No Pun Intended
Who: America (idkmybfftony) and Germany (mashespotatoes)
Where A random room on the 9th Floor
When: Today, May 12
Rating: PG-13?
Summary: America comes out of the closet
the Story:
He felt horrible, absolutely terrible, that everything had played out as it had the last couple of days. It raised so many questions - what if there was an event that was 1940 instead of 1910? What if he lost himself to that time instead? At least in 1910 he cared more about the whole...nationalism/militaristic rivalry bits. And not the ....
......other nations. Oh. Shit. America. He'd locked America in a closet in the ninth floor, hadn't he? The ninth floor was so...big, too. A careful check of his pocket found America's device thing. Great. Wonderful, even.
A few colorful swears in German and a couple hours later, Germany is checking out yet another room hoping - no, praying - this is the closet he locked America in.
Was there something in front of the door? Honestly, America couldn't remember. There was an event, and he knew it was 1910. He was thrown in, and the door was shut, and he remembered screaming. Hitting, clawing trying to open it.
Eventually that stopped, and he lost track of time. Then again, time for a nation was different than it was for a human. He grew tired of trying to escape long before the event ended, and his 'maturity' set in.
But there was plenty of time to bask in how utterly useless he was, how angry he was, how utterly terrified he was to be without his boss and listening to him and-
...And how alone he was.
He's too busy internalizing to even acknowledge the noises outside the door. He's sitting in the corner of the closet, knees bent and arms crossed on top of it, forehead against his arms.
Germany opens the door to the closet and -- oh thank god. But what could have been a sigh of relief was quickly turned into a quick and stammered apology, "America! I- I'm so sorry."
....oh, the door is open. America just... looks up and blinks at him. No, he doesn't say anything, just... kind of stares. Warily, almost.
Germany just stares back at him, a mixture of horrified (shit what have I done) and guilt and apology on his face. Finally, after standing stupidly and unhelpfully for a few seconds, he offers his hand to America.
America's eyes shift, and he stares at the hand, as if he had no idea what that was for.
If Wonderland has taught him anything, it is that he doesn't play the victim well. At all. Heroes should not be in situations where they're useless, where they're forced to surrender, where they can't defend themselves due to the ideals of their people.
The mansion also enjoyed using his friends against him.
Germany. Japan. England.
He swats the hand away and uses the wall to get up, now focusing on the floor.
ermany doesn't really need to be told twice after that...lovely acceptance of his gesture, so he gets out of the way so America can, you know, come out of the closet. (No pun intended.)
And he does. Though hesitantly, because yeah, being locked in a dark closet kind of throws off the senses. (And due to Hetalia, this isn't the first time he's 'emerged' from it thanks guys.)
He squints a bit because ahhh light and... sits down on the bed. Stares at a wall. Tries to think of first course of action, because as much as he wants to, he can't be mad at Germany. Or anyone.
It wasn't his fault, it was the mansion's. But how could he blow up the mansion without killing anyone else? Hmm.
Germany is trying really, really hard not to thinking about the things of things locking people in closets could remind him of. Trying really hard. Maybe someday he'll get Alzheimer's. (Alois Alzheimer was Bavarian, and everything.) So he, like America, has become once again utterly fascinated with the room like say the carpet.
"America...I..." what else can he say, even?
"....don't."
America's voice isn't his own. Detached. Distant. The voice of a calculating super power who is seconds from slaughtering everyone because it was a 'good idea at the time'. He blinks a bit, makes a face, and shakes his head. Now in a more normal tone.
"It wasn't your fault."
He just sighs in return. They've been having this argument almost nonstop for days now.
"...I would've gotten here sooner, but there are a lot of rooms on this floor."
"I know."
America tries to smile, but it feels pathetic so he stops.
"I would've called, but... heh.." He swallows sharply, grips at the sheets, tries to come to some sort of agreement in his mind and the ~emotional turmoil~ he's feeling.
Oh! Right! Germany pulls America's device thing out of his pocket at tosses it to the other nation. "Yeah."
America catches it, stares at it for a few long seconds, and he pockets it.
"...thanks."
Just a kind of automatic reply, most of his actions and words are just... automatic. Better this than... screaming at Germany. Of course. Because it's pointless.
Screaming is really only going to make him feel a lot worse, and he's already feeling horrible and yeah it is a little pointless, but by all means go for it.
"Of course."
It's not that he doesn't have the energy to. It's that he doesn't want to. Because god forbid he opens his mouth and starts screaming, he might never stop. He might become hysterical.
Better to pent up all the negative emotions into his chest and store them for later.
Boy that wall is so interesting. He'd offer to leave but right now he has... nowhere to go. God life sucks right now, let's focus on why life sucks so he can stay depress longer.
"...Do you need anything?" You know they did that whole kissing thing the other day, so I guess that makes them. uh. friends.
Oh, yeah. They kissed, didn't they. Friends with... benefits.
And then America got his ass beat. Again. But America also realized how much Germany was like his brother, who oh right, the whole 'hero worship because hey you're gonna help me kick my ex-brother's ass and gain my independence right?' thing... yeah. He should not be thinking of Germany as an empire right then, that's not helping in the greater scheme of everything, how scared he was of him, and now here he is, fretting over him like a child.
"...I'm fine." He sucks at lying forever, so he lies to the wall.
"...Alright, well," he looks over at the door, "if you need anything..."
