I have changed for the better, but things have changed for the worse.
Its been a while, but I've been busy raising kids and working full time. Things have happened, I have changed...for the better.
Yes, I'm working again. Seems that if we need more money, the husband won't get start his career with his degree he worked seven years for, but will sit on his ass waiting for me to get a job. I swore up and down in 2006 that I'd never return to McDonald's after four rather dreadful years there, and yet, I've returned. I work in Valparaiso now, instead of Hebron, and I'm getting ready to go back into (GASP) management. Tuesday is the day of certification. Seems I'm on the fast track since this store needs a manager. Three months ago, I was clawing my way into the managers' good side (for some reason, I was their personal punching bag for a few weeks) and now I'm a trusted employee. Go figure.
The day I found out that my application had been taken in and I was hired started out well. I was stoked that my interview was the next day and Mike and I were cheerful at the thought of more money. However that excitement was short lived. Two hours later, I got a call from Mike at work. He was audibly upset. His cousin had died. 28 years old, went to the doctor for a headache, was given migraine meds, went to bed early, never woke up. She suffered a stroke and never knew it was happening. She was very sweet and caring and it really affected us all. Her funeral was beautiful and she had over 300 people attend. I wish that I was that loved, but I don't wish for the same outcome.
Sadly, because she was young and died unexpectedly, she was autopsied. When I walked up to the casket, I could tell. It was horrible. Her face was sagging on one side, her chest and belly were caved in along her median line, and she had to wear a scarf around her neck to mask the Y-incision. Her body was bruised and broken, butchered. I knew it had to be done, but I HATED it. I hated seeing someone so beautiful in life left like that.
A few days after the funeral, I started work. I wasn't sleeping, I was too tired to sleep it seemed. After about a week of work, I was driving home from Valpo, and it dawned upon me. Why must there be death to sustain me? If I could avoid killing animals, there would be no death or suffering or pain. I thought hard and was enlightened in my after work meditation. Why is it that when a person dies, we cry and mourn and bury our dead? But when an animal is killed, we have a barbecue and celebrate? What tears are shed for the animals who are killed for us to eat? None. Do we mourn them? No. What about their funeral? That's right, their funerals are in our gut, their bodies rendered into shit. When people saw my cousin after she was butchered, they wept, yet no one is phased by the meat on their plate. My mind was set: I became a Vegetarian. I tried being vegan, but it was too hard to start out like that. I'm happy to say its been almost three months of my vegetarian diet, and I feel great. I was afraid of faltering, but I've pulled through. I have the support of Mike and Kim, and Jill, and my cousin Cory (Jill and Cory are Vegetarians too). To others, I have been perceived as a freak for NOT eating animals. "What's wrong with you??" "Are you sick?" "WHY?!?" are all common responses I get when people at work scoff at me for ordering my food meatless. I don't get it, I don't push vegetarianism on others, but people have the gall to make fun of me when I've done nothing to them. People have rubbed bacon on my food even. Why is it weak and weird to not eat an animal? I choose not to and that's not weakness. It took a lot of strength to pull away. Now, I'm so disgusted at the sight of meat that I don't think I'll ever go back. Yay! (also, vegetarians get an extra 7 years to live :D) Too bad I'm a joke at family parties, especially Mike's family :(
So now that I'm an animal lover to the extreme, I've realized today that I don't fit the Republican standards anymore. Well, I didn't before, but now I really don't. I read something on Facebook about discussing the wolf hunt in Idaho. I said I don't believe in killing wolves since they were there first and I was told that all wolves must die because they kill cattle. Yes, the same cattle killed for meat. So, wolves must die so people can eat meat? So there's double the death? And this is what true Republicans are? OMG! Sarah Palin comes to mind...oh my God! I'm not a Repub anymore. I'm not a Dem, either. I am no one. I am not Bisexual anymore, I'm me. I'm Peyton. No more will people tell me that I must believe or live a certain way to fall into a group. Labels are just words used to group people into classes. I will be free of these labels from now on. I guess I'll have to drop the "vegetarian" label and just say "I don't eat meat cuz I think its wrong personally". Yeah, that works!
I feel better about myself. I'm not so tired anymore since I've stopped eating meat and I'm slowly losing the baby fat from the last pregnancy. I have a shorter, sassier haircut and a new set of morals. I am free from myself, but I'm not fully free. Not much has changed between me and Mike. Its gotten worse. He has his college degree sitting in the bedroom going to waste as he's working at McDonald's. We've not been eating well and can't keep up with our bills. I sat at home and watched the kids so he could finish school, so that when he was done and had his career started I could return to school to get my nursing degree. Now, I'm not sure when I'll go back to school. He's just sitting around while I'm waiting for my chance to start my life. I didn't think it was possible to hate the person you're married to, but I'm definately thinking its happening. Now, he's going back to school to get a special education certification to add on to his English degree. When am I going back?? He thought he'd offer to let me go to school twice a week while Kim was here, and I told him no. There's no way I'm going to school part time for a nursing degree; it would take four years at least for an associates degree! He said that he was giving me the chance to return, but I know he just wanted to get me off of his case for returning to school without asking me first. Ugh.
I had a great time with Kim when she came up from NC for a week, and I'll save that for a later post. A happier post. Maybe tomorrow night, when I'm well rested and happy from seeing my sister Robyn (yay!). Until then, I'm going to bed, and cleaning the apartment. Goodnight all!
