Progress spits and stutters, like the basement faucet...
So! Tough couple of weeks but I appear to be pulling out of it all now.
Spent tonight working on the new lavalamp site, and the night before working on some of Katlyns code. Was fun. Really pleased that the clouds are beginning to part and I can concentrate on tasks for ~6 hours without the overwhelming sense of futility I was getting before.
Found a couple of really interesting PhD courses. Think I'll apply. The current 'plan' is to find a PhD course, apply, and go do that starting at the new year (or later). Need to run this past mum, since I'm staying at her place income-less until Jan in the current incarnation of The Plan, but I don't think she'll have any issue with it. I really want to spend the time doing nothing working on either lavalamp or the security scanner. The scanner actually has potential to make IRL MONIES so I'll probably concentrate on that.
Still got a mass of Big Stressy Things, but I'm working my way up to sorting them out. Hopefully I can get back up to full-steam in the next week or so - I really can't afford the downtime.
Kinda miffed that I took this job rejection so badly. I mean, I spent ages working out 'contingency plans' and at multiple points I ended up hoping I _didn't_ get it, just so I could pursue my Dreams. It's funny what upsets me, isn't it?
Still don't really know what to do about the Katlyn situation. I haven't really blogged properly about it, but she invited me to her place when I got the job bombshell, and we chilled for a couple of days before I went to Bradford. One of the Things That Mean A Lot To Alizzes is the whole 'being there when I'm really down and absolutely need it'.
Katlyn, she tells me, loves me. Scary stuff. Meanwhile, I'm doing the 'no we can't have a relationship because that is a BAD WORD' thing. I'm petrified of the whole thing. This isn't stopping her coming to see me again at the weekend, though. I've promised I'll take her to the seaside and that we'll make cookies together and do all manner of other soppy things.
She's very similar to me.
It's odd, isn't it. She asked me, when I saw her, if she reminded me of any of my psycho ex-girlfriends (srsly, how ace is that?). I said no, because she didn't - but, oddly, I was more worried that _I_ was reminding myself of an ex-girlfriend. Worried I'll treat her the way that people have treated me.
Arnie seems in a bad place at the moment, too. Feel pretty powerless there. Tried talking to him about stuff but he did his usual 'talk about you instead' thing, and then we stopped talking. Not a lot I can do other than cross my fingers.
I haven't posted many Happy Things lately, despite quite a few Happy Things happening. I didn't want to mix the 'very happy' and the 'depressed as fuck' lest I just blog things and they sound like 'dull and mediocre things'. Now that I'm coming out a bit, here's a backlog of a few happy things:
* Mummy dearest passed her degree! With a 2:1 nontheless! Go mum! Looking forward to going to her graduation ceremony in a month or two. What a juxtaposition!
* Saw the following picture from Alicia's hen night. Didn't actually recognize myself for a couple of seconds.
HOW GREAT DO I LOOK!
* The Katlyn situation. Hard, but definitely Happy.
* Went to Bradford for ten days or so. Stayed with Steeeeve, who was the best friend I could fucking ask for. Seriously. He encouraged me to clubbing without him, and didn't complain when I then woke him up at 5am and got him to let me in the house. Or the next day, when I did it again. BESTEST FRIENDS FOREVER <3
* Andrew offered me a DJ slot in Bradford. Had to turn it down, since I'm no tin Bradford. But it's nice that someone believes in my DJ skills..
* .. and I really am getting interested in 'music' as a hobby. Did some (terrible) DJ sets earlier while drunk. Was great fun. Kitty assures me I should make some music, as 'its easy'. Not so sure, but might do it anyway - it'll sound terrible but be fun. Has anyone here not read the webcomic bpm yet? I swear I read it on his site, before I bought it, but damned if I can find the link.. Go read it, dudes!
OK, I gotta run. My place is a shithole and I need to tidy / re-ogranise / etc before Katlyn comes down tomorrow so it doesn't look too bad... Seriously, how bad is it to bring a new courting-person to your mums house to stay?! Man.. I hate living with my mum. Oh well.