"....wait." America wrings his hands together, lowers his eyes to the floor. He might be sulking, pouting, everything heroes shouldn't.
"...don't leave yet."
He was alone for the past few days, and he... kind of didn't want to do it again so soon. He's a little annoyed at this, but he's so useless right now he might as well just... kind of admit it to himself.
Germany stops, and looks back at America. He figured, of course, that he'd be the last person America would want to be with right now. "...Alright."
America can only imagine how pathetic he looks as he sits there, shoulders slumped a bit, staring at the floor, trying so hard to keep himself from falling apart. And he wants Germany there.
"I'm not... mad at you."
Germany has seen an awful lot of people fall apart, hell, he's fallen apart. It's not pathetic.
"It's alright if you are."
But America is the hero. Heroes don't fall apart. They save others who do, but that's it.
"...no, it's not. It was the mansion who... made you like that."
"America, I was an empire a hundred years ago."
"But you're not one today."
...okay, he didn't mean for that to come out as it did. Great.
"...I mean, your policies and stuff have changed since then.."
"Yes, they have."
"You didn't choose to... regress.."
Neither did he. God what even. At least if he talks about Germany and not himself it's better, yay detaching self from stressors and trying to deny them.
"That's true," He nods. He hates that the mansion can just do that, and hates the fear that since the events are based off of memories it could happen, but worse. He'd personally invaded or attacked at least half the countries at the mansion at that time, not to mention whatever twisted memories the major had.
....The Major. Oh yes. America had the lucky misfortune of speaking to him, too. That's a whole other box he wants to shove away.
Ignore him as he pathetically hugs himself. Boy the carpet is nice and plush.
Germany sits down next to America, hesitantly. That's what friends do, right?
America tenses a little bit but it doesn't last long. He sighs, trying to stay calm. He is. Denial is hard, and its not how he rolls. Well, not entirely.
"....I hate this place."
"Yeah, me too."
America sighs again, almost shakily, before he... leans his head against Germany's shoulder. This would be so much easier if Canada was around; as America would be there and demanding attention of his often forgotten brother.
Forgotten until he was needed, anyway.
"It'd be nice to forget everything, once we leave this place."
After America leans his head on his shoulder, and he's gotten used to it, he tentatively puts an arm around America's shoulders. "...Everything," he repeats. But there are somethings he'd rather not forget.
Like the feeling of America leaning on his shoulder.
So America's an attention whore. He was as a child, which England spitefully ignored every time he left him alone. And kind of.. didn't care until oh wait revolution. And allies are cool but bosses for a while were like 'no Europe is bad oh btw England is a tool don't talk to him.'
He's not entirely sure why Germany's arm around his shoulders is rather welcoming; plus he's not up to spending energy better left for wangsting internally debating it.
So he hugs Germany around his midsection, leaning against his shoulder a bit more. To him, this is perfectly natural. So yes, totally not weird at all.
Germany is also too busy being depressed to be totally awkward about this, so I guess there's a little good in everything.
Good, so Germany won't feel weird about America partially cuddling against him, then. It's just to make him feel better. Of course.
"...you were scary as an empire."
Somehow this is mumbled as a compliment.
But Germany manages to miss the complimentary aspect of that remark. "I'm sorry."
America chuckles. Either that, or he made some sort of weird strangled sob that sounded like a chuckle.
"...you apologize too much."
"Sor--oh." Whoops.
"You shouldn't apologize for stuff that's not your fault. Even if England says that-"
He cuts off a moment, takes a few shaky breaths, before continuing.
"...sometimes people want to hear apologies, but they can't be good if they're just said, right? There should be meaning behind them."
Germany isn't sure how to reply, because his apologizes always have meaning. Do they come across so...blase to everyone else? Or were they just tired of hearing it?
Clearly there was only one thing to say, "I see."
"...or something. Heroes don't apologize a lot."
America was rambling at this point, because talking was good. Talking about how he wasn't beaten up or tormented or picked on by everyone was good. Ignore the fact that he's clinging to Germany's shirt as he tightens the hug just a bit. Parroting back words he's heard is a great way of denying everything.
...Yeah he's totally grasping at straws now. Speaking is something that's just... for the sake of keeping things not awkward.
"What was it like, to be an empire?"
"Different. It's been a long time since I..." he trailed off. A long time since he'd been really competitive in that sense. Sure his economy was pretty kick ass these days (although there were days he looked nostalgically at the marks he kept under his mattress, you know, in case the Euro ever tanked or whatever) but he had been a militaristic nation then. Everyone knew it, everyone still talked about it, "I was kind of a naive country at the time."
Funny how that worked. Germany, Prussia, and England were all ~empires~ at one point. He didn't really get the concept of it. Sure, there was manifest destiny, but Canada didn't like that very much.
"...well, you were younger. It's to be expected."
Rationalizing himself, too, but not wanting to. He's more than content in listening to Germany talk than trying to talk himself.
Well Germany was mostly an empire because of Prussia. Prussia had really...pretty much set the whole thing up. But now...well, he hadn't seen his brother in some days now.
"I suppose so, yes. We all wanted to be heroes at some point."
"Seems like it's all about claiming lands or something. Sounds kinda boring."
Ahhh.. the heroes comment makes him sniffle a bit. IGNORING NEGATIVE EMOTIONS. btw bestie you're kind of comfortable to snuggle with.
