Challenging Conventions
I did a little experiment.
See, it all started with these really sexy Kenneth Cole peep-toe pumps. They are a normal width, and a normal length. They fit perfectly. I love them. It's the first time in a very LONG time that I've been able to wear normal width shoes, let alone normal width sexy shoes. When I put them on, it was like a jolt of raw sexiness right up my legs. So it got me to thinking.
I'm still not skinny. But I have some good curve goin' on, and with these hot shoes, I built an outfit that I thought was hot. I did my makeup, and I went out to run some errands. Nothing fancy, just simple errands. The thing was, I decided that I was going to project a new attitude on that particular day.
So. I did. I filled up every sense with what I imagined sexiness would feel like. I slid out of my car and walked into the store in an understated way -- I wasn't sashaying like it was a catwalk, you know? But I walked like I was confident, smiled at everyone I saw, and generally just projected this sense that I thought I was supremely hot.
Boy did I get a reaction.
Everywhere I went, the checking-out commenced. Believe me... I'd still call myself morbidly obese. But 80-something pounds or whatever it's been (been a long time since I got weighed) makes a huge (pun intended) difference. Suddenly, handsome gentlemen were smiling and holding doors for me. Other women were commenting, "ohhh, great shoes!"
Some young man at the counter in CVS flirted with me. Yes. Flirted. He did. As well he should have! *sly grin*
It wasn't an experiment I could keep up forever. It lasted a day. But it told me that a lot of how the world reacts to me has to do with how I project myself and how I "tell" them that I see myself. The day that I "said" I was hot... I became hot. So I'm really challenging my own notions of the social conventions governing what is sexy. It was an interesting roleplay, and very revealing to me. I hope to incorporate some of that roleplayed confidence into the real me, you know? Someone really wise once told me that he thought everyone had a certain amount of dysmorphia, and I have to agree. I don't think that the basketball-like person I see in the mirror is really necessarily what the rest of the world sees.
Anyway, that's the news of my experiment. Have any of you guys tried out something similar?