Man, it'd been a long day. Seemed like the closer they got to R & R, the more they were gonna need it. Leonard had spent most of his day in Sickbay preparing for this 'vacation'. Since they were finally getting resupplied, might as well have a thorough shopping list. So he had his staff tearing apart the Sickbay they'd so painstakingly put back together again.
And of course, there was still the matter of dealing with Borad and Carmichael on those Spores. But he was far beyond tired of that old record.
So, long day over and Leonard felt he deserved a reward for only hypoing five people, calling three others idiots, and threatening two with terribly invasive physicals if they didn't do his bidding. He was going soft in his old age. After a long, hot shower -- with real water, damnit -- he kicked back with some of the whiskey Scotty had left behind.
Imagine how awkward it was when Jim came charging in like Rand had just jumped him with a hoverlift of paperwork. Leonard sitting on his couch, glass in hand, wearing only a towel and waterdrops. And a dumbass look on his face.
"... Eh, Jim? 'M always here when ya gotta gripe in mind. But the Rec is acoupla floors below." Least he hoped Jim wasn't fixing to work out his frustrations here.
Of course Kirk wasn't about to take that all that easily.
Well. He could have been worse. He could've opened up and let loose the string of curses he had for Bones, paying him back for all the scolding's he'd gotten over the years for being foolish -- for doing this, for doing that. Kirk instead, walked right over - obviously not caring that Bones was there, wet from a shower - and took the glass of whiskey from Bones' hand.
"You," Kirk started, and knocked back the rest of it, slamming it down rather forcefully on the table in front of him. "Are an asshole." Oh yes. He was getting going now, finally.
"I haven't seen you outside of official meetings, and that whole spore crap in over a week. This is off the record, but -- Dammit, Bones!" He felt oddly like the tables were turned. "What the hell is wrong with you? Getting in fights in Sickbay? Alright, fuck it, I would have done the same, but you're better than I am about that shit. Hippocratic oath, do no harm or something, remember that? Also, the HELL is wrong with you and Spock? You've BOTH been avoiding the bridge and sickbay respectively like the plague, you've been acting weird, and on top of that..."
Kirk held up the empty glass.
"You're fucking drinking again. So explain yourself, Bones, cause I'm about this close to punching you in the face if you don't give me a god damned explanation for your behavior lately."
"Whu? Me?? Hey! I wus savin' that fer reminiscin'!" Leonard protested, then fell quiet with a slight jump. Jim had slammed that glass so hard, the tiny coffee table shook. What the hell had crawled up the man's blond butt to die a twitchy death?
Oh.... that.
Bones listened to the litany of charges, doing two kinds of turtling. Christ almighty, he needed some clothes now. Some ancient instinct almost had him literally covering his balls. "... Jus fer clarity's sake, the actual Oath doesn't say that anywhere," he tried lamely. Was sure Jim seriously contemplated that threat. Holy shit, just when did Life swap their scripts? "Awright, awright! Jus hold yer damn horses an' I'll explain whut I can. But I ain't doin' it practically nekkid!" With a huff, Bones was up and stomping into his bedroom. So much for that relaxing evening.
"Don't care. You're the one who asked me to make you quit wallowing in your own misery and keep you from becoming a drunken mess. Once in a while? Sure. But it's stupid to drink alone. An' you know that." Kirk narrowed his eyes when Bones stood from his seat, covering himself with the towel.
Kirk nearly said something to the effect that he's seen the guy naked before -- they'd been sleeping in each other's rooms at the academy, Kirk had even fallen asleep entirely naked on the other guy's couch at some point during one summer night. They had never really been too modest. But things seemed different now, and with a disgruntled huff, Kirk sank down in on McCoy's couch.
He felt better now, sure, but he was still livid. And he wasn't about to let all of this go so easily.
Jim wasn't the only one to notice that things were... a bit off. It didn't hit Leonard immediately. No, he was too worried about other things hitting first. But now that he was in his room, raiding his drawers for some flannels, it occurred to him how odd it was that he felt uncomfortable in a towel. When they'd been party to each other's nudity on a level that could have qualified them for domestic partner benefits. Bones paused to consider if this was a result of that one night they had together. Or... the several other nights he'd had since then.