Germany finds himself tightening his arm around America's shoulders as the other nation gets closer. Totally intentionally, of course.
"It's about power. Europe has pretended time and time again that they're having a 'balance of power.'That's why they had the Congress of Vienna. Then wasn't it strange that later we had to hold the Congress of Berlin to consolidate power and ensure it's balance? It's about balance in tipping the odds in your favor. Strategy," he actually...seems kind of interested in what he's talking about, "Europe will never have a 'balance of power' in the sense we always go around talking about. Everyone knows that. There isn't balance now, not even with the whole European Union. But the Union allows countries like Luxembourg to feel less threatened. In those days, tipping the balance of power in your favor meant you had power. It meant you understood how to play the game, usually diplomatically, but sometimes militaristically. Go to far, well, that's when you hit war."
"Sounds like 'Risk'. Or chess. Or.. something."
America grins; a far cry from what it usually is but that's probably the most he ever heard Germany speak in one time. It's... nice. "Heh, must be real crazy to be surrounded by so many constantly.."
The tightening encourages him move his arms up from his midsection area to... more around his chest. Yeah, if this continues, America's probably going to be in his lap. like a good waifu
"Oh, yeah, Risk is based off of the Napoleonic-Era," Germany nodded, "it had a lot of principles like chess, I suppose, which really made it all the more hypocritical. But in those days we - I - didn't really think in those terms. "
He only catches America's grin because he looks over at him when he moves a little.
Maybe it doesn't help that America's kind of looking up at him. Wow, Germany has a voice. And likes things. And can talk full sentences and give dissertations on taking nations over. Of course it's technically about crushing weaker opponents and is essentially a morbid topic but it interests America, too.
Probably more than it should. Western expansion was awesome.
"...well, yeah. Cause the game wasn't invented yet."
Imagine that, Germany actually likes things, what a novel idea.
"People have been playing Chess for years. I imagine that, in some ways, the bosses and diplomats of the time felt like they were playing chess themselves."
: "...chess is boring." America mumbles against Germany's shoulder in the same tired way a child would protest that reading sucks and he'd rather be playing video games. "But it sounds cooler when the pieces are living."
No that's not a sketchy response at all.
"Well, that's certainly how we felt at the time," he sighs, "but it's not really the most humanitarian approach to handling one's foreign affairs."
"...I suppose not." America makes a thoughtful sound. "War sounds so different when there's strategy involved.."
"It is, yes."
America makes another thoughtful noise, almost like a sigh. Though he's trying to be amused. Trying being the keyword.
"...you must rarely lose at puzzle games, huh."
"Huh? Oh, not too often, I guess. Games like those are interesting." Gotta pass the time somehow.
"If chess wasn't so boring, I'd play you sometime." I just totally picture America being forced to play chess by people because it's fun.
Germany laughs a little at the wording of the comment, "Alright."
America snuggles him a bit more. Yes, even heroes need hugs sometimes. He is feeling better, at least. "But I won't go easy on you. I hate losing, after all."
"I understand." He moves his hand from America's shoulder to his hair, kind of petting (idk that's a horrible verb) it lightly, or whatever the correct verb would be here.
America has become a puppy. What even. Actually not because playing with hair is awesome and strangely relaxing not that I know from experience though it's not like this situation could be any more awkward. Not with the oddly content sigh America makes.
Or that that reminds him how hard it is to sleep in a closet.
Or how warm and comfortable Germany is to lean against.
Germany actually smiles a little. He's always taking care of someone - like Italy - and it seems to be something he just...does. And America is oddly content being taken care of in this moment.
What good support Germany has become. America has trained him well.
Though surprisingly, his clinging to Germany's shirt kind of loosens up a bit. Yay attention. He enjoys it for a few moments.
"...I'm hungry." He mumbles, though at this point he's like... half asleep.
"..Do you want me to get you something?" Don't fall asleep bestie ahh
And the clinging's back. No, because Germany moving means he'd lose his pillow. Right. And that.... comfort thing.
"No. I'm fine. I'll get something later."
"Are you sure?" He doesn't sound convinced. At all.
America answers by hugging him tighter. Yes. Somehow this is the answer to everything. Don't leave bestie ahhhhh.
"If you're sure, then." It's okay bestie he won't leave.
"....Yes."
Only not, he's unsure because he's confused but Germany was his friend so it's perfectly normal and not gay to cuddle with your friends. It's not like they're yelling at each other in a bathroom.
"...Alright."
Not gay at all. Although you might want to explain that to Germany because America totally kissed him and Germany is totes really confused. And. okay. The awkward is kind of coming back. Since we're relaxing
At least America wasn't on top of him on the floor and crying? Come now, gotta keep some gay away from here. Save that scene for later If by awkward Germany stops playing with America's hair, then yes, he'll kind of realize that he can't just sit there and cling to Germany forever, that he needs to... let go eventually.
This is what happens when you come out of the closet.
That's probably what it means, sorry bestie. He's trying. Really, he is.
Ahh he gets a B for effort, at least. America pulls away slowly and discreetly removes his glasses and rubs at his eyes. Because he's tired. Not dealing with residual fears and whatever from the event. And he'll distract himself by cleaning off his glasses, too. With his shirt.
At least he looks less like a kicked puppy and more like.. a confused one. Yeah.
Poor America, having to move away from Germany and everything. Germany watches him cleaning his glasses because I guess that's what there is to do right now.
