(no subject)
In pretty much any situation, I tend to feel that I'm a kid who is trying really really hard to fit in with the adults, but will never, ever manage. This is probably made worse by the fact that I'm effectively invisible. I think I developed this in grade school to avoid getting picked on. I've never managed to get rid of it though. I have literally waved my hands in front of someone's face, trying to get served, while one of my friends laughed because I really did seem to be invisible. He cleared his throat, the girl looked up, he gestured in my direction, and she seemed rather shocked that a new customer had suddenly materialized in her workplace. That isn't really the point here though. I think this is multiplied several-fold when it comes to pagany type things. I don't tend towards any solid experiences. I'm not some big figure in any community, although I do know a few. Any being around them is somehow even worse. I can never make myself heard in conversations, even when it feels like I'm yelling. I'll make a point, and someone else will chip in the same thing nearly word for word a few minutes later and everyone will nod like this was such a great idea. I probably sound bitter, but I'm generally not. It's something that helps me out a lot of the time, so I take the good with the bad. But it really reinforces the feeling of not belonging. We were out tonight to see the west coast premiere of American Mystic, which I'll go into in a bit. And despite them being, you know, subjects of the movie, heartssdesire came over and hugged me, and dionysusdevotee took a minute to ask how things were going. Took only a couple seconds each, I'm sure, and I'm sure neither of them went "hey, let's go out of our way to make sure he feels included!" but it really kinda made my night. Is it sad, how little that takes?
American Mystic was rather interesting. The style, giving more of a general feel of their lives rather than strictly following them, was more immersive than I would have expected. Content-wise, I don't know that I learned much, but it made some things in my head click together in different ways. I think the weirdest part was the one subject in a Steelers cap and folded sunglasses hanging on his shirt. Somehow, that wasn't exactly what I expected. I know heartssdesire said it was kind of surreal to see her life from the outside for a bit, which I would say means that the director, Alex Mar, did a wonderful job.
This entry was originally posted at http://enotsola.dreamwidth.org/173856.html. I less than three Dreamwidth. Ask me if you want an invite.
American Mystic was rather interesting. The style, giving more of a general feel of their lives rather than strictly following them, was more immersive than I would have expected. Content-wise, I don't know that I learned much, but it made some things in my head click together in different ways. I think the weirdest part was the one subject in a Steelers cap and folded sunglasses hanging on his shirt. Somehow, that wasn't exactly what I expected. I know heartssdesire said it was kind of surreal to see her life from the outside for a bit, which I would say means that the director, Alex Mar, did a wonderful job.
This entry was originally posted at http://enotsola.dreamwidth.org/173856.html. I less than three Dreamwidth. Ask me if you want an invite.