“A robot heart is all I want.”
Two weeks ago we went to the beach. Since then, he now asks me to stay at his house. Gosh I love it. The first time it was strange and personal. I sat on the floor as he watched nascar. He always says I’m a sex bot. The first night I stayed over. Then the next night he asked me to come over. What he meant was; stay the night. The next night it was the same thing. We would get dinner and we would sit in his back yard a s we would smoke pot and drink copious amounts of whisky, watch movies, lovely sex. Last night, he cooked for me. Fuck. Salmon and spinach and golden beets. He called to say he was going to the post real fast. So when I got to his house I laid in his grass read and had a whiskey. He sat with me for a minute then he cooked we cooked. In love with him. I met his son .. ish. I knew when he walked in to the kitchen that he was mackellen . Beautiful like his mother but loving like his father. We locked eyes and the only thing I could say to myself was “please don’t see me” over and over again.
He took me on a date to see Oppenheimer. But I looked like I would be going to Barbie movie. Op was sooo good. We snuck alcohol in the theatre like we were teen. We went on a date to a Mexican restaurant after that then came home. To his home.
What else.
He told me he loved me.. in the wee hours of the morning. Half drunk still, as I was leaving at 4am for work. Made me smile but slightly scared.
We had an amazing dinner at the smoke house a while ago. I really wanted bbq again so I asked Chris if he wanted some, I would bring it to him tomorrow. He said no we’ll just go together, but I have a lot of work to do so it can’t be long.I say ok almost waiting for it to not happen. Then he calls me and says again not too much drinking… he has a lot of work.I ask him if it’s ok if I jpick it up and bring it to him and we can have a chill night. He was so so thankful.
This has to be the longest post. It’s literally been in the process of being typed for 2 weeks or more.
On Friday I went and got us an amazing meal at a place called good food. Very hip, everyone was dressed well. I went to pick us up some very expensive ..”American tapas” all their menu items came in options of half sizes or full sizes. As I sat at a table alone and drank a Jack and Coke that glittered, a stick bug flew right in front of me. I tried not to freak so I quietly got my things and moved to the only seating that was available, which was a large outdoor couch around a fire pit with 3 disconnecting chairs to form a circle. A younger group of young professionals came in and I moved to one of the single chairs so they could be on the couch and the other two remaining chairs. We chatted politely and they bought me shots of fireball. I went back to Chris very drunk. We went outside I remember. I also remember watching world war z and having terrible nightmares. He kept me close to him. I love sleeping with him. He gets so warm and he keeps his room a very chilly frozen. The next day we argued over the blanket I stole from him. His favorite blanket. He said I took it all the night prior and I said you froze me. He said I should use the scratchy red one.. and I said I didn’t know it was scratchy. When the night fell over the house and I was tired and he was not, I went to bed, and I had the scratchy red around me.. he came and said OH HELL NO!!! I woke with laughter and him digging into me like he loved me.
And maybe he does. The next day was my last day at camp. I asked him if I could go to his home and sleep for a minute before I got on the road because I was tired. He asked me if I were staying the night again. I thought I was going home… he said you can stay if you want. I said do you want ? He said if you want… but we’re not going to keep doing this. I said Chris we do it because oh my GOD I want to stay… but I also don’t want you to feel pressured. He said well my parents will be there and the painter is coming and mackellen will be there at some point. I said ooohhhj ok then im going home. As my day came to an end and I go my knifes and say goodbyes to the team. I go to him and I say bye and I asked when will I see him again? He stopped what he was doing to look at me and he said tonight when I get off ! I said oookkk Chris. What about your parents. He said well if you’re there for the painter my parents won’t have to be there. I said what about kell? He said that’s ok right ? And the. I was introduce to Chris’s sine mackellen .