Yes, poor him. Poor hero. It kind of irritated him that there's silence, but that's only because he can think when its quiet. He prefers loud and noisy and everything so he didn't have to think about things.
Specifically the event.
Specifically everything.
"...Heh." He's so... restless. Agitated. He wants to punch things and scream and yet he wants to be left alone. Emotions are really confusing for him; especially since he's used to the conflicting desires of his people. He wants to go punch the Major or shake England or yell at Germany, but...
He puts his glasses back on and stands up, giving an idle tug to his shirt. At least he learned how to tsun from the best of them, though he's nowhere near as good at it as England was. And that was his life.
"I won't keep you any longer." America can play the terse game, too.
America had asked him to stay, and now he wanted him to leave. He didn't really understand, but he stood up anyway. His silence wasn't that he didn't want to talk to America, but that he respected America's ability to have his own silence. Germany rarely talked about himself, and it seemed highly hypocritical to ask other people to talk about themselves, or pry into their personal details. Those were their things, and not his business. And in any case, it was his fault America had been locked in a closet so...
America's request for him to stay and seemed all the more strange, really, because of that, but now America was really changing his view on that. "If you want me to go..."
America almost answers but he doesn't. Funny, because, even he didn't know what he wants. He hates talking about himself in that way; there are people in his house who love to feed off his imperfections, who dwell on them, and he's used to focusing on being perfect, the 'ideal nation', and the hero. Ignore the doubt, the insecurities, because heroes didn't have those.
He knows a lot of the other countries didn't like him because his pride got in the way. Made things complicated.
"N-No, it's.."
He runs a hand through his hair. Frustrated. Everything is so.. annoying.
He heads for the door.
Well that wasn't confusing at all - saying no but heading for the door. Right. But he has to ask because what, even, bestie? "It's what?"
"I need to find a room."
Let's try changing the topic entirely!
"...Oh. Alright."
Chance to escape = yesssss. America might actually kind of feel bad if he wasn't trying to avoid punching Germany in the face. Yay it's the hallway, and holy crap what even. Why do the rooms go up this high?
Because they can, obviously. Unfortunately there is only one door to this room, which means Germany gets to follow shortly thereafter. Hope you enjoy company.
The purpose of avoiding someone fails so hardcore when the person is following you. America kind of looks down both hallways like he's trying to cross the street but.. takes no initiative to head down a way. Thoughtful pensive face.
"I'll, um, go back now." Germany totally passed the class on reading the situation.
There is hesitancy. He glances at Germany briefly, kind of makes this lame attempt at a smile, before he glances away.
"....sure." Most unconvincing ever.
Yeah, that one isn't hard to see. I mean, America smiles so often it's easier to tell when it's fake. "...Unless you need something else?" Bestie why can't you be straight forward? (Pot. Kettle.)
"....no." Good thing he also sucks at lying, too. He sighs, pats his pockets. Of course. He doesn't have his cigs on him.
At least he doesn't outwardly cry all the time like Italy does?
"...I mean.. I don't... know."
"I can see that."
Wait. No. Shit. Take it back. He didn't mean to say that outloud.
Germany gets a sharp look for that little slip, one he didn't mean to make. Usually, he expects sarcasm from England but... from Germany?
And what hurts the most is that it's true.
"...shut up. You weren't the one who-"
No. He isn't falling for this. He's not in the mood. His fists clench at his sides and tighten briefly. God he hates everything, and the fact that he's letting Germany get to him is horrible, in his own mind.
So much easier to focus on how much the former empire pissed him off yesterday.
"You're right," he's still, like, mentally willing the comment to disappear again but that's not really working out so well. America is just being so - so hard to deal with. He wants to help him but he doesn't know if it's better to stay or go.
"Stop that." This isn't helping. But the fact that he's not actually leaving means he might want this; to yell and scream and be heard. Because he always has an opinion and he always has to speak his mind, even if he doesn't want to.
He's such a masochist.
He opens his mouth to apologize for apologizing but that was stupid, so he just stops. He'll just wait, to see what America decides. It's alright, he doesn't really have plans.
The silence almost feels condenscending, but that's because, again, he sucks at playing the victim.
He checks his pockets again for cigarettes he knows he doesn't have but it's something to do. Again with the quiet.
"Don't agree with me on this."
Germany would give him cigarettes if he had any, but he doesn't really smoke anymore at all, so.
He nods back towards the room they just came out of, "On that?"
"Yes. On that." He doesn't want to be snippy at Germany but he is, because he can't be mad at the mansion. Though punching a wall sounds lovely right then, as it'd be an action of releasing aggression.
It'd probably make Germany run away, too. He looks at his hand as he clenches it and unclenches it, debating.
"It was nothing. Stop trying to make it like it's not."
Sorry I'm so confusing bestie, can we go back to hugging yet?
"America, I locked you in a closet for the better part of twenty-four hours," he doesn't sound aggressive at all, mostly because he can tell America wants to fight about this.
Germany kind of wishes they were back to the hugging and the cuddling and what even.
"Don't say it like you had a choice!" This would be so much easier if he just... was direct about how he's feeling. But he's not. He's sulking and brooding and.. oh hell he's just going to start walking.
When he goes, Germany just lets him, without saying anything. It's okay bestie, I'll be around if you need me.
Eventually he will realize he's going the wrong way, but whatever. Maybe he'll find something to punch or scream at this way.
