God Damnit.
This is a phrase I rarely say.
God Damnit.
I hate to take the lord's name in vain. In fact, I cringe when other people do it.
I try not to let on, but it's a fact.
Tonight, I had no choice.
A group of gentlemen are on my front porch right now. I use the term gentlemen loosely. What I really mean are sleazes.
Why are they there, Emma?
Because Hillary is a God Damn fool.
What did she do, Emma?
She invited these fucking creeps to walk us to my house. Creeps at my house. She led them on, essentially. Now, me and Ian are chilling on the couch listening to these dicks on our front porch talking about how pissed they are that they got no pussy.
I was a bitch to these men the moment they started talking to me. I gave not a fucking glimpse of "I'd like to invite you to fuck me" to these men. I was a huge bitch. There's no way they could have taken any of my signals as "ooh, baby, fuck me." Just saying. Hillary is retarded.
I am never going out again.
I don't know how well you guys know me, but I am full of social anxiety. Before I went out to go dancing at club echo, I was having shakes attacks and hyperventilating. I was going out. I don't go out. I was freaking out. Hillary and Kristina (new room mate) had picked out a dress for me. I was wearing my pink, strapless, amy brown fairy dress. I was nervous just about wearing that dress. Anyways, to calm down, I did a bit of pregaming whilst both Ian and Kris Peraldo told me not to go dancing. It was making me freak out. They were concerned. They're good people, Ian and Peraldo.
But I went anyway.
I have to go, I kept insisting, I have zero social life. How am I supposed to meet people if I don't put myself out there?
So, I went, I danced. For most of the night, I had a good time. Four H camp taught me to dance. I like it pretty well. I wiggled my ass. I danced.... never with anybody in particular... but that would have made me uncomfortable.
Hillary's friend, Kendra, made out with some gent I didn't know. Said gent had a friend who was shy. I'm shy. We talked. he bought me a drink. He seemed very nice. I gave him my phone number. Never in my life has a man asked for my phone number. I felt pretty good about it. We talked for awhile about geeky things. He had to leave. While I was chatting with him for like the sixth time, Hillary was dancing with this kid. Hillary stopped dancing when my new friend left, and came to talk to me. then, this wingman comes up and says "You broke my friend's heart" to hillary.
They talk. I act cold. I am the cunt, cock blocking best friend of the drunk woman. Every thing that is said, I have something cold to reply with. I was a huge bitch.
Wingman convinced Hillary to dance with her man again.
Then, he turned on me. He pulled at me, he tugged at me. Please dance with me. I don't dance. You're breaking my heart. Maybe you should find someone who cares. That's cold. What can I say? I'm a fucking bitch.
This guy was relentless.
Eventually, I dance with him, but only because his friend dragged me from the wall. It wasn't bad, until he tried to get handsy. Then, I walked away, clearly pissed.
Hillary thought, whilst I was away, it was a good idea to invite these gents (who tag team touched me inappropriately despite uber negative feedback) to walk us home.
During the walk, I walked ahead of everyone else. Five guys all together. They kept calling me "Chucks" because I wore my chuck taylors. Why do you wear those chucks, they asked, with such a pretty dress.
So I can run away from creeps like you.
Now, if I spoke like this the whole time I was with these gents, and, I definitely did, would you still want to fuck me? I mean, honestly. Five guys, all wanting to fuck me and hillary. If one of us (me) was a huge dick, would you still wanna bone us?
I wouldn't.... but these mens were apparently idiots.
We reached my house.
I'm going to bed, I told them.
Won't you let us in from the rain.
I'll let you on the porch.
Bring us towels.
I'll bring you each a paper towel.
And, I did.
I also got Ian, who was nearly as pissed as I was.
So, I'm acting cold, I'm acting bitchy. It's dawning on these ass holes that I ain't gonna fuck 'em, and I ain't gonna let Hillary fuck them.
Hillary is drunk. Hillary is stupid. These dicks sit on our front porch bitching about getting no pussy. They're angry. They're mad.
Kendra calls. She's crying. She's lost. I drive to get her. Her, and her brother and this other girl Amber, she's cool, she's sober. They hop in my car, I drive to my place.
But this point I am pissed the fuck off.
I yell "get in the god damn car" to Hillary. I drive her and friends to her apartment.
I left Ian alone with the drunken assholes. This was a mistake. He didn't get his ass beat or anything, but he could have. Live and learn.
Hillary stood out side of her apartment in the rain. "I'm so sorry , Emma."
"They're not at your house."
And then, I left.
"Gentlemen," I said, all smiles once returning to the house, "Thank you kindly for walking my friend and I home. I wish you all a good night."
They bitched at me. I kept saying, "Good night, gentlemen." Ian was already back inside. Locked and bolted the door. They're still outside my apartment.
God Damnit.
I'm never going out again.
I hope we don't get our house broken into and stolen from because Hillary is a dumb ass.
