Online Dating Profiles. Ur Doin It Wrong.
The dating sites keep sending these to entice me to re-sign. I keep saving them in a draft email because if anything they tell me to keep my money in my pocket!
Smart, witty, sarcastic....And that is just the beginning.
I am the social butterfly of the group, I am known as the guy with the game show host charisma and entertain my friends with humor and conversation...
Such humility! I... I'm floored! Game show host charisma?! Is dating you like winning a Braaaand... Neeeew... Caaaar!? Take me now!!
Is your search at an end???
Although I'm not used to talking about myself, I'm going to divulge information about myself as the perspectives see fit to want to know.
First off, Personality: I am told to be a well mannered, very caring person who treats women with the respect they deserve, I have a somewhat silly sense of humor which is mostly utilized when I am interacting with Children. but at the same time I know at one point or another when to "Can it". I am mostly outgoing (whenever possible) but sometimes have this unairing capacity to remain silent. I take moderate pleasure in working. Sometimes, I will get my mind off something that is bothering me by throwing myself to my job or other duties I perform. I am NOT IN ANY WAY quick to anger but in fact as compassionate and understanding as a Saint. There are most situations I would prefer to resolve by "talking down" rather than "beating up". But hey, what fun would I be if I totally "blew myself out of the water" :-)
My match is someone who is a kind caring woman, a woman who knows what she wants from life and is not afraid to go after it.
Trust & Honesty are certain MUSTS in any type of relationship.
I feel like I just read a resume. "Divulge information"? I think the best part of this one is that he is "understanding as a Saint". Dude, you cannot tell people you are like a saint. Seriously. Who the hell says that? I am not holy enough to date a saint. Delorted!
Just In
A WELL ROUNDED WOMAN ONE THAT PREFERABLY CAN WORK , COOK, CLEAN AND SOMEONE WHO IS A LITTLE OLD- FASHIONED RAISED WITH THOSE TYPES OF MORALS. I ALSO LIKE A BUSINESS WOMAN ONLY IF SHE UNDERSTANDS THAT HER FAMILY COMES FIRST NOT HER JOB. I THINK ITS VERY, VERY IMPORTANT TO A RELATIONSHIP ESPECIALLY IF YOU HAVE CHILDREN. A SIMPLE THING LIKE EATING TOGETHER IS SO IMPORTANT. AS FOR ME, I'M A VERY NEEDY PERSON. I LOVE IT WHEN MY MATE IS SO CALLED" ATTACHED AT THE HIP". I BELIEVE IN SHOWING EACH OTHER HOW MUCH YOU YOUR PARTNER. NOT JUST IN THE BEDROOM BUT ALSO THE LITTLE THINGS LIKE LOOKING AT THAT PERSON WITH THAT SPECIAL GLITTER IN THEIR EYES. THE LOOK THAT SAYS " I LOVE YOU". YOU KNOW THAT SPECIAL SPARKLE. HOLDING HANDS IN PUBLIC IS GREAT. I DEMAND A LOT OF RESPECT . I WANT TO FEEL LIKE I'M WITH AN ADULT NOT A CHILD. WITH THAT BEING SAID , I'M TRULY THAT PERFECT GUY THAT EVERY WOMAN LOOKS FOR. SO, YOU ASK YOURSELF, WHY ARE YOU SINGLE? LOOK AT MY PROFILE AND YOU'LL SURELY UNDERSTAND, ONE LAST THING, MY ONE DOWNFALL IS THAT I'M JUST TOO PICKY.
... Must you scream at me? Seriously. Who the hell has not learned that all-caps = all-shouting? I mean, I guess I could understand it in 1995, but now? Turn it down, Chewbacca, you're makin' my ears bleed (thank you Dane Cook). This guy right here is comic gold, however, once you get past the yelling. First, he wants June Cleaver as his wife. "Cook mah dinnah! Iron mah shirts! You c'n have a job, but you WILL be home in time to cook things!" ... He's... a NEEDY person. Who says that?! How on earth does a person think that in a paragraph that is supposed to attract mates they ought to say they are needy? But the comedy just keeps going. He'd like us to know he's the perfect guy that everyone woman wants. So far he sounds like a misogynist asshat, to tell you the truth. Maybe I'm just a lesbian. That must be the problem. I'm a lesbian man-hater who hasn't gotten quality cock, so doesn't know how to appreciate a Real Man.