Love you, readers <3
Spent tonight working on the new lavalamp site, and the night before working on some of Katlyns code. Was fun. Really pleased that the clouds are beginning to part and I can concentrate on tasks for ~6 hours without the overwhelming sense of futility I was getting before.
Found a couple of really interesting PhD courses. Think I'll apply. The current 'plan' is to find a PhD course, apply, and go do that starting at the new year (or later). Need to run this past mum, since I'm staying at her place income-less until Jan in the current incarnation of The Plan, but I don't think she'll have any issue with it. I really want to spend the time doing nothing working on either lavalamp or the security scanner. The scanner actually has potential to make IRL MONIES so I'll probably concentrate on that.
Still got a mass of Big Stressy Things, but I'm working my way up to sorting them out. Hopefully I can get back up to full-steam in the next week or so - I really can't afford the downtime.
Kinda miffed that I took this job rejection so badly. I mean, I spent ages working out 'contingency plans' and at multiple points I ended up hoping I _didn't_ get it, just so I could pursue my Dreams. It's funny what upsets me, isn't it?
Still don't really know what to do about the Katlyn situation. I haven't really blogged properly about it, but she invited me to her place when I got the job bombshell, and we chilled for a couple of days before I went to Bradford. One of the Things That Mean A Lot To Alizzes is the whole 'being there when I'm really down and absolutely need it'.
Katlyn, she tells me, loves me. Scary stuff. Meanwhile, I'm doing the 'no we can't have a relationship because that is a BAD WORD' thing. I'm petrified of the whole thing. This isn't stopping her coming to see me again at the weekend, though. I've promised I'll take her to the seaside and that we'll make cookies together and do all manner of other soppy things.
She's very similar to me.
It's odd, isn't it. She asked me, when I saw her, if she reminded me of any of my psycho ex-girlfriends (srsly, how ace is that?). I said no, because she didn't - but, oddly, I was more worried that _I_ was reminding myself of an ex-girlfriend. Worried I'll treat her the way that people have treated me.
Arnie seems in a bad place at the moment, too. Feel pretty powerless there. Tried talking to him about stuff but he did his usual 'talk about you instead' thing, and then we stopped talking. Not a lot I can do other than cross my fingers.
I haven't posted many Happy Things lately, despite quite a few Happy Things happening. I didn't want to mix the 'very happy' and the 'depressed as fuck' lest I just blog things and they sound like 'dull and mediocre things'. Now that I'm coming out a bit, here's a backlog of a few happy things:
* Mummy dearest passed her degree! With a 2:1 nontheless! Go mum! Looking forward to going to her graduation ceremony in a month or two. What a juxtaposition!
* Saw the following picture from Alicia's hen night. Didn't actually recognize myself for a couple of seconds.
HOW GREAT DO I LOOK!
* The Katlyn situation. Hard, but definitely Happy.
* Went to Bradford for ten days or so. Stayed with Steeeeve, who was the best friend I could fucking ask for. Seriously. He encouraged me to clubbing without him, and didn't complain when I then woke him up at 5am and got him to let me in the house. Or the next day, when I did it again. BESTEST FRIENDS FOREVER <3
* Andrew offered me a DJ slot in Bradford. Had to turn it down, since I'm no tin Bradford. But it's nice that someone believes in my DJ skills..
* .. and I really am getting interested in 'music' as a hobby. Did some (terrible) DJ sets earlier while drunk. Was great fun. Kitty assures me I should make some music, as 'its easy'. Not so sure, but might do it anyway - it'll sound terrible but be fun. Has anyone here not read the webcomic bpm yet? I swear I read it on his site, before I bought it, but damned if I can find the link.. Go read it, dudes!
OK, I gotta run. My place is a shithole and I need to tidy / re-ogranise / etc before Katlyn comes down tomorrow so it doesn't look too bad... Seriously, how bad is it to bring a new courting-person to your mums house to stay?! Man.. I hate living with my mum. Oh well.
Love you, readers <3