(no subject)
she's a brick
and i'm drowning slowly..
So today was really awful. Firstly, the bus driver got lost and went the wrong way. And then got lost trying to find the right way. So I was half an hour late for work. So, provincial buses, you owe me three quid.
Then. An argument. You know, arguments bother me a lot. I remember when I was young enough to still be walked to primary school, and occasionally the morning conversation would turn to an argument. And I would storm through the school gates angry and upset, and then instantly wish I hadn't. The black cloud of an argument would hang over me all day, and I would sit at the window, wondering where my mum was, if she was okay, and feeling sorry. I used to get that horrible stomach ache in the pit of my gut, of dread and regret, and want to run out of the school gates and find my mum at home and say I'm sorry and make things right.
Not even buying some ladybird imitation Converse at Woolworth's made it better. These shoes are exactly like Chucks, stitching and all, but with red sides, a green tongue, and turquoise trimming. Like the best Chucks you've ever seen, but for £3.50! That's right! £3.50!
But still the black cloud.
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A letter
"
To You,
I know that life is tougher for you than most. I know that you find it harder than most to catch with capable hands the everyday heartbreaks that life offers up. But what I will say is this, it works both ways, my closest confidante. There will be nights when you find it hard to breathe because of a comment that many would brush off as hearsay. There will be mornings you can barely drag yourself from your bed because of a broken friendship when many would have moved on; an adultery when often people can shrug it off. But try and be thankful that you have the mental and emotional capacity to consider things so thoroughly and sensitively. Whilst you have an inability to let things pass without over analysation, you also have the inability to walk past a puddle without noticing that ray of sunlight hidden inside it, you find it impossible to not appreciate the beauty of a summer breeze or the smell after the rain has fallen. And one day, one day, there will be days when you can't bear to stay in bed because the sky is so beautiful, and it will be impossible to breathe because you can't concentrate on all the tiny factors that make life so overwhelming. So, consider it not a burden, but a hidden talent my friend.
"
heaven's not a place that you go when you die, it's that moment in life when you actually feel alive - so live for the moment and take my advice live by every word, love's completely real so forget anything that you ever heard, and live for the moment now...
- The Spill Canvas