Five Ways Jack Kept His Promise to Show Teal'c His World
***** One ****
After a mission which had been boring for everyone but Daniel (who was holed up in his office with video footage, rethinking everything he knew about ancient Mesopotamia) Jack felt like ice cream. Not the sub-par stuff served on base, either. He figured that he ought to introduce Teal’c to decent ice cream.
“The mess hall continuously offers ice cream,” said Teal’c, as though this had somehow escaped Jack’s notice.
“It’s not nearly as good.” That got him one slightly raised Jaffa eyebrow. “Look, you wanted to see my world, right?”
Jack spent the ride over answering some questions which had apparently been nagging at Teal’c. He explained the basics of the entertainment industry, stressing the fact that soap operas weren’t an accurate reflection of life on Earth (to Teal’c relief). He cleared up a couple of misconceptions regarding the extent of Hammond’s power. (“No, the mess staff doesn’t provide him a personal chef.”) And he clarified the differences between branches of the military.
At Dairy Queen he ordered a banana split for each of them. Teal’c’s eyes widened a bit after his first bite, and he asked what other foods were superior when not cooked in the mess hall.
***** Two *****
He took Teal’c out to see the Fourth of July fireworks, which required a brief history lesson. Teal’c didn’t understand the politics involved. It seemed that British rule struck him as nothing to complain about compared to the Goa’uld, which Jack supposed was fair enough. Also, the phrase ‘no taxation without representation’ didn’t mean anything to Teal’c, who wasn’t familiar with taxes or representative government. He didn’t see the point of the judicial branch either, no matter how Jack tried to explain it to him.
On the other hand, no ideal appealed to Teal’c as much as freedom, so the knowledge that he was among people who valued the concept of freedom made him one happy Jaffa.
***** Three *****
When Jack first offered to teach Teal’c to play pool, the Jaffa asked what precautions had been taken to prevent alligators from accessing the pool. Jack just stared until Teal’c said that he’d seen a news story about an enormous alligator in someone’s pool down in Florida.
Teal’c was much more interested after Jack explained that, one, there were no alligators in Colorado, and two, he was talking about something entirely different.
When they actually started, no sooner had Jack said, “These are the pockets. The goal is to get all the balls into them,” than Teal’c swept the balls towards a corner pocket with his arm. Jack stopped him just in time.
After racking up the balls again, Jack said, “I’ll break.” Teal’c asked if this pool was a highly destructive game, and if there should be medical personnel nearby.
By this time, Jack was glad that O’Malley’s was almost deserted. When Teal’c sent the cue ball halfway across the room, Jack started to reconsider his assurance that medical personnel weren’t necessary.
After all that, Teal’c decided that he didn’t care much for pool. On the other hand, he did like air hockey. In no time at all Jack had an air hockey equal for the first time in years.
***** Four *****
Fraiser declared that the person who gave Cassandra a dog was also responsible for providing a doghouse. Jack had long ago learned that an angry CMO could make his life difficult, so he promised to build a doghouse that very weekend. Teal’c heard about this and wanted to watch. Jaffa, he said, did not have pets, and he was interested in this human concept.
Five minutes into the project, Teal’c had hammered his thumb twice. He sat on the deck with iced tea and watched Jack build the doghouse.
***** Five *****
He decided to introduce Teal’c to the concept of a fair. Daniel thought this had interesting anthropological potential, and Carter found the idea of Teal’c at a fair interesting enough to leave her lab during daylight hours, so they made a team afternoon of it.
Teal’c, who had been embracing the human love of junk food, thoroughly enjoyed his cotton candy. He was less impressed with the Ferris wheel, but Carter insisted he needed to ride it to have an authentic fair experience and dragged him up with her. Back on the ground, he declared it peculiar.
Daniel wanted fried dough, which sparked a discussion over various names for that particular treat and led Teal’c to conclude that English was needlessly complex. While they ate, Jack steered his team towards the carnival games. Generally these were a waste of money, true (though Jack was great at the shooting games), but they were an important part of the fair experience. Teal’c was extremely skeptical. Jack bought him three darts anyway and instructed him to pop a balloon or three. The first dart missed, but he popped two balloons with the others.
When the kid manning the game asked Teal’c which stuffed animal he wanted, Teal’c turned to Jack with the most incredulous look on his face. It was absolutely worth the price of the darts. Carter almost keeled over laughing. She ended up with the frog Teal’c won, as he refused to carry it; Carter figured she’d keep it around for amusement.
Daniel thought it might be a good time to visit the more traditional section of the fair. Teal’c quickly agreed, glaring at another carnie hawking a game. They walked across the fairgrounds via a stop for candy apples. Teal’c liked those. Clearly, his favorite part of the fair thus far was the food.
To Daniel’s evident delight, Teal’c appreciated the less commercialized aspects of the fair. Their Jaffa friend took the opportunity to learn about animals, particularly those he ate, and food production. Jack contributed several anecdotes from the summer he spent on his great-uncle’s farm. Carter piped in with occasional commentary about the virtues of progress and technology.
The sheep and alpacas were of particular interest to Teal’c, who had apparently never given any thought to where his clothing might come from. Neither Teal’c nor Daniel were really prepared for a Colorado winter. Teal’c bought an alpaca wool hat. Daniel bought a scarf. Jack almost choked when he looked at the price tags. But Teal’c really didn’t have any expenses other than candles for kel-no-reeming. In fact, he’d been quite surprised to learn that he was legally entitled to a paycheck. Daniel was enjoying having a steady income for probably the first time in his life, and he got paid better than the rest of them anyway.
Jack was tempted by free samples and bought two bottles of barbeque sauce. Carter picked up handmade soap in several fruity scents. Jack failed to understand why she would want to smell like an orange, but knew better than to ask. Teal’c thoroughly enjoyed the candlemaking demonstration and bought several. He went through a crazy amount of candles. Daniel made a grandmother’s day by having an extended conversation with her in Welsh and she sent him off with a free jar of jam.
Hopefully Junior regulated blood sugar, because Teal’c ate another candy apple and more cotton candy before they made it out the gate. His final pronouncement was that the fair was, despite some incomparably useless aspects (this he said with a wary glance at the frog under Carter’s arm), an enjoyable and educational experience. And the food was delicious.