looking for love
i am a middle aged man ,in good shape i enjoy working out ,traveling at least twice a year, intimate relatioships, will try just about anything and am open to most things. liketo have fun, would love to meet my soul mate, best friend and spend the rest of our lives enjoying our friends families,and most importantly each other. i am a good listener and enjoy good conversation. i enjoy pretty woman who are just as beautiful inside as out. I like a woman who likes to take part in the decisions that we would be making . who shares her input , opens her self up fully, likes to cook enjoys romace and can also be romantic and do romantic things for her man. isn't to hooked up on how much money a man makes and is willing to share the financial responsibilities that come in this day and age. loves tropical island get aways, while relaxing in the sun afternoon naps geting naked,being playful, spontaneous, funny, fun,must enjoy sex, be honest , open. a reationship built on friendship, loaylty , love, trust, fun, adventure, cuddling, huging ,kissing, kindness to each other , willing to work out our differences by talking about them , accepting me for who i am and me accepting you for who you are, open communication between us. knowing men are from mars and women from venus. loves her body dresses sexy but not to sexy because you respect yourself and your body.
I... where the hell do I begin with this one? I have no words besides these two: SPELL CHECK! Run-on sentences are not your friends. How sexy is "to sexy"? Is this "to sexy"?
Because I think lucite heels really do have their place in society, and you should not be intimidated by my wild sexiness. Rawr, pal. Rawr. Stop trying to hold me back, pal! You are just scared of my silicone titties, my lipo'd thighs, and my designer vagina!
Scholarly, intellectual, sensual, considerate, interesting, individualistic, handsome, muscular
....
Please drive through. That headline was so filled with narcissism that it pushed me out of my apartment. There wasn't room for me after the ego burst forth from the screen. Literally. And that was just the HEADLINE.
Does it really matter which came first, the chicken or the egg, as long as they both come?
I'm a nice guy, but not too nice. I'm looking for a woman who appreciates that. Any woman I date has to be able to cook. Or order in. Or order at a restaurant. She should know how to clean, or hire a cleaning woman, or guilt me into cleaning. She must be flexible, not legs behind the head flexible, but at least touching the toes with the legs straight. I like brunettes, blondes, and black haired ladies, but please no redheads, they are the Devil's spawn and would just as soon end you in your sleep as look at you if you cross them.
This guy sounds kind of like he wants a Domme. Am I reading too much into that? It just... "guilt me into cleaning"? I have a great idea! How about he just be an adult and clean without being told!? "Touching the toes with the legs straight"? WTF? That is a visual NONE of us needed. This profile is a hot mess, like Paris Hilton all sloppy drunk and making out with some random ugly man. It's revolting, but at the same time, you just can't look away.
Smart, witty, sarcastic....And that is just the beginning.
I am the social butterfly of the group, I am known as the guy with the game show host charisma and entertain my friends with humor and conversation...
Such humility! I... I'm floored! Game show host charisma?! Is dating you like winning a Braaaand... Neeeew... Caaaar!? Take me now!!
Is your search at an end???
Although I'm not used to talking about myself, I'm going to divulge information about myself as the perspectives see fit to want to know.
First off, Personality: I am told to be a well mannered, very caring person who treats women with the respect they deserve, I have a somewhat silly sense of humor which is mostly utilized when I am interacting with Children. but at the same time I know at one point or another when to "Can it". I am mostly outgoing (whenever possible) but sometimes have this unairing capacity to remain silent. I take moderate pleasure in working. Sometimes, I will get my mind off something that is bothering me by throwing myself to my job or other duties I perform. I am NOT IN ANY WAY quick to anger but in fact as compassionate and understanding as a Saint. There are most situations I would prefer to resolve by "talking down" rather than "beating up". But hey, what fun would I be if I totally "blew myself out of the water" :-)
My match is someone who is a kind caring woman, a woman who knows what she wants from life and is not afraid to go after it.
Trust & Honesty are certain MUSTS in any type of relationship.
I feel like I just read a resume. "Divulge information"? I think the best part of this one is that he is "understanding as a Saint". Dude, you cannot tell people you are like a saint. Seriously. Who the hell says that? I am not holy enough to date a saint. Delorted!