Well, as he'd been told recently by someone dear and fuzzy, there were times where philosophizing wouldn't get you anywhere. Besides, Jim just might storm into the bedroom of Bones took much longer. As he threw on some pants, socks and a shirt, he contemplated just where to begin with Kirk Inquisition. What he was gonna tell the man who was his best friend. Tried not acknowledging the fact that best friends usually don't choose what details to leave out. Once he'd shored enough fortitude, he stepped back into the sitting area. Observed his seething friend quietly for a moment.
"Yer right, of course," Bones started out softly. "Isn't good ta drink by myself like a miserable ol' bogfrog. An' I thank ya, Jim, fer keepin' yer promise. But that wasn't drinkin', really. I was jus unwindin' after anuther hellacious day of workin' with assholes an' high expectations. Jus one glass, an' I didn't even get a chance ta drink much of it. So if yer gonna go off on me, dun make it 'bout the hooch." At least not until the man got wind of the drinking he'd been doing with Scotty lately. And Tony.
Kirk sat, still somewhat draped over Bones' couch, sprawled out rather comfortably, considering. His posture rarely had to be authoritative with Bones, and he had never felt uncomfortable. All things considering, however, his arms were crossed stiffly over his chest, blue eyes tilting up at Bones whenever he came right back into the room.
"Not mad about the drinking, Bones. I'm just telling you why I did it. And..." Kirk shrugged, giving somewhat of a smirk. "I'm not the best one to tell you no. I fully admit to getting drunk at least once on this ship, and maybe I just needed a drink myself." He shrugged again, tilting his head to the side.
"We wouldn't have had to call in for back-up if things had gone as smoothly as we hoped they would. The medical relief help will be there just until we reach the Starbase, and then they're gone." Thank fucking god, might have been heard, whispered under Kirk's breath.
"Anyway. Go on." Kirk glanced up at him again, expecting more answers.
Yep, that was Jim for ya. Just wanting it all, right there on the spot. In this case, it was for Bones to spill his entire fucking guts. But damn, where to begin? And doing it completely sober? Like hell.
"I've a feelin' there're gonna be days where bein' drunk on this ship will be necessary," he sighed as he fetched the rest of that bottle. He was gonna need to find a replacement bottle for Scotty. Brought another glass on over to Jim and pointed poured them both one. There wasn't much left anyway, so the man could just deal. Bones treated himself to a slow, relishing swallow before he continued.
"An' yeah, I'm countin' the hours 'til we reach starbase. But ya read the report, Jim. An' I'm sure ya've heard from... Pike." He'd almost slipped and called the man Chris. Still wasn't sure how, or if, he was ever gonna have that talk with Jim. "Whut more do I need ta tell ya 'bout the whole Sickbay Shakedown?" Because yes, scuttlebutt had given it an official name by now. "Since first steppin' foot in the Bay, those assholes have been condescending, harassing, an' prejudiced. I ain't excusing my behavior at all. But goddamnit Jim, I'm a Human being, not a Vulcan." Internal wince at that slip. Best to steer away from that topic. "I cudda lived with the slander an' abuse longer, if it'd jus been aimed at me. But they went fer mah nurses. They went after Scotty. Jim, they descended on Sky like a pack of wolves." The look on Bones' face was clear. You don't mess with Sky. End of transmission.
"I can agree with you on that," Kirk nodded. "Just don't wanna see you back in the shape you were in three years ago. Blame it on wanting to see you in just as good as you are now." Kirk shrugged, not quite dismissing the drink, taking the now half-full glass in his hand and stared down into the amber brown liquor.
"Is this Scotty's stuff?" He wrinkled his nose at the strength. "Don't usually drink Scotch, do you?"
Not that he lingered much on that. "I read the report. And I understand, trust me, I do." Kirk paused before looking up. "I'm not blaming you for what you did. I would've done the same, hell, I know I would have. But you're...supposed to be more...I don't know. It just disappointed me. It's stupid, really - glad you did it, not glad we get to suffer through the consequences of beating up the guys that were supposed to come with us and help us out of this mess. It won't last for much longer, but we're gonna have to get to this point where we have to suck up to the Admiralty and make them think we're better than that. It's stupid -- hell, I know it is, but..." Kirk shrugged. "I'm sorry. We've got some time off now, though? Some time to actually breathe." He sounded relieved, taking another sip of the scotch and leaning back into the couch again.
"No more about the 'Sickbay Showdown'. Now you just gotta tell me why both you and the Commander are avoiding me like the plague, and avoiding each other too. Care to elaborate?"
