no motivation to write anymore. soirelle's arches so far have been complete crap, and it seems that they're only getting crappier as time goes on.
tomorrow before the lotus lake board meeting i need to come up with a layout for the message boards and also a mission/vision statement now that we're going all ecumenical and stuff. meh. aksdfjalksdjaowerjlsakdf. it wasn't my idea. i wanted to stay traditional. but there's no way it would have worked, so there was no point in voting in dissent. still i'm stubborn.
i started playing lusternia. ben is giving me credits for christmas. he's too good to me, but he doesn't believe me when i tell him that. of course, i don't believe it when anyone else tells me things like that, so i can't blame him. but i'm sending him a card and i'm calling him on christmas so maybe i'll make him smile.
lins said something that made so much sense earlier about not being able to imagine living in ignorance of this degree of pain. it's like my mother...or my counselor...or 99% of the rest of the population. you try to explain it but they just don't get it because they haven't felt it. i wish it was all dramatic and poetic and romantic and shit but it's not. it's just isolating. desolating.
i skipped counseling last week and i haven't gotten in touch with my counselor yet and i hope she's not pissed off at me. i feel like i'm spinning my wheels.
but i'm eating. i cut again. but i'm eating normally, whatever that means. and i resisted the urge to buy an exacto knife when i was christmas shopping.