Boot Hill: Chapter One Redux

[ensnarement]

CHAPTER ONE RETURNS. Shorter and trimmed and better than before! At least, I think so. You be the judge. Chapter two is on its way!

Comments

Exciting changes

[chococomilk]

On the one hand, the old chapter one leads quick into the action which grasps the reader's attention, allowing them to get into the meat of the story and be hooked by it more quickly. On the other hand, the new chapter one is far more enigmatic and that it leaves readers with both dozens of questions and a cliffhanger straight off the bat makes it an improvement in story-telling quality from the previous draft.

The quality of the writing itself is about the same as before: which is good, as it has always been excellent. Clear, without bogging the reader down in long words and tangled sentences, and not reducing detail to the level that it becomes simplistic. Linds' character comes through as nervous, frightened, anxious about the future and fixated on small details about himself and his surroundings to distract him from what is weighing on his mind, although the reader doesn't know what it is yet. That he comments on the appearance of the man he's sharing the carriage with suggests a background of good birth and privilege, so whatever has caused him to abandon his past life must be incredibly serious.

It's great! I watched your chart on DA climb as you continued writing after NaNoWriMo, so you've been pretty productive since November. ;) Keep up the good work.

Re: Exciting changes

[ensnarement]

asldfkjasdf this is about the nicest comment I could have received today. Or ever. After a series of draining and disheartening events that has made up the past 24 hours, your comment has seriously cheered me up. I love how you caught some really little things in the narrative here that actually end up expanding into bigger things later on in the story (Linds' life of privilege, for one).

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR KIND WORDS. I will treasure them forever. For real.

I'm really excited now what you think of chapter two. I'll try and have it up tomorrow for you and you alone ;)

Re: Exciting changes

[chococomilk]

:) I shall be happy to review it for you.

How many chapters have you got done? Have you a lot from a first draft that you're reconfiguring or are you writing again from the start?

I'm glad my comment came at a good time for you. But it's so exciting that you can show so much in only a single chapter! You can go on in full confidence that you are a fabulous writer even when you have unhappy days.

Re: Exciting changes

[ensnarement]

Actually, when I wrote Boot Hill initially for NaNo, I didn't break it up into chapters, so I have NO idea. When I do manage to break it up, though, it'll probably be about 14-16 chapters, or around there. I have a lot of editing and rewriting to do, though. There are about 5 chapters that have received a bit of editing and much needed TLC, that I'll probably be posting within the next couple months before November. I will be continuing to write the 'sequel' for NaNo this year : )

http://ensnarement.livejournal.com/20389.html Chapter two is up! Thanks again for your kind comments and encouragement.

Re: Exciting changes

[chococomilk]

INTERESTING. Yes, there's a lot of changes. Lindsay comes across less as nervous about his predicament of fleeing the Capital and more that he's not entirely sure what he's doing. One minute he's reassuring himself of the steps he's taking - the stops he'll make on the train, get to his uncle's, let his sister take care of the rest. On the other hand, he's angsting about the possibility of capture and so jumpy he's avoiding speaking to other passengers as it might draw unwelcome attention.

The guy he does talk to, however, comes across as really suspicious! I remember that one of Finch's gang is called Cornelius Chapman so I figured it was way too much of a coincidence that this guy'd have a son by that name. Lindsay unconsciously appears to pick up on this, that the guy's story isn't quite right, but he doesn't register it openly. It comes across that this guy is on the train to check Lindsay out before Finch & crew raid the train, to identify that it's him. Is that what's intended?

He is more grown-up sounding in this new version. He seems more pedantic and snobby in places, and in others profoundly sheltered, although he is aware of it, and in others worldly and knowledgeable about the world around him. There's a great deal of depth.

I'm really interested in how this has differed from previous versions, especially after reading the DA excerpt from General Fortun's POV. :)