With a sigh, Bones deflated some at Jim's honest sentiment. While he'd say he was doing better than when he first stepped off that shuttle and into this friendship.... there was no real cure for Alcoholism even in this day and age. Not when it was used as a coping mechanism for shit like what he'd been through in only a week and a half. He took another drink -- because bad idea or not, he still needed the cope for this -- and then came around to collapse down next to Jim on the couch.
"I know, Jim," he said very quietly. He answered the next question with first just a nod, then a snort. "I'll drink whatever gets me there fastest, if that's my aim. But I like a fine Scotch." And the fine man that comes with it. "An' I like it hard 'nuff ta stun a horse. Saurian brandy ain't fer the decorative bottle." Bones kicked back another swallow, just as slow. Listened to Jim go on, leaning back into the couch. Sighed at the eventual topic detour, but decided that no, the Showdown discussion wasn't really over. And not just because he was avoiding all mention of Spock like a case of highly communicable Tarkellian hand herpes.
"Jim...," he set his glass down, turned some towards the man. "There's readin' the report, an' knowin' exactly what went on. Those fuckers blamed me fer the quarantine fiasco, questioned my competence, and even made derogatory comments 'bout bein' a Southerner. In this damn day an' age. An' when they found out that I'd been Spored, they said that I was compromising the research an' having unhealthy relations with the crew. Borad had the gall to divulge patient information publicly. How d'ya think I feel, havin' so many know 'bout that? That I'm effectively a goddamn Bacchun? Ignorin' my general agreement on how things were handled, that's just low by any count. An' this went on fer days before all hell broke loose. I'm sorry I disappointed ya. I've disappointed myself. But it was all so... personal. I hadn't been expectin' that, I guess. It's one thing t'take it from Jocelyn. But Starfleet Medical? On our first goddamn mission?
"An' I'm not avoidin' ya, Jim. I've been in Sickbay nearly every damn moment I've been awake since Bacchus. An' when I'm not... well, I've been doin' what I did after the ex. Feelin' sorry fer myself an' licking mah wounds."
"You can drink as much as you want, Bones," Kirk murmured, staring straight ahead into empty space. He knew just as well as any what it was like to have to turn your life around, to keep from depending on something that would fuck his head up and make him feel better. The captain stared into his glass, knocking the strong liquid around. "Just keep it out of your medbay, and don't drink alone. That's just asking for trouble, Bones."
He chuckled and shrugged. "You and Scotty have an awful lot in common, don't you? I was always partial to Romulan Ale as far as the strong shit goes. Illegal, maybe, but that stuff is something. I never really cared all that much for Scotch -- but it's really not all bad." Kirk glanced over at him thoughtfully before taking another sip, grimacing at the taste.
"I'm sorry, Bones." Kirk frowned and glanced to him, finally, awkwardly setting an arm around his friend. "Like I said before, I don't blame you. I would've done the same damn thing." Kirk chuckled, and leaned back on the sofa. "Don't think there's gonna be too many repercussions for that. It's just. Hearing it from someone else, my Yeoman, Bones -- I didn't even know there was a problem in the first place. If you had told me, I could have had them rerouted, could have...I don't know, intervened, somehow. Starfleet's just keeping a close eye on us. It's -- kind of my fault, being young and inexperienced, and my crew has to suffer the consequences." Kirk folded his hands under his chin, distancing himself a bit more once again.
"If we were planetside," Kirk grinned at him sideways, "I'd say I need to get you out more. But for now - hell, I dunno. Just know that you can still tell me things? Rant. Whatever. If you don't tell anyone anything, you'll end up imploding, or something." Kirk set his hand on Bones' shoulder again. "I'm your captain, or something to that effect, but I was your friend first, right?"
"I haven't brought it in yet, Jim. Those days are definitely gone," Bones sighed, no heat in his words. Just honest acknowledgment for the mistakes he'd made, and conviction to continue avoiding them now. Then he smirked wryly, "An' next time I wanna drink, I'll pest ya with sumthin' other than Scotch. Kid." It was always amusing teasing Jim about his drinking habits. And damn ironic, this unintentionally subtextual conversation about Scotty. Oh, if the man only knew just how common they'd been with each other.
