Yet another day..

[ensusojos]

That i've fucked up. Im so tired of being a fuck up I just need to be put in jail, i'm a danger to society, I hurt people's feelings, I do things I shouldnt do. I am a horrible friend when I should be caring. I thought it was harmless. Dinner? To me it's just food. To her it means something more, I should have known. I guess when I thought about the big picture, to me, It just meant eating and talking. Nothing more. There's nothing there. She sees different. She has every right to. It's her soar spot, but after everything thats happened in the last few weeks with guys, I thought...well...I dont know what I thought...I guess I just thought that this whole thing was over and she wouldnt mind. I was wrong. I usually am. I feel horrible, I feel like shit. I dont want to lose another friendship. Especially over something so minor....dinner. I can eat by myself. I dont mind that much, as long as it means she wont be mad at me anymore.

Why do I fuck up so much? Why am I such a bitch? I thought I was a good person, I'm not. I lied to myself, continuesly, I thought if I give people rides, or make them laugh, then I'm a good friend. I was wrong, the one moment i hurt someone, i'm a bitch. she couldn't even look at me today. I just want to cry. I dont want to go back there, I dont want to hurt her. FUCK. Someone just give me lethol injection.. I'll be gone, no one left to hurt you.

I'm sorry.