Yes, I'm working again. Seems that if we need more money, the husband won't get start his career with his degree he worked seven years for, but will sit on his ass waiting for me to get a job. I swore up and down in 2006 that I'd never return to McDonald's after four rather dreadful years there, and yet, I've returned. I work in Valparaiso now, instead of Hebron, and I'm getting ready to go back into (GASP) management. Tuesday is the day of certification. Seems I'm on the fast track since this store needs a manager. Three months ago, I was clawing my way into the managers' good side (for some reason, I was their personal punching bag for a few weeks) and now I'm a trusted employee. Go figure.
The day I found out that my application had been taken in and I was hired started out well. I was stoked that my interview was the next day and Mike and I were cheerful at the thought of more money. However that excitement was short lived. Two hours later, I got a call from Mike at work. He was audibly upset. His cousin had died. 28 years old, went to the doctor for a headache, was given migraine meds, went to bed early, never woke up. She suffered a stroke and never knew it was happening. She was very sweet and caring and it really affected us all. Her funeral was beautiful and she had over 300 people attend. I wish that I was that loved, but I don't wish for the same outcome.
Sadly, because she was young and died unexpectedly, she was autopsied. When I walked up to the casket, I could tell. It was horrible. Her face was sagging on one side, her chest and belly were caved in along her median line, and she had to wear a scarf around her neck to mask the Y-incision. Her body was bruised and broken, butchered. I knew it had to be done, but I HATED it. I hated seeing someone so beautiful in life left like that.
A few days after the funeral, I started work. I wasn't sleeping, I was too tired to sleep it seemed. After about a week of work, I was driving home from Valpo, and it dawned upon me. Why must there be death to sustain me? If I could avoid killing animals, there would be no death or suffering or pain. I thought hard and was enlightened in my after work meditation. Why is it that when a person dies, we cry and mourn and bury our dead? But when an animal is killed, we have a barbecue and celebrate? What tears are shed for the animals who are killed for us to eat? None. Do we mourn them? No. What about their funeral? That's right, their funerals are in our gut, their bodies rendered into shit. When people saw my cousin after she was butchered, they wept, yet no one is phased by the meat on their plate. My mind was set: I became a Vegetarian. I tried being vegan, but it was too hard to start out like that. I'm happy to say its been almost three months of my vegetarian diet, and I feel great. I was afraid of faltering, but I've pulled through. I have the support of Mike and Kim, and Jill, and my cousin Cory (Jill and Cory are Vegetarians too). To others, I have been perceived as a freak for NOT eating animals. "What's wrong with you??" "Are you sick?" "WHY?!?" are all common responses I get when people at work scoff at me for ordering my food meatless. I don't get it, I don't push vegetarianism on others, but people have the gall to make fun of me when I've done nothing to them. People have rubbed bacon on my food even. Why is it weak and weird to not eat an animal? I choose not to and that's not weakness. It took a lot of strength to pull away. Now, I'm so disgusted at the sight of meat that I don't think I'll ever go back. Yay! (also, vegetarians get an extra 7 years to live :D) Too bad I'm a joke at family parties, especially Mike's family :(
So now that I'm an animal lover to the extreme, I've realized today that I don't fit the Republican standards anymore. Well, I didn't before, but now I really don't. I read something on Facebook about discussing the wolf hunt in Idaho. I said I don't believe in killing wolves since they were there first and I was told that all wolves must die because they kill cattle. Yes, the same cattle killed for meat. So, wolves must die so people can eat meat? So there's double the death? And this is what true Republicans are? OMG! Sarah Palin comes to mind...oh my God! I'm not a Repub anymore. I'm not a Dem, either. I am no one. I am not Bisexual anymore, I'm me. I'm Peyton. No more will people tell me that I must believe or live a certain way to fall into a group. Labels are just words used to group people into classes. I will be free of these labels from now on. I guess I'll have to drop the "vegetarian" label and just say "I don't eat meat cuz I think its wrong personally". Yeah, that works!
I feel better about myself. I'm not so tired anymore since I've stopped eating meat and I'm slowly losing the baby fat from the last pregnancy. I have a shorter, sassier haircut and a new set of morals. I am free from myself, but I'm not fully free. Not much has changed between me and Mike. Its gotten worse. He has his college degree sitting in the bedroom going to waste as he's working at McDonald's. We've not been eating well and can't keep up with our bills. I sat at home and watched the kids so he could finish school, so that when he was done and had his career started I could return to school to get my nursing degree. Now, I'm not sure when I'll go back to school. He's just sitting around while I'm waiting for my chance to start my life. I didn't think it was possible to hate the person you're married to, but I'm definately thinking its happening. Now, he's going back to school to get a special education certification to add on to his English degree. When am I going back?? He thought he'd offer to let me go to school twice a week while Kim was here, and I told him no. There's no way I'm going to school part time for a nursing degree; it would take four years at least for an associates degree! He said that he was giving me the chance to return, but I know he just wanted to get me off of his case for returning to school without asking me first. Ugh.
I had a great time with Kim when she came up from NC for a week, and I'll save that for a later post. A happier post. Maybe tomorrow night, when I'm well rested and happy from seeing my sister Robyn (yay!). Until then, I'm going to bed, and cleaning the apartment. Goodnight all!