He appreciated the show of comfort, recognizing how awkward it had to be for the man sober. Jim was better with the casual, spontaneous stuff. Well, if you were't wearing tits. Not wanting to embarrass his captain and friend any further, Bones simply tilted his head back, a brief weight on that arm. "Well... truth be told, that was kinda the point, Jim." Now it was Bones' turn to feel awkward. "Actually, neither you nor Pike were supposed'ta know there was a problem. I felt responsible fer the outbreak." Still did, really. "An' fer the Admiral's presence. I wanted ta prove I could fix this myself, an' show Starfleet we were all capable. Certainly didn't want my mistakes fallin' back on ya. I knew how much this mission meant ta ya. So... I kept my mouth shut an' tried dealin' on my own." He stared at his glass a moment, contemplating what'd all been said. "An' no, the scrutiny isn't yer fault. It's Starfleet's problem, because they're a bunch of ungrateful, hypocritical bastards. You've saved our collective bacon. Twice now. Pay no nevermind to those assholes."
At mention of shore leave, Bones snorted and rolled his eyes. Groaned, "Thank god, really. I've been out 'nuff as it is. Wouldn't mind the chance ta crawl in a hole with a bottle." Paused and looked over at Jim. Smirked again. Added, "An' two glasses, this time." He reciprocated the gesture and conveyed his thanks by setting a hand on Jim's forearm.
"Whatever happened to just a good beer?" Kirk chuckled, his head tilting back against the couch, taking Bones' poking fun at his drinking habits in a light manner. "It tastes just fine, doesn't even get you drunk unless you drink three or four of 'em, and you're not compelled to having the worst hangover in your life cause of it. But if you just wanna drink good Scotch, go right ahead. I'll stick with the drink for pisspoor cadets." Kirk nudged Bones in the arm for that comment, laughing softly.
The weight on his arm just relaxed him, slightly, the somewhat show of affection making it seem more like old times, and Jim glanced back over to Bones with a bit of a scowl. "You're telling me it was your fault it got so insane? Bones, seriously. You know yourself better than that. It was a containment breach - it could have been anything, Bones, it wasn't all your fault. You're damn well capable, and you don't think I know that more than anyone else?" Kirk shifted back, just clapped Bones on the shoulder. "Pike knows it too. You saved his damn life, of course you're capable enough to handle it. You're a good CMO, a good doctor, and the fact that they were scrutinizing your medbay just tells me loads about the fact that they don't know shit about quality. I'm not worried about Starfleet command, Bones. They're there to help us, not judge us, and if they've got a problem they can come bitch at me about it. They don't need to be barking orders at you or your nurses." Kirk shook his head, muttering something.
"So you never answered me." Kirk said softly, taking a moment of silence, that arm on his forearm not out of the ordinary. He looked to Bones with raised eyebrows. "Are you going to tell me why you're avoiding Spock, or are you just going to keep it a surprise?"
Bones chuckled at the beer jokes. Felt something loosen in him, something no amount of drinking or shenanigans had managed to knock free for long. That sense of belonging again. He was taking up more roots in the associations he was making amongst the crew. But Jim really did make this hurdling tin can home. "Ya do realize yer not a cadet anymore? Ya can buy the big kids' stuff now." Decided to keep his secret weapon against hangovers -- drugs -- to himself. It required hypos anyway.
What he did do, though, was settle down and listen to what Jim had to say. About the quarantine, Starfleet, being fucking human. Wasn't really all that different from what Sky, Chris or Scotty had been telling him. Guess he should probably start believing and move on finally. A different kind of smile came to his face. This one... grateful, a little humbled. Didn't say anything because he didn't know what else to say beyond that smile. Didn't think he needed to, save for maybe adding a squeeze to Jim's arm.
The man's next question, unfortunately, left him with a different kind of speechlessness.
Damn, Kirk knew just how to sneak one in under the radar. Here Bones thought he'd gotten off the hook. Kinda drained after the previous conversation, not to mention now feeling like he owed him, it was hard to think of a way of dodging the topic again. Probably meant it was time to settle for plain ol' honesty. "Jim... it's not that I dun wanna tell ya," exactly, "or I dun trust ya," not to get a little buggy over this, "but it's horribly personal. An' while ya've seen me utterly pathetic... well, there's Spock ta consider. If I tell ya this, ya've gotta promise me ya won't confront him. No matter what that blond, heroic head of yers thinks." Of either one of them.
