(no subject)
there is a boy that i care about way too much for my own good.
i don't know why he even matters to me, and what it is that makes me so sad that we're not friends.
...even though he claims we are.
well, let me tell you something, friendship is not constantly putting down someone, and making them miserable everytime they are near you.
friendship is not avoiding them in situations, barely acknowledging the person when they address you, and making a derogatory comment in such a way where you can easily brush it off as "not meaning to sound like that".
i keep feeling like shit everytime i hang out with him,
but it's not like i have a choice. my friends are his friends.
so i tried not talking to him for a while,
but that just ends up hurting, because i see how he is with everyone else and i miss that!
i considered him one of my closest friends, and he was there for me during one of the best and hardest times of my life,
and then all of a sudden he has this new idea of me and everything is ruined.
and i hate that i cry over it, because normally i could care less about whether or not i lose a friend.
but this one meant so much to me, and because i've lost him based on misconstrued facts and his new image of me that's only there BECAUSE of the untruths, it hurts even more.
i just wanna shake some sense into him and...
ugh. i don't know.
i guess i just have to realize, he sees me as he wants to see me,
and he obviously doesn't want that friendship we had before.
and i just have to accept that,
as hard as it may be.
i don't know why he even matters to me, and what it is that makes me so sad that we're not friends.
...even though he claims we are.
well, let me tell you something, friendship is not constantly putting down someone, and making them miserable everytime they are near you.
friendship is not avoiding them in situations, barely acknowledging the person when they address you, and making a derogatory comment in such a way where you can easily brush it off as "not meaning to sound like that".
i keep feeling like shit everytime i hang out with him,
but it's not like i have a choice. my friends are his friends.
so i tried not talking to him for a while,
but that just ends up hurting, because i see how he is with everyone else and i miss that!
i considered him one of my closest friends, and he was there for me during one of the best and hardest times of my life,
and then all of a sudden he has this new idea of me and everything is ruined.
and i hate that i cry over it, because normally i could care less about whether or not i lose a friend.
but this one meant so much to me, and because i've lost him based on misconstrued facts and his new image of me that's only there BECAUSE of the untruths, it hurts even more.
i just wanna shake some sense into him and...
ugh. i don't know.
i guess i just have to realize, he sees me as he wants to see me,
and he obviously doesn't want that friendship we had before.
and i just have to accept that,
as hard as it may be.