God Damnit.
I hate to take the lord's name in vain. In fact, I cringe when other people do it.
I try not to let on, but it's a fact.
Tonight, I had no choice.
A group of gentlemen are on my front porch right now. I use the term gentlemen loosely. What I really mean are sleazes.
Why are they there, Emma?
Because Hillary is a God Damn fool.
What did she do, Emma?
She invited these fucking creeps to walk us to my house. Creeps at my house. She led them on, essentially. Now, me and Ian are chilling on the couch listening to these dicks on our front porch talking about how pissed they are that they got no pussy.
I was a bitch to these men the moment they started talking to me. I gave not a fucking glimpse of "I'd like to invite you to fuck me" to these men. I was a huge bitch. There's no way they could have taken any of my signals as "ooh, baby, fuck me." Just saying. Hillary is retarded.
I am never going out again.
I don't know how well you guys know me, but I am full of social anxiety. Before I went out to go dancing at club echo, I was having shakes attacks and hyperventilating. I was going out. I don't go out. I was freaking out. Hillary and Kristina (new room mate) had picked out a dress for me. I was wearing my pink, strapless, amy brown fairy dress. I was nervous just about wearing that dress. Anyways, to calm down, I did a bit of pregaming whilst both Ian and Kris Peraldo told me not to go dancing. It was making me freak out. They were concerned. They're good people, Ian and Peraldo.
But I went anyway.
I have to go, I kept insisting, I have zero social life. How am I supposed to meet people if I don't put myself out there?
So, I went, I danced. For most of the night, I had a good time. Four H camp taught me to dance. I like it pretty well. I wiggled my ass. I danced.... never with anybody in particular... but that would have made me uncomfortable.
Hillary's friend, Kendra, made out with some gent I didn't know. Said gent had a friend who was shy. I'm shy. We talked. he bought me a drink. He seemed very nice. I gave him my phone number. Never in my life has a man asked for my phone number. I felt pretty good about it. We talked for awhile about geeky things. He had to leave. While I was chatting with him for like the sixth time, Hillary was dancing with this kid. Hillary stopped dancing when my new friend left, and came to talk to me. then, this wingman comes up and says "You broke my friend's heart" to hillary.
They talk. I act cold. I am the cunt, cock blocking best friend of the drunk woman. Every thing that is said, I have something cold to reply with. I was a huge bitch.
Wingman convinced Hillary to dance with her man again.
Then, he turned on me. He pulled at me, he tugged at me. Please dance with me. I don't dance. You're breaking my heart. Maybe you should find someone who cares. That's cold. What can I say? I'm a fucking bitch.
This guy was relentless.
Eventually, I dance with him, but only because his friend dragged me from the wall. It wasn't bad, until he tried to get handsy. Then, I walked away, clearly pissed.
Hillary thought, whilst I was away, it was a good idea to invite these gents (who tag team touched me inappropriately despite uber negative feedback) to walk us home.
During the walk, I walked ahead of everyone else. Five guys all together. They kept calling me "Chucks" because I wore my chuck taylors. Why do you wear those chucks, they asked, with such a pretty dress.
So I can run away from creeps like you.
Now, if I spoke like this the whole time I was with these gents, and, I definitely did, would you still want to fuck me? I mean, honestly. Five guys, all wanting to fuck me and hillary. If one of us (me) was a huge dick, would you still wanna bone us?
I wouldn't.... but these mens were apparently idiots.
We reached my house.
I'm going to bed, I told them.
Won't you let us in from the rain.
I'll let you on the porch.
Bring us towels.
I'll bring you each a paper towel.
And, I did.
I also got Ian, who was nearly as pissed as I was.
So, I'm acting cold, I'm acting bitchy. It's dawning on these ass holes that I ain't gonna fuck 'em, and I ain't gonna let Hillary fuck them.
Hillary is drunk. Hillary is stupid. These dicks sit on our front porch bitching about getting no pussy. They're angry. They're mad.
Kendra calls. She's crying. She's lost. I drive to get her. Her, and her brother and this other girl Amber, she's cool, she's sober. They hop in my car, I drive to my place.
But this point I am pissed the fuck off.
I yell "get in the god damn car" to Hillary. I drive her and friends to her apartment.
I left Ian alone with the drunken assholes. This was a mistake. He didn't get his ass beat or anything, but he could have. Live and learn.
Hillary stood out side of her apartment in the rain. "I'm so sorry , Emma."
"They're not at your house."
And then, I left.
"Gentlemen," I said, all smiles once returning to the house, "Thank you kindly for walking my friend and I home. I wish you all a good night."
They bitched at me. I kept saying, "Good night, gentlemen." Ian was already back inside. Locked and bolted the door. They're still outside my apartment.
God Damnit.
I'm never going out again.
I hope we don't get our house broken into and stolen from because Hillary is a dumb ass.