"Shut up, Bones." Kirk just laughed out loud, just letting his head hang back over the back of the couch, enjoying the moment of camaraderie between them both. "Course I can buy the big kids' stuff. But I'm gettin' kinda sick of whiskey, and transporting Romulan Ale's illegal. Beers the next best thing. Unless you like your alcohol to burn holes in your throat on the way down." He chuckled, amused as hell, knowing quite well Bones' own taste in alcohol tended to waver along on the strong side. It wasn't Jim's fault he liked a good beer.
After he'd finished preaching to Bones, Kirk just sort of quieted and relished in that humbled smile for a minute, offering him a friendly one of his own. God knew that McCoy needed all the encouragement he could get sometimes. He didn't think the best of himself, and Kirk hated that about him. Bones was a good guy. A good doctor, and it was hard to see one of his closest friends over the years second guessing himself for what seemed like the billionth time. Kirk loosened his hand and just patted Bones' forearm, relaxing back again.
His eyebrows shot up as Bones didn't attempt to dodge the topic again, and a confused look set about making it's way over Kirk's features, an unsettled feeling in his stomach. "Personal, with Spock?" Like hell it could be what he thought it was. It kind of ...couldn't. Not at all. This was weird.
This was really weird.
"Alright, alright." Kirk said finally. "Won't say a word to him."
"I'll pretend ya didn't just say that." Getting tired of whiskey? That was kinda like getting tired of water, as far as Bones was concerned. "You want somethin' else? Have a julep."
Oh, if other topics were as clear cut and full of conviction for him.
While he'd settled into something quiet and peaceful with Jim after talk of the academics, talk about Spock had him starting to squirm again. He fidgeted with his empty glass. Found it so much more absorbing for a moment there. Then sighed at himself for the ridiculous dramatics. This wasn't a Teen Virgin Confessional subspace blog or something equally stupid. Right. "... Right." Looked over awkwardly at Jim until it sunk in just how right that right was right. Could tell when by just how much blue he could see of those ocean blue eyes.
"I... well, that is, we... have sum shared memories from that night of the Spores." And how. Not necessarily well-put together memories. But they were enough to keep him up nights in two kinds of ways. And he still wasn't thrilled about the low lighting outside his quarters.
And of course, there was still the matter of dealing with Borad and Carmichael on those Spores. But he was far beyond tired of that old record.
So, long day over and Leonard felt he deserved a reward for only hypoing five people, calling three others idiots, and threatening two with terribly invasive physicals if they didn't do his bidding. He was going soft in his old age. After a long, hot shower -- with real water, damnit -- he kicked back with some of the whiskey Scotty had left behind.
Imagine how awkward it was when Jim came charging in like Rand had just jumped him with a hoverlift of paperwork. Leonard sitting on his couch, glass in hand, wearing only a towel and waterdrops. And a dumbass look on his face.
"... Eh, Jim? 'M always here when ya gotta gripe in mind. But the Rec is acoupla floors below." Least he hoped Jim wasn't fixing to work out his frustrations here.
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Well. He could have been worse. He could've opened up and let loose the string of curses he had for Bones, paying him back for all the scolding's he'd gotten over the years for being foolish -- for doing this, for doing that. Kirk instead, walked right over - obviously not caring that Bones was there, wet from a shower - and took the glass of whiskey from Bones' hand.
"You," Kirk started, and knocked back the rest of it, slamming it down rather forcefully on the table in front of him. "Are an asshole." Oh yes. He was getting going now, finally.
"I haven't seen you outside of official meetings, and that whole spore crap in over a week. This is off the record, but -- Dammit, Bones!" He felt oddly like the tables were turned. "What the hell is wrong with you? Getting in fights in Sickbay? Alright, fuck it, I would have done the same, but you're better than I am about that shit. Hippocratic oath, do no harm or something, remember that? Also, the HELL is wrong with you and Spock? You've BOTH been avoiding the bridge and sickbay respectively like the plague, you've been acting weird, and on top of that..."
Kirk held up the empty glass.
"You're fucking drinking again. So explain yourself, Bones, cause I'm about this close to punching you in the face if you don't give me a god damned explanation for your behavior lately."
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Oh.... that.
