I'm angry and disappointed
I find it hard to believe that some people will let themselves fall so far down. To begin with, you were already in a pretty big rut. Fights all the time, issues at work, stress at home. I can see where the drinking comes in.
But why the hell did you have to throw smoking in to the damn mix? Bad enough you're pretty much an alcoholic who only finds satisfaction in vodka and whiskey. You're a fucking hypocrite too for telling me and everyone "Oh, smoking's gross and I have asthma, I'll never do it". It's good that it's not pills, but shit ... like smoking is any better. Though maybe that's not what to worry about the most, maybe it's your drinking. It's clearly gotten out of hand and you're just making things worse.
Why the hell are you letting this affect you so much? So you were head over heels, so you cared for her a lot, so she's making your life so god damn fucking difficult. GET OVER IT. DRINKING is not going to ease the pain, nor will it make it go away. SMOKING is not going to ease the pain and make it better. PILL are not going to ease the pain and make it better. ONLY YOU YOURSELF CAN MAKE IT BETTER. But since you can't seem to grow the balls to get over it, no sense telling you that then, hm?
Maybe I'm just so pissed because you were someone who was there for me when I couldn't handle things and everything you said to me I'm telling you, BUT YOU'RE NOT FUCKING LISTENING. Why can't you see that there are people who actually give a shit about you more than she does? Why can't you see that you have friends who are trying to help you? Maybe you don't want help. You keep saying "she's not the girl I love anymore". Well, if she doesn't exist anymore, it's time to stop dreaming, don't you think? Shit happens. Breakups happen. People change. It's inevitable. Why can't you see that? You can't bring back the past, sometimes you just have to 'accept defeat'.
This is how it is, this is how it's going to be. You can be depressed over it and shit, but it's not going to make it better. Whatever kind of stupid stunts to pull to 'relieve the pain' isn't going to do shit except fuck you over. And if that's all you're gonna do, is wallow in your stupid depression and be all "This sucks, I can't take this I'm gonna drink, smoke and cut myself till I feel better" then fine, why don't you fucking do that and make things worse for you? It's shit like that, that makes it harder for the next person. They're the ones that have to clean up your mess, and dress your wounds, but they do it out of love and you should at least respect them by easing it up a little. Not just for a future relationship but for those around you who still care.
As angry as I am, I'm still willing to stick with you.
But why the hell did you have to throw smoking in to the damn mix? Bad enough you're pretty much an alcoholic who only finds satisfaction in vodka and whiskey. You're a fucking hypocrite too for telling me and everyone "Oh, smoking's gross and I have asthma, I'll never do it". It's good that it's not pills, but shit ... like smoking is any better. Though maybe that's not what to worry about the most, maybe it's your drinking. It's clearly gotten out of hand and you're just making things worse.
Why the hell are you letting this affect you so much? So you were head over heels, so you cared for her a lot, so she's making your life so god damn fucking difficult. GET OVER IT. DRINKING is not going to ease the pain, nor will it make it go away. SMOKING is not going to ease the pain and make it better. PILL are not going to ease the pain and make it better. ONLY YOU YOURSELF CAN MAKE IT BETTER. But since you can't seem to grow the balls to get over it, no sense telling you that then, hm?
Maybe I'm just so pissed because you were someone who was there for me when I couldn't handle things and everything you said to me I'm telling you, BUT YOU'RE NOT FUCKING LISTENING. Why can't you see that there are people who actually give a shit about you more than she does? Why can't you see that you have friends who are trying to help you? Maybe you don't want help. You keep saying "she's not the girl I love anymore". Well, if she doesn't exist anymore, it's time to stop dreaming, don't you think? Shit happens. Breakups happen. People change. It's inevitable. Why can't you see that? You can't bring back the past, sometimes you just have to 'accept defeat'.
This is how it is, this is how it's going to be. You can be depressed over it and shit, but it's not going to make it better. Whatever kind of stupid stunts to pull to 'relieve the pain' isn't going to do shit except fuck you over. And if that's all you're gonna do, is wallow in your stupid depression and be all "This sucks, I can't take this I'm gonna drink, smoke and cut myself till I feel better" then fine, why don't you fucking do that and make things worse for you? It's shit like that, that makes it harder for the next person. They're the ones that have to clean up your mess, and dress your wounds, but they do it out of love and you should at least respect them by easing it up a little. Not just for a future relationship but for those around you who still care.
As angry as I am, I'm still willing to stick with you.