Just In
A WELL ROUNDED WOMAN ONE THAT PREFERABLY CAN WORK , COOK, CLEAN AND SOMEONE WHO IS A LITTLE OLD- FASHIONED RAISED WITH THOSE TYPES OF MORALS. I ALSO LIKE A BUSINESS WOMAN ONLY IF SHE UNDERSTANDS THAT HER FAMILY COMES FIRST NOT HER JOB. I THINK ITS VERY, VERY IMPORTANT TO A RELATIONSHIP ESPECIALLY IF YOU HAVE CHILDREN. A SIMPLE THING LIKE EATING TOGETHER IS SO IMPORTANT. AS FOR ME, I'M A VERY NEEDY PERSON. I LOVE IT WHEN MY MATE IS SO CALLED" ATTACHED AT THE HIP". I BELIEVE IN SHOWING EACH OTHER HOW MUCH YOU YOUR PARTNER. NOT JUST IN THE BEDROOM BUT ALSO THE LITTLE THINGS LIKE LOOKING AT THAT PERSON WITH THAT SPECIAL GLITTER IN THEIR EYES. THE LOOK THAT SAYS " I LOVE YOU". YOU KNOW THAT SPECIAL SPARKLE. HOLDING HANDS IN PUBLIC IS GREAT. I DEMAND A LOT OF RESPECT . I WANT TO FEEL LIKE I'M WITH AN ADULT NOT A CHILD. WITH THAT BEING SAID , I'M TRULY THAT PERFECT GUY THAT EVERY WOMAN LOOKS FOR. SO, YOU ASK YOURSELF, WHY ARE YOU SINGLE? LOOK AT MY PROFILE AND YOU'LL SURELY UNDERSTAND, ONE LAST THING, MY ONE DOWNFALL IS THAT I'M JUST TOO PICKY.
... Must you scream at me? Seriously. Who the hell has not learned that all-caps = all-shouting? I mean, I guess I could understand it in 1995, but now? Turn it down, Chewbacca, you're makin' my ears bleed (thank you Dane Cook). This guy right here is comic gold, however, once you get past the yelling. First, he wants June Cleaver as his wife. "Cook mah dinnah! Iron mah shirts! You c'n have a job, but you WILL be home in time to cook things!" ... He's... a NEEDY person. Who says that?! How on earth does a person think that in a paragraph that is supposed to attract mates they ought to say they are needy? But the comedy just keeps going. He'd like us to know he's the perfect guy that everyone woman wants. So far he sounds like a misogynist asshat, to tell you the truth. Maybe I'm just a lesbian. That must be the problem. I'm a lesbian man-hater who hasn't gotten quality cock, so doesn't know how to appreciate a Real Man.
looking for love
i am a middle aged man ,in good shape i enjoy working out ,traveling at least twice a year, intimate relatioships, will try just about anything and am open to most things. liketo have fun, would love to meet my soul mate, best friend and spend the rest of our lives enjoying our friends families,and most importantly each other. i am a good listener and enjoy good conversation. i enjoy pretty woman who are just as beautiful inside as out. I like a woman who likes to take part in the decisions that we would be making . who shares her input , opens her self up fully, likes to cook enjoys romace and can also be romantic and do romantic things for her man. isn't to hooked up on how much money a man makes and is willing to share the financial responsibilities that come in this day and age. loves tropical island get aways, while relaxing in the sun afternoon naps geting naked,being playful, spontaneous, funny, fun,must enjoy sex, be honest , open. a reationship built on friendship, loaylty , love, trust, fun, adventure, cuddling, huging ,kissing, kindness to each other , willing to work out our differences by talking about them , accepting me for who i am and me accepting you for who you are, open communication between us. knowing men are from mars and women from venus. loves her body dresses sexy but not to sexy because you respect yourself and your body.
I... where the hell do I begin with this one? I have no words besides these two: SPELL CHECK! Run-on sentences are not your friends. How sexy is "to sexy"? Is this "to sexy"?
Because I think lucite heels really do have their place in society, and you should not be intimidated by my wild sexiness. Rawr, pal. Rawr. Stop trying to hold me back, pal! You are just scared of my silicone titties, my lipo'd thighs, and my designer vagina!
Scholarly, intellectual, sensual, considerate, interesting, individualistic, handsome, muscular
....
Please drive through. That headline was so filled with narcissism that it pushed me out of my apartment. There wasn't room for me after the ego burst forth from the screen. Literally. And that was just the HEADLINE.
Does it really matter which came first, the chicken or the egg, as long as they both come?
I'm a nice guy, but not too nice. I'm looking for a woman who appreciates that. Any woman I date has to be able to cook. Or order in. Or order at a restaurant. She should know how to clean, or hire a cleaning woman, or guilt me into cleaning. She must be flexible, not legs behind the head flexible, but at least touching the toes with the legs straight. I like brunettes, blondes, and black haired ladies, but please no redheads, they are the Devil's spawn and would just as soon end you in your sleep as look at you if you cross them.
This guy sounds kind of like he wants a Domme. Am I reading too much into that? It just... "guilt me into cleaning"? I have a great idea! How about he just be an adult and clean without being told!? "Touching the toes with the legs straight"? WTF? That is a visual NONE of us needed. This profile is a hot mess, like Paris Hilton all sloppy drunk and making out with some random ugly man. It's revolting, but at the same time, you just can't look away.