Where A random room on the 9th Floor
When: Today, May 12
Rating: PG-13?
Summary: America comes out of the closet
the Story:
He felt horrible, absolutely terrible, that everything had played out as it had the last couple of days. It raised so many questions - what if there was an event that was 1940 instead of 1910? What if he lost himself to that time instead? At least in 1910 he cared more about the whole...nationalism/militaristic rivalry bits. And not the ....
......other nations. Oh. Shit. America. He'd locked America in a closet in the ninth floor, hadn't he? The ninth floor was so...big, too. A careful check of his pocket found America's device thing. Great. Wonderful, even.
A few colorful swears in German and a couple hours later, Germany is checking out yet another room hoping - no, praying - this is the closet he locked America in.
Was there something in front of the door? Honestly, America couldn't remember. There was an event, and he knew it was 1910. He was thrown in, and the door was shut, and he remembered screaming. Hitting, clawing trying to open it.
Eventually that stopped, and he lost track of time. Then again, time for a nation was different than it was for a human. He grew tired of trying to escape long before the event ended, and his 'maturity' set in.
But there was plenty of time to bask in how utterly useless he was, how angry he was, how utterly terrified he was to be without his boss and listening to him and-
...And how alone he was.
He's too busy internalizing to even acknowledge the noises outside the door. He's sitting in the corner of the closet, knees bent and arms crossed on top of it, forehead against his arms.
Germany opens the door to the closet and -- oh thank god. But what could have been a sigh of relief was quickly turned into a quick and stammered apology, "America! I- I'm so sorry."
....oh, the door is open. America just... looks up and blinks at him. No, he doesn't say anything, just... kind of stares. Warily, almost.
Germany just stares back at him, a mixture of horrified (shit what have I done) and guilt and apology on his face. Finally, after standing stupidly and unhelpfully for a few seconds, he offers his hand to America.
America's eyes shift, and he stares at the hand, as if he had no idea what that was for.
If Wonderland has taught him anything, it is that he doesn't play the victim well. At all. Heroes should not be in situations where they're useless, where they're forced to surrender, where they can't defend themselves due to the ideals of their people.
The mansion also enjoyed using his friends against him.
Germany. Japan. England.
He swats the hand away and uses the wall to get up, now focusing on the floor.
ermany doesn't really need to be told twice after that...lovely acceptance of his gesture, so he gets out of the way so America can, you know, come out of the closet. (No pun intended.)
And he does. Though hesitantly, because yeah, being locked in a dark closet kind of throws off the senses. (And due to Hetalia, this isn't the first time he's 'emerged' from it thanks guys.)
He squints a bit because ahhh light and... sits down on the bed. Stares at a wall. Tries to think of first course of action, because as much as he wants to, he can't be mad at Germany. Or anyone.
It wasn't his fault, it was the mansion's. But how could he blow up the mansion without killing anyone else? Hmm.
Germany is trying really, really hard not to thinking about the things of things locking people in closets could remind him of. Trying really hard. Maybe someday he'll get Alzheimer's. (Alois Alzheimer was Bavarian, and everything.) So he, like America, has become once again utterly fascinated with the room like say the carpet.
"America...I..." what else can he say, even?
"....don't."
America's voice isn't his own. Detached. Distant. The voice of a calculating super power who is seconds from slaughtering everyone because it was a 'good idea at the time'. He blinks a bit, makes a face, and shakes his head. Now in a more normal tone.
"It wasn't your fault."
He just sighs in return. They've been having this argument almost nonstop for days now.
"...I would've gotten here sooner, but there are a lot of rooms on this floor."
"I know."
America tries to smile, but it feels pathetic so he stops.
"I would've called, but... heh.." He swallows sharply, grips at the sheets, tries to come to some sort of agreement in his mind and the ~emotional turmoil~ he's feeling.
Oh! Right! Germany pulls America's device thing out of his pocket at tosses it to the other nation. "Yeah."
America catches it, stares at it for a few long seconds, and he pockets it.
"...thanks."
Just a kind of automatic reply, most of his actions and words are just... automatic. Better this than... screaming at Germany. Of course. Because it's pointless.
Screaming is really only going to make him feel a lot worse, and he's already feeling horrible and yeah it is a little pointless, but by all means go for it.
"Of course."
It's not that he doesn't have the energy to. It's that he doesn't want to. Because god forbid he opens his mouth and starts screaming, he might never stop. He might become hysterical.
Better to pent up all the negative emotions into his chest and store them for later.
Boy that wall is so interesting. He'd offer to leave but right now he has... nowhere to go. God life sucks right now, let's focus on why life sucks so he can stay depress longer.
"...Do you need anything?" You know they did that whole kissing thing the other day, so I guess that makes them. uh. friends.
Oh, yeah. They kissed, didn't they. Friends with... benefits.
And then America got his ass beat. Again. But America also realized how much Germany was like his brother, who oh right, the whole 'hero worship because hey you're gonna help me kick my ex-brother's ass and gain my independence right?' thing... yeah. He should not be thinking of Germany as an empire right then, that's not helping in the greater scheme of everything, how scared he was of him, and now here he is, fretting over him like a child.
"...I'm fine." He sucks at lying forever, so he lies to the wall.
"...Alright, well," he looks over at the door, "if you need anything..."