Bones listened to the litany of charges, doing two kinds of turtling. Christ almighty, he needed some clothes now. Some ancient instinct almost had him literally covering his balls. "... Jus fer clarity's sake, the actual Oath doesn't say that anywhere," he tried lamely. Was sure Jim seriously contemplated that threat. Holy shit, just when did Life swap their scripts? "Awright, awright! Jus hold yer damn horses an' I'll explain whut I can. But I ain't doin' it practically nekkid!" With a huff, Bones was up and stomping into his bedroom. So much for that relaxing evening.
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Kirk nearly said something to the effect that he's seen the guy naked before -- they'd been sleeping in each other's rooms at the academy, Kirk had even fallen asleep entirely naked on the other guy's couch at some point during one summer night. They had never really been too modest. But things seemed different now, and with a disgruntled huff, Kirk sank down in on McCoy's couch.
He felt better now, sure, but he was still livid. And he wasn't about to let all of this go so easily.
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Well, as he'd been told recently by someone dear and fuzzy, there were times where philosophizing wouldn't get you anywhere. Besides, Jim just might storm into the bedroom of Bones took much longer. As he threw on some pants, socks and a shirt, he contemplated just where to begin with Kirk Inquisition. What he was gonna tell the man who was his best friend. Tried not acknowledging the fact that best friends usually don't choose what details to leave out. Once he'd shored enough fortitude, he stepped back into the sitting area. Observed his seething friend quietly for a moment.
"Yer right, of course," Bones started out softly. "Isn't good ta drink by myself like a miserable ol' bogfrog. An' I thank ya, Jim, fer keepin' yer promise. But that wasn't drinkin', really. I was jus unwindin' after anuther hellacious day of workin' with assholes an' high expectations. Jus one glass, an' I didn't even get a chance ta drink much of it. So if yer gonna go off on me, dun make it 'bout the hooch." At least not until the man got wind of the drinking he'd been doing with Scotty lately. And Tony.
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"Not mad about the drinking, Bones. I'm just telling you why I did it. And..." Kirk shrugged, giving somewhat of a smirk. "I'm not the best one to tell you no. I fully admit to getting drunk at least once on this ship, and maybe I just needed a drink myself." He shrugged again, tilting his head to the side.
"We wouldn't have had to call in for back-up if things had gone as smoothly as we hoped they would. The medical relief help will be there just until we reach the Starbase, and then they're gone." Thank fucking god, might have been heard, whispered under Kirk's breath.
"Anyway. Go on." Kirk glanced up at him again, expecting more answers.
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"I've a feelin' there're gonna be days where bein' drunk on this ship will be necessary," he sighed as he fetched the rest of that bottle. He was gonna need to find a replacement bottle for Scotty. Brought another glass on over to Jim and pointed poured them both one. There wasn't much left anyway, so the man could just deal. Bones treated himself to a slow, relishing swallow before he continued.
"An' yeah, I'm countin' the hours 'til we reach starbase. But ya read the report, Jim. An' I'm sure ya've heard from... Pike." He'd almost slipped and called the man Chris. Still wasn't sure how, or if, he was ever gonna have that talk with Jim. "Whut more do I need ta tell ya 'bout the whole Sickbay Shakedown?" Because yes, scuttlebutt had given it an official name by now. "Since first steppin' foot in the Bay, those assholes have been condescending, harassing, an' prejudiced. I ain't excusing my behavior at all. But goddamnit Jim, I'm a Human being, not a Vulcan." Internal wince at that slip. Best to steer away from that topic. "I cudda lived with the slander an' abuse longer, if it'd jus been aimed at me. But they went fer mah nurses. They went after Scotty. Jim, they descended on Sky like a pack of wolves." The look on Bones' face was clear. You don't mess with Sky. End of transmission.
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"Is this Scotty's stuff?" He wrinkled his nose at the strength. "Don't usually drink Scotch, do you?"
Not that he lingered much on that. "I read the report. And I understand, trust me, I do." Kirk paused before looking up. "I'm not blaming you for what you did. I would've done the same, hell, I know I would have. But you're...supposed to be more...I don't know. It just disappointed me. It's stupid, really - glad you did it, not glad we get to suffer through the consequences of beating up the guys that were supposed to come with us and help us out of this mess. It won't last for much longer, but we're gonna have to get to this point where we have to suck up to the Admiralty and make them think we're better than that. It's stupid -- hell, I know it is, but..." Kirk shrugged. "I'm sorry. We've got some time off now, though? Some time to actually breathe." He sounded relieved, taking another sip of the scotch and leaning back into the couch again.
