Let me drown and all the nightmares will fade
I don't remember when I passed out last night. I woke up at noon with an empty wine bottle on the bed and one of the worst hangovers I've ever had.
I eventually got up, stole some Motrin and swallowed ten of them, went downstairs to flip the router, and got online to check my email. And then I remembered the post I made at midnight last night. I read it and I cried. Again. This is what happens when I get drunk, I lose control and I did that last night and I fucked myself up even worse than I already was.
I feel so dead.
I can feel myself going down the same road I did a few years ago, and I don't want that to happen. I don't want to be nothing, I don't want to destroy myself all over again for something that I'm not even sure is real anymore, because I'm starting to think I dreamed everything. Maybe that's just the alcohol talking, I don't know. I don't know anything anymore.
Guys: Thank you for your support. I mean it.
I'm not angry with him, I'm angry at myself. I'm angry that I took my wall down for once in my life and trusted someone, but now that I have, I don't want to lose the person I took my wall down for. Is that so wrong? I don't know what's right or wrong anymore, I don't know anything. I just don't want to feel.
I need more alcohol. Motrin. Anything.
I eventually got up, stole some Motrin and swallowed ten of them, went downstairs to flip the router, and got online to check my email. And then I remembered the post I made at midnight last night. I read it and I cried. Again. This is what happens when I get drunk, I lose control and I did that last night and I fucked myself up even worse than I already was.
I feel so dead.
I can feel myself going down the same road I did a few years ago, and I don't want that to happen. I don't want to be nothing, I don't want to destroy myself all over again for something that I'm not even sure is real anymore, because I'm starting to think I dreamed everything. Maybe that's just the alcohol talking, I don't know. I don't know anything anymore.
Guys: Thank you for your support. I mean it.
I'm not angry with him, I'm angry at myself. I'm angry that I took my wall down for once in my life and trusted someone, but now that I have, I don't want to lose the person I took my wall down for. Is that so wrong? I don't know what's right or wrong anymore, I don't know anything. I just don't want to feel.
I need more alcohol. Motrin. Anything.