"....wait." America wrings his hands together, lowers his eyes to the floor. He might be sulking, pouting, everything heroes shouldn't.
"...don't leave yet."
He was alone for the past few days, and he... kind of didn't want to do it again so soon. He's a little annoyed at this, but he's so useless right now he might as well just... kind of admit it to himself.
Germany stops, and looks back at America. He figured, of course, that he'd be the last person America would want to be with right now. "...Alright."
America can only imagine how pathetic he looks as he sits there, shoulders slumped a bit, staring at the floor, trying so hard to keep himself from falling apart. And he wants Germany there.
"I'm not... mad at you."
Germany has seen an awful lot of people fall apart, hell, he's fallen apart. It's not pathetic.
"It's alright if you are."
But America is the hero. Heroes don't fall apart. They save others who do, but that's it.
"...no, it's not. It was the mansion who... made you like that."
"America, I was an empire a hundred years ago."
"But you're not one today."
...okay, he didn't mean for that to come out as it did. Great.
"...I mean, your policies and stuff have changed since then.."
"Yes, they have."
"You didn't choose to... regress.."
Neither did he. God what even. At least if he talks about Germany and not himself it's better, yay detaching self from stressors and trying to deny them.
"That's true," He nods. He hates that the mansion can just do that, and hates the fear that since the events are based off of memories it could happen, but worse. He'd personally invaded or attacked at least half the countries at the mansion at that time, not to mention whatever twisted memories the major had.
....The Major. Oh yes. America had the lucky misfortune of speaking to him, too. That's a whole other box he wants to shove away.
Ignore him as he pathetically hugs himself. Boy the carpet is nice and plush.
Germany sits down next to America, hesitantly. That's what friends do, right?
America tenses a little bit but it doesn't last long. He sighs, trying to stay calm. He is. Denial is hard, and its not how he rolls. Well, not entirely.
"....I hate this place."
"Yeah, me too."
America sighs again, almost shakily, before he... leans his head against Germany's shoulder. This would be so much easier if Canada was around; as America would be there and demanding attention of his often forgotten brother.
Forgotten until he was needed, anyway.
"It'd be nice to forget everything, once we leave this place."
After America leans his head on his shoulder, and he's gotten used to it, he tentatively puts an arm around America's shoulders. "...Everything," he repeats. But there are somethings he'd rather not forget.
Like the feeling of America leaning on his shoulder.
So America's an attention whore. He was as a child, which England spitefully ignored every time he left him alone. And kind of.. didn't care until oh wait revolution. And allies are cool but bosses for a while were like 'no Europe is bad oh btw England is a tool don't talk to him.'
He's not entirely sure why Germany's arm around his shoulders is rather welcoming; plus he's not up to spending energy better left for wangsting internally debating it.
So he hugs Germany around his midsection, leaning against his shoulder a bit more. To him, this is perfectly natural. So yes, totally not weird at all.
Germany is also too busy being depressed to be totally awkward about this, so I guess there's a little good in everything.
Good, so Germany won't feel weird about America partially cuddling against him, then. It's just to make him feel better. Of course.
"...you were scary as an empire."
Somehow this is mumbled as a compliment.
But Germany manages to miss the complimentary aspect of that remark. "I'm sorry."
America chuckles. Either that, or he made some sort of weird strangled sob that sounded like a chuckle.
"...you apologize too much."
"Sor--oh." Whoops.
"You shouldn't apologize for stuff that's not your fault. Even if England says that-"
He cuts off a moment, takes a few shaky breaths, before continuing.
"...sometimes people want to hear apologies, but they can't be good if they're just said, right? There should be meaning behind them."
Germany isn't sure how to reply, because his apologizes always have meaning. Do they come across so...blase to everyone else? Or were they just tired of hearing it?
Clearly there was only one thing to say, "I see."
"...or something. Heroes don't apologize a lot."
America was rambling at this point, because talking was good. Talking about how he wasn't beaten up or tormented or picked on by everyone was good. Ignore the fact that he's clinging to Germany's shirt as he tightens the hug just a bit. Parroting back words he's heard is a great way of denying everything.
...Yeah he's totally grasping at straws now. Speaking is something that's just... for the sake of keeping things not awkward.
"What was it like, to be an empire?"
"Different. It's been a long time since I..." he trailed off. A long time since he'd been really competitive in that sense. Sure his economy was pretty kick ass these days (although there were days he looked nostalgically at the marks he kept under his mattress, you know, in case the Euro ever tanked or whatever) but he had been a militaristic nation then. Everyone knew it, everyone still talked about it, "I was kind of a naive country at the time."
Funny how that worked. Germany, Prussia, and England were all ~empires~ at one point. He didn't really get the concept of it. Sure, there was manifest destiny, but Canada didn't like that very much.
"...well, you were younger. It's to be expected."
Rationalizing himself, too, but not wanting to. He's more than content in listening to Germany talk than trying to talk himself.
Well Germany was mostly an empire because of Prussia. Prussia had really...pretty much set the whole thing up. But now...well, he hadn't seen his brother in some days now.
"I suppose so, yes. We all wanted to be heroes at some point."
"Seems like it's all about claiming lands or something. Sounds kinda boring."
Ahhh.. the heroes comment makes him sniffle a bit. IGNORING NEGATIVE EMOTIONS. btw bestie you're kind of comfortable to snuggle with.
