Lock me up and throw away the key
I'm so tired...mentally, physically, and emotionally. I'm starting to regret this pregnancy and I think it's setting in that I'll be doing this on my own. I watch my cousin do it all and she's close to having a breakdown herself. I'm so sick of holding things back and I feel as though I am burdening others with my superficial problems when I feel I need to talk.
Mark and I haven't really spoken. Today he's back in the hospital having more surgery on his brain...without this he could die within a month. He's one of my best friends and I guess the thought of me losing another person in my life is kind of devastating. Then I have my own health to worry about. My blood pressure is back up which isn't good, the MS makes me hurt so bad and there's nothing I can take for the pain except damn tylenol.
John has been great and it's so wonderful when we get to see each other. However, reality is harsh and I still question myself on why I got involved in another long distance relationship. I can't move up there b/c of my job & the pregnancy. He can't move closer to me b/c of his son and his current job. I don't want us to "live together" but it would be so nice to be a little closer in distance. I just wish I thought about things more in depth before I screwed up my life yet once again. I do love John and I guess he feels the same or so he says. He's so happy about the baby which makes things a little easier but I'm still on this emotional roller coaster.
Mark and I haven't really spoken. Today he's back in the hospital having more surgery on his brain...without this he could die within a month. He's one of my best friends and I guess the thought of me losing another person in my life is kind of devastating. Then I have my own health to worry about. My blood pressure is back up which isn't good, the MS makes me hurt so bad and there's nothing I can take for the pain except damn tylenol.
John has been great and it's so wonderful when we get to see each other. However, reality is harsh and I still question myself on why I got involved in another long distance relationship. I can't move up there b/c of my job & the pregnancy. He can't move closer to me b/c of his son and his current job. I don't want us to "live together" but it would be so nice to be a little closer in distance. I just wish I thought about things more in depth before I screwed up my life yet once again. I do love John and I guess he feels the same or so he says. He's so happy about the baby which makes things a little easier but I'm still on this emotional roller coaster.