"No more about the 'Sickbay Showdown'. Now you just gotta tell me why both you and the Commander are avoiding me like the plague, and avoiding each other too. Care to elaborate?"
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"I know, Jim," he said very quietly. He answered the next question with first just a nod, then a snort. "I'll drink whatever gets me there fastest, if that's my aim. But I like a fine Scotch." And the fine man that comes with it. "An' I like it hard 'nuff ta stun a horse. Saurian brandy ain't fer the decorative bottle." Bones kicked back another swallow, just as slow. Listened to Jim go on, leaning back into the couch. Sighed at the eventual topic detour, but decided that no, the Showdown discussion wasn't really over. And not just because he was avoiding all mention of Spock like a case of highly communicable Tarkellian hand herpes.
"Jim...," he set his glass down, turned some towards the man. "There's readin' the report, an' knowin' exactly what went on. Those fuckers blamed me fer the quarantine fiasco, questioned my competence, and even made derogatory comments 'bout bein' a Southerner. In this damn day an' age. An' when they found out that I'd been Spored, they said that I was compromising the research an' having unhealthy relations with the crew. Borad had the gall to divulge patient information publicly. How d'ya think I feel, havin' so many know 'bout that? That I'm effectively a goddamn Bacchun? Ignorin' my general agreement on how things were handled, that's just low by any count. An' this went on fer days before all hell broke loose. I'm sorry I disappointed ya. I've disappointed myself. But it was all so... personal. I hadn't been expectin' that, I guess. It's one thing t'take it from Jocelyn. But Starfleet Medical? On our first goddamn mission?
"An' I'm not avoidin' ya, Jim. I've been in Sickbay nearly every damn moment I've been awake since Bacchus. An' when I'm not... well, I've been doin' what I did after the ex. Feelin' sorry fer myself an' licking mah wounds."
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"You can drink as much as you want, Bones," Kirk murmured, staring straight ahead into empty space. He knew just as well as any what it was like to have to turn your life around, to keep from depending on something that would fuck his head up and make him feel better. The captain stared into his glass, knocking the strong liquid around. "Just keep it out of your medbay, and don't drink alone. That's just asking for trouble, Bones."
He chuckled and shrugged. "You and Scotty have an awful lot in common, don't you? I was always partial to Romulan Ale as far as the strong shit goes. Illegal, maybe, but that stuff is something. I never really cared all that much for Scotch -- but it's really not all bad." Kirk glanced over at him thoughtfully before taking another sip, grimacing at the taste.
"I'm sorry, Bones." Kirk frowned and glanced to him, finally, awkwardly setting an arm around his friend. "Like I said before, I don't blame you. I would've done the same damn thing." Kirk chuckled, and leaned back on the sofa. "Don't think there's gonna be too many repercussions for that. It's just. Hearing it from someone else, my Yeoman, Bones -- I didn't even know there was a problem in the first place. If you had told me, I could have had them rerouted, could have...I don't know, intervened, somehow. Starfleet's just keeping a close eye on us. It's -- kind of my fault, being young and inexperienced, and my crew has to suffer the consequences." Kirk folded his hands under his chin, distancing himself a bit more once again.
"If we were planetside," Kirk grinned at him sideways, "I'd say I need to get you out more. But for now - hell, I dunno. Just know that you can still tell me things? Rant. Whatever. If you don't tell anyone anything, you'll end up imploding, or something." Kirk set his hand on Bones' shoulder again. "I'm your captain, or something to that effect, but I was your friend first, right?"
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He appreciated the show of comfort, recognizing how awkward it had to be for the man sober. Jim was better with the casual, spontaneous stuff. Well, if you were't wearing tits. Not wanting to embarrass his captain and friend any further, Bones simply tilted his head back, a brief weight on that arm. "Well... truth be told, that was kinda the point, Jim." Now it was Bones' turn to feel awkward. "Actually, neither you nor Pike were supposed'ta know there was a problem. I felt responsible fer the outbreak." Still did, really. "An' fer the Admiral's presence. I wanted ta prove I could fix this myself, an' show Starfleet we were all capable. Certainly didn't want my mistakes fallin' back on ya. I knew how much this mission meant ta ya. So... I kept my mouth shut an' tried dealin' on my own." He stared at his glass a moment, contemplating what'd all been said. "An' no, the scrutiny isn't yer fault. It's Starfleet's problem, because they're a bunch of ungrateful, hypocritical bastards. You've saved our collective bacon. Twice now. Pay no nevermind to those assholes."
