[Orig '12] Wish 02-03
More of this, while I have a moment. To be honest, Wish is very hard to summarize which is why you get a blurb about whatever character is next on the chopping block. My icons are character pics I drew in 2004.
Summary: All Sabél Najya wants is to inherit the Diamond Flake Estate and grow orchards of Xakkiya's Devotion. One fateful day, he ( Read more... )
Summary: All Sabél Najya wants is to inherit the Diamond Flake Estate and grow orchards of Xakkiya's Devotion. One fateful day, he ( Read more... )
I feel so bad for Micah because people use his ignorance for a reason to label him other and just didn't take the time to learn about him at all. The priestess, whom I am guessing is the one who shoved him should be cursed or something at the very least.
I hope Sabel takes his mother's words with a dose of salt.
Now enough of my rambling. Constructively I am a bit disappointed by the point of view changes. Disappointed actually may not be the right word but personally for me the shifts in perspectives needed to either be longer, restricted to two or less or maybe even have their own chapters. The reason being that in my head I was still pondering the ramifications of one point of view as I ran directly into another issue in the story. Though to give credit where it is due for this chapter the transitions were well done and surprisingly smooth. They fit cohertly and logically together. This is shaping up well and the descriptions are still lovely.
(If I overstepped any boundaries just let me know this was just my personal feelings on it.)
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*laughs* Never heard it put that way before. But yeah, LyAnne seems to inspire that feeling in everyone. Usually, I write about good, kind, understanding mother figures, but a neurotic one is . . . interesting. That 'priestess' was just LyAnne performing the 'Thank You Rites'. She's . . . she's - yeah. I have no excuse for her. More about Sabel and Xakkiya to be revealed and all that. It's kind of complicated. And Micah, well, I tend to torture those I like the most. Poor kid.
Constructively, you're saying to break up chapters to be a bit smaller and limit perspective changes to two if there must be more than one, right? Okay, that's doable. Chapters are relatively new to this story and I was just going by word count and related content. But if you're saying I'm putting the breaks in the wrong spot and it's screwing with coherency and cohesiveness, then that's definitely something to look at.
(Don't worry about overstepping bounds; I really appreciate this comment. You pointed out a possible flaw in the design, and you gave your reasons for that opinion - to me, that is the right way to do a critique. So. Thank you!)
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