Germany finds himself tightening his arm around America's shoulders as the other nation gets closer. Totally intentionally, of course.
"It's about power. Europe has pretended time and time again that they're having a 'balance of power.'That's why they had the Congress of Vienna. Then wasn't it strange that later we had to hold the Congress of Berlin to consolidate power and ensure it's balance? It's about balance in tipping the odds in your favor. Strategy," he actually...seems kind of interested in what he's talking about, "Europe will never have a 'balance of power' in the sense we always go around talking about. Everyone knows that. There isn't balance now, not even with the whole European Union. But the Union allows countries like Luxembourg to feel less threatened. In those days, tipping the balance of power in your favor meant you had power. It meant you understood how to play the game, usually diplomatically, but sometimes militaristically. Go to far, well, that's when you hit war."
"Sounds like 'Risk'. Or chess. Or.. something."
America grins; a far cry from what it usually is but that's probably the most he ever heard Germany speak in one time. It's... nice. "Heh, must be real crazy to be surrounded by so many constantly.."
The tightening encourages him move his arms up from his midsection area to... more around his chest. Yeah, if this continues, America's probably going to be in his lap. like a good waifu
"Oh, yeah, Risk is based off of the Napoleonic-Era," Germany nodded, "it had a lot of principles like chess, I suppose, which really made it all the more hypocritical. But in those days we - I - didn't really think in those terms. "
He only catches America's grin because he looks over at him when he moves a little.
Maybe it doesn't help that America's kind of looking up at him. Wow, Germany has a voice. And likes things. And can talk full sentences and give dissertations on taking nations over. Of course it's technically about crushing weaker opponents and is essentially a morbid topic but it interests America, too.
Probably more than it should. Western expansion was awesome.
"...well, yeah. Cause the game wasn't invented yet."
Imagine that, Germany actually likes things, what a novel idea.
"People have been playing Chess for years. I imagine that, in some ways, the bosses and diplomats of the time felt like they were playing chess themselves."
: "...chess is boring." America mumbles against Germany's shoulder in the same tired way a child would protest that reading sucks and he'd rather be playing video games. "But it sounds cooler when the pieces are living."
No that's not a sketchy response at all.
"Well, that's certainly how we felt at the time," he sighs, "but it's not really the most humanitarian approach to handling one's foreign affairs."
"...I suppose not." America makes a thoughtful sound. "War sounds so different when there's strategy involved.."
"It is, yes."
America makes another thoughtful noise, almost like a sigh. Though he's trying to be amused. Trying being the keyword.
"...you must rarely lose at puzzle games, huh."
"Huh? Oh, not too often, I guess. Games like those are interesting." Gotta pass the time somehow.
"If chess wasn't so boring, I'd play you sometime." I just totally picture America being forced to play chess by people because it's fun.
Germany laughs a little at the wording of the comment, "Alright."
America snuggles him a bit more. Yes, even heroes need hugs sometimes. He is feeling better, at least. "But I won't go easy on you. I hate losing, after all."
"I understand." He moves his hand from America's shoulder to his hair, kind of petting (idk that's a horrible verb) it lightly, or whatever the correct verb would be here.
America has become a puppy. What even. Actually not because playing with hair is awesome and strangely relaxing not that I know from experience though it's not like this situation could be any more awkward. Not with the oddly content sigh America makes.
Or that that reminds him how hard it is to sleep in a closet.
Or how warm and comfortable Germany is to lean against.
Germany actually smiles a little. He's always taking care of someone - like Italy - and it seems to be something he just...does. And America is oddly content being taken care of in this moment.
What good support Germany has become. America has trained him well.
Though surprisingly, his clinging to Germany's shirt kind of loosens up a bit. Yay attention. He enjoys it for a few moments.
"...I'm hungry." He mumbles, though at this point he's like... half asleep.
"..Do you want me to get you something?" Don't fall asleep bestie ahh
And the clinging's back. No, because Germany moving means he'd lose his pillow. Right. And that.... comfort thing.
"No. I'm fine. I'll get something later."
"Are you sure?" He doesn't sound convinced. At all.
America answers by hugging him tighter. Yes. Somehow this is the answer to everything. Don't leave bestie ahhhhh.
"If you're sure, then." It's okay bestie he won't leave.
"....Yes."
Only not, he's unsure because he's confused but Germany was his friend so it's perfectly normal and not gay to cuddle with your friends. It's not like they're yelling at each other in a bathroom.
"...Alright."
Not gay at all. Although you might want to explain that to Germany because America totally kissed him and Germany is totes really confused. And. okay. The awkward is kind of coming back. Since we're relaxing
At least America wasn't on top of him on the floor and crying? Come now, gotta keep some gay away from here. Save that scene for later If by awkward Germany stops playing with America's hair, then yes, he'll kind of realize that he can't just sit there and cling to Germany forever, that he needs to... let go eventually.
This is what happens when you come out of the closet.
That's probably what it means, sorry bestie. He's trying. Really, he is.
Ahh he gets a B for effort, at least. America pulls away slowly and discreetly removes his glasses and rubs at his eyes. Because he's tired. Not dealing with residual fears and whatever from the event. And he'll distract himself by cleaning off his glasses, too. With his shirt.
At least he looks less like a kicked puppy and more like.. a confused one. Yeah.
Poor America, having to move away from Germany and everything. Germany watches him cleaning his glasses because I guess that's what there is to do right now.
