FIVE MINUTES
FIVE MINUTES
Marvin was inescapably bored. In the space of five minutes, he had; calculated the exact combination of the object in his immediate surrounding necessary to create a bomb which would explode the entire universe; gotten annoyed at Zaphod for chewing his ice; attempted to twiddle his thumbs for a bit; and complained loudly about how you would think they would have given him a pair of thumbs which he could twiddle or even any thumbs at all.
“It’s the principle of the thing,” he was saying. “Not that you human have any principles anyways.”
Marvin sighed and returned to the bomb thought. That had seemed to him to be a slightly less miserable thought than no thumbs. But he was wrong. It was just as depressing as all the other thoughts that had crossed his mind and these thoughts generally committed a long, drawn out suicide to take their minds off how miserable they were. Marvin sniggered meanly at how confused the concept of thoughts having minds would make these humans.
It was quite a simple concept.
Not that anyone cared.
I mean, he thought. What was their explanation for the mind being able to think several billion thoughts at once? It hurt Marvin’s brain to think at their level. He told them so.
They were yelling and screaming about something remarkably…trivial. “Marvin, you have to -----------! We’re going to -------!”
Marvin tuned them out, humming loudly to himself. He noticed that his prosthetic leg was on fire.
“Isn’t that totally miserable,” Marvin remarked. “A robot with a prosthetic leg.”
They yelled a little louder.
“Well. I suppose if I’m the only one here who’s smart enough to put out a fire when it’s consuming a ship you happen to be on, I’d better do it. I suppose.”
Now they were nodding enthusiastically and waving their arms about looking idiotic.
Marvin honestly could not understand human stupidity.
And he was so depressed.
THE END
Marvin was inescapably bored. In the space of five minutes, he had; calculated the exact combination of the object in his immediate surrounding necessary to create a bomb which would explode the entire universe; gotten annoyed at Zaphod for chewing his ice; attempted to twiddle his thumbs for a bit; and complained loudly about how you would think they would have given him a pair of thumbs which he could twiddle or even any thumbs at all.
“It’s the principle of the thing,” he was saying. “Not that you human have any principles anyways.”
Marvin sighed and returned to the bomb thought. That had seemed to him to be a slightly less miserable thought than no thumbs. But he was wrong. It was just as depressing as all the other thoughts that had crossed his mind and these thoughts generally committed a long, drawn out suicide to take their minds off how miserable they were. Marvin sniggered meanly at how confused the concept of thoughts having minds would make these humans.
It was quite a simple concept.
Not that anyone cared.
I mean, he thought. What was their explanation for the mind being able to think several billion thoughts at once? It hurt Marvin’s brain to think at their level. He told them so.
They were yelling and screaming about something remarkably…trivial. “Marvin, you have to -----------! We’re going to -------!”
Marvin tuned them out, humming loudly to himself. He noticed that his prosthetic leg was on fire.
“Isn’t that totally miserable,” Marvin remarked. “A robot with a prosthetic leg.”
They yelled a little louder.
“Well. I suppose if I’m the only one here who’s smart enough to put out a fire when it’s consuming a ship you happen to be on, I’d better do it. I suppose.”
Now they were nodding enthusiastically and waving their arms about looking idiotic.
Marvin honestly could not understand human stupidity.
And he was so depressed.
THE END