The truths facts and misconceptions regarding "Eating right", "Regular exercise", and restraint...
Q. I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A. Your heart is only good for so many beats, and thats it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying that you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
Q. Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A. You must grasp logic. What do cows eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism is delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you %100 of your recommended dailey allowance of vegetable products.
Q. Should I reduce my alcohole intake?
A. No. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the fruity goodness that way. Beer is also made of grain. Bottoms up!
Q. How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A. Well, if you have body and you have body fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, ect..
Q. What are the advantages of participating in a regular excercise promgram?
A. Cant think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain... Good.
Q. Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A. YOU ARE NOT LISTENING!!! Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?
Q. Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A. Definitely not! When you excercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
Q. Is chocolate bad for me?
A. Are you crazy? HELLO... Cocoa Beans... Another vegetable!! It's the best feel-good food around!
Q. Is swimming good for your figure?
A. If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
Q. Is getting into shape important for my lifestyle?
A. Hey! "Round" is a shape.
Well I hope that this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets and remember:
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body,
but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand, strawberries in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and screaming - "WOO HOO! What a ride!"
A. Your heart is only good for so many beats, and thats it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying that you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
Q. Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A. You must grasp logic. What do cows eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism is delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you %100 of your recommended dailey allowance of vegetable products.
Q. Should I reduce my alcohole intake?
A. No. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the fruity goodness that way. Beer is also made of grain. Bottoms up!
Q. How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A. Well, if you have body and you have body fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, ect..
Q. What are the advantages of participating in a regular excercise promgram?
A. Cant think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain... Good.
Q. Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A. YOU ARE NOT LISTENING!!! Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?
Q. Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A. Definitely not! When you excercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
Q. Is chocolate bad for me?
A. Are you crazy? HELLO... Cocoa Beans... Another vegetable!! It's the best feel-good food around!
Q. Is swimming good for your figure?
A. If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
Q. Is getting into shape important for my lifestyle?
A. Hey! "Round" is a shape.
Well I hope that this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets and remember:
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body,
but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand, strawberries in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and screaming - "WOO HOO! What a ride!"