Yes, poor him. Poor hero. It kind of irritated him that there's silence, but that's only because he can think when its quiet. He prefers loud and noisy and everything so he didn't have to think about things.
Specifically the event.
Specifically everything.
"...Heh." He's so... restless. Agitated. He wants to punch things and scream and yet he wants to be left alone. Emotions are really confusing for him; especially since he's used to the conflicting desires of his people. He wants to go punch the Major or shake England or yell at Germany, but...
He puts his glasses back on and stands up, giving an idle tug to his shirt. At least he learned how to tsun from the best of them, though he's nowhere near as good at it as England was. And that was his life.
"I won't keep you any longer." America can play the terse game, too.
America had asked him to stay, and now he wanted him to leave. He didn't really understand, but he stood up anyway. His silence wasn't that he didn't want to talk to America, but that he respected America's ability to have his own silence. Germany rarely talked about himself, and it seemed highly hypocritical to ask other people to talk about themselves, or pry into their personal details. Those were their things, and not his business. And in any case, it was his fault America had been locked in a closet so...
America's request for him to stay and seemed all the more strange, really, because of that, but now America was really changing his view on that. "If you want me to go..."
America almost answers but he doesn't. Funny, because, even he didn't know what he wants. He hates talking about himself in that way; there are people in his house who love to feed off his imperfections, who dwell on them, and he's used to focusing on being perfect, the 'ideal nation', and the hero. Ignore the doubt, the insecurities, because heroes didn't have those.
He knows a lot of the other countries didn't like him because his pride got in the way. Made things complicated.
"N-No, it's.."
He runs a hand through his hair. Frustrated. Everything is so.. annoying.
He heads for the door.
Well that wasn't confusing at all - saying no but heading for the door. Right. But he has to ask because what, even, bestie? "It's what?"
"I need to find a room."
Let's try changing the topic entirely!
"...Oh. Alright."
Chance to escape = yesssss. America might actually kind of feel bad if he wasn't trying to avoid punching Germany in the face. Yay it's the hallway, and holy crap what even. Why do the rooms go up this high?
Because they can, obviously. Unfortunately there is only one door to this room, which means Germany gets to follow shortly thereafter. Hope you enjoy company.
The purpose of avoiding someone fails so hardcore when the person is following you. America kind of looks down both hallways like he's trying to cross the street but.. takes no initiative to head down a way. Thoughtful pensive face.
"I'll, um, go back now." Germany totally passed the class on reading the situation.
There is hesitancy. He glances at Germany briefly, kind of makes this lame attempt at a smile, before he glances away.
"....sure." Most unconvincing ever.
Yeah, that one isn't hard to see. I mean, America smiles so often it's easier to tell when it's fake. "...Unless you need something else?" Bestie why can't you be straight forward? (Pot. Kettle.)
"....no." Good thing he also sucks at lying, too. He sighs, pats his pockets. Of course. He doesn't have his cigs on him.
At least he doesn't outwardly cry all the time like Italy does?
"...I mean.. I don't... know."
"I can see that."
Wait. No. Shit. Take it back. He didn't mean to say that outloud.
Germany gets a sharp look for that little slip, one he didn't mean to make. Usually, he expects sarcasm from England but... from Germany?
And what hurts the most is that it's true.
"...shut up. You weren't the one who-"
No. He isn't falling for this. He's not in the mood. His fists clench at his sides and tighten briefly. God he hates everything, and the fact that he's letting Germany get to him is horrible, in his own mind.
So much easier to focus on how much the former empire pissed him off yesterday.
"You're right," he's still, like, mentally willing the comment to disappear again but that's not really working out so well. America is just being so - so hard to deal with. He wants to help him but he doesn't know if it's better to stay or go.
"Stop that." This isn't helping. But the fact that he's not actually leaving means he might want this; to yell and scream and be heard. Because he always has an opinion and he always has to speak his mind, even if he doesn't want to.
He's such a masochist.
He opens his mouth to apologize for apologizing but that was stupid, so he just stops. He'll just wait, to see what America decides. It's alright, he doesn't really have plans.
The silence almost feels condenscending, but that's because, again, he sucks at playing the victim.
He checks his pockets again for cigarettes he knows he doesn't have but it's something to do. Again with the quiet.
"Don't agree with me on this."
Germany would give him cigarettes if he had any, but he doesn't really smoke anymore at all, so.
He nods back towards the room they just came out of, "On that?"
"Yes. On that." He doesn't want to be snippy at Germany but he is, because he can't be mad at the mansion. Though punching a wall sounds lovely right then, as it'd be an action of releasing aggression.
It'd probably make Germany run away, too. He looks at his hand as he clenches it and unclenches it, debating.
"It was nothing. Stop trying to make it like it's not."
Sorry I'm so confusing bestie, can we go back to hugging yet?
"America, I locked you in a closet for the better part of twenty-four hours," he doesn't sound aggressive at all, mostly because he can tell America wants to fight about this.
Germany kind of wishes they were back to the hugging and the cuddling and what even.
"Don't say it like you had a choice!" This would be so much easier if he just... was direct about how he's feeling. But he's not. He's sulking and brooding and.. oh hell he's just going to start walking.
When he goes, Germany just lets him, without saying anything. It's okay bestie, I'll be around if you need me.
Eventually he will realize he's going the wrong way, but whatever. Maybe he'll find something to punch or scream at this way.