At mention of shore leave, Bones snorted and rolled his eyes. Groaned, "Thank god, really. I've been out 'nuff as it is. Wouldn't mind the chance ta crawl in a hole with a bottle." Paused and looked over at Jim. Smirked again. Added, "An' two glasses, this time." He reciprocated the gesture and conveyed his thanks by setting a hand on Jim's forearm.
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The weight on his arm just relaxed him, slightly, the somewhat show of affection making it seem more like old times, and Jim glanced back over to Bones with a bit of a scowl. "You're telling me it was your fault it got so insane? Bones, seriously. You know yourself better than that. It was a containment breach - it could have been anything, Bones, it wasn't all your fault. You're damn well capable, and you don't think I know that more than anyone else?" Kirk shifted back, just clapped Bones on the shoulder. "Pike knows it too. You saved his damn life, of course you're capable enough to handle it. You're a good CMO, a good doctor, and the fact that they were scrutinizing your medbay just tells me loads about the fact that they don't know shit about quality. I'm not worried about Starfleet command, Bones. They're there to help us, not judge us, and if they've got a problem they can come bitch at me about it. They don't need to be barking orders at you or your nurses." Kirk shook his head, muttering something.
"So you never answered me." Kirk said softly, taking a moment of silence, that arm on his forearm not out of the ordinary. He looked to Bones with raised eyebrows. "Are you going to tell me why you're avoiding Spock, or are you just going to keep it a surprise?"
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What he did do, though, was settle down and listen to what Jim had to say. About the quarantine, Starfleet, being fucking human. Wasn't really all that different from what Sky, Chris or Scotty had been telling him. Guess he should probably start believing and move on finally. A different kind of smile came to his face. This one... grateful, a little humbled. Didn't say anything because he didn't know what else to say beyond that smile. Didn't think he needed to, save for maybe adding a squeeze to Jim's arm.
The man's next question, unfortunately, left him with a different kind of speechlessness.
Damn, Kirk knew just how to sneak one in under the radar. Here Bones thought he'd gotten off the hook. Kinda drained after the previous conversation, not to mention now feeling like he owed him, it was hard to think of a way of dodging the topic again. Probably meant it was time to settle for plain ol' honesty. "Jim... it's not that I dun wanna tell ya," exactly, "or I dun trust ya," not to get a little buggy over this, "but it's horribly personal. An' while ya've seen me utterly pathetic... well, there's Spock ta consider. If I tell ya this, ya've gotta promise me ya won't confront him. No matter what that blond, heroic head of yers thinks." Of either one of them.
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After he'd finished preaching to Bones, Kirk just sort of quieted and relished in that humbled smile for a minute, offering him a friendly one of his own. God knew that McCoy needed all the encouragement he could get sometimes. He didn't think the best of himself, and Kirk hated that about him. Bones was a good guy. A good doctor, and it was hard to see one of his closest friends over the years second guessing himself for what seemed like the billionth time. Kirk loosened his hand and just patted Bones' forearm, relaxing back again.
His eyebrows shot up as Bones didn't attempt to dodge the topic again, and a confused look set about making it's way over Kirk's features, an unsettled feeling in his stomach. "Personal, with Spock?" Like hell it could be what he thought it was. It kind of ...couldn't. Not at all. This was weird.
This was really weird.
"Alright, alright." Kirk said finally. "Won't say a word to him."
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Oh, if other topics were as clear cut and full of conviction for him.
While he'd settled into something quiet and peaceful with Jim after talk of the academics, talk about Spock had him starting to squirm again. He fidgeted with his empty glass. Found it so much more absorbing for a moment there. Then sighed at himself for the ridiculous dramatics. This wasn't a Teen Virgin Confessional subspace blog or something equally stupid. Right. "... Right." Looked over awkwardly at Jim until it sunk in just how right that right was right. Could tell when by just how much blue he could see of those ocean blue eyes.
"I... well, that is, we... have sum shared memories from that night of the Spores." And how. Not necessarily well-put together memories. But they were enough to keep him up nights in two kinds of ways. And he still wasn't thrilled about the low lighting outside his quarters.
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