(no subject)
Been feeling lonely the last couple days. Distracting myself from getting down by playing FFXIII (which I got for $20 via a combination of sale/coupon at best buy a couple weeks ago) which has worked a certain amount. However, sitting at home playing videogames isn't exactly the most social activity. I'm not sure what to do about it though. I've considered heading to one of the localish gaming stores for the D&D Encounters thing, and see if I can't at least make some geeky type friends while gaming. Lack of transportation (I really need to get my license) means that either I get to sit on a bus for a while, or sit at home and pout. So far, pouting has been the weapon of choice, but who knows how long that'll hold. Probably not that long. Sitting at starbucks, which is where I am right now, helps a little. Completely interaction free, apart from handing the coffee slaves my cup and letting them fill it, but still means I'm around people. Makes me feel like I'm at least a part of the world, although usually that is a feeling I try to avoid.
Saw my head shrinker last week. Stupid lady wants to up my dosage again, which I think is silly. I'm doing mostly better, at least better than I have been in like 3 years. Still had bad days, sure, but who doesn't? I don't think just upping the dosage til I'm deliriously happy all the time is the right solution. Getting to a point where I feel up to handling the real world most mornings, if I need to, and don't spend 2/3 of my time wallowing in misery and self loathing is enough for me. Not that a little wallowing isn't good now and again. Helps me keep my perspective. But the most recent up-dosing seems to have brought in some side effects. Nothing life threatening, but it still annoys me. She also doesn't want to accept my opinion that the generic of one of my drugs doesn't work as well, but as it still works ok, I'm not going to fight too hard. Increasing the dosage of the other drugs again though, I politely told her to insert that idea forcefully into her rectum. I am in fact thinking of dropping it back a bit, and seeing if that works better. Doubled it last time, considering splitting the difference between the two. Not having any connection/respect with the doctor probably isn't a good thing, and I should probably ask for a new one. Just the idea sounds like such a hassle, and I don't know that it is a worthwhile trade off. This doctor is very little hassle to deal with. I walk in, she asks how I'm doing, I say "fine", she adds a couple refills to the prescription and says "I'll see you in a few months!" and I get to walk out of there only slightly annoyed. While I might have a better rapport with another doctor, I like the ease of use here.
Also, really need to stop slacking and get myself a dreamhack thingy setup and start contributing to this place. Would make me feel useful to do something, I think.
This entry was originally posted at http://enotsola.dreamwidth.org/173273.html. I less than three Dreamwidth. Ask me if you want an invite.
Saw my head shrinker last week. Stupid lady wants to up my dosage again, which I think is silly. I'm doing mostly better, at least better than I have been in like 3 years. Still had bad days, sure, but who doesn't? I don't think just upping the dosage til I'm deliriously happy all the time is the right solution. Getting to a point where I feel up to handling the real world most mornings, if I need to, and don't spend 2/3 of my time wallowing in misery and self loathing is enough for me. Not that a little wallowing isn't good now and again. Helps me keep my perspective. But the most recent up-dosing seems to have brought in some side effects. Nothing life threatening, but it still annoys me. She also doesn't want to accept my opinion that the generic of one of my drugs doesn't work as well, but as it still works ok, I'm not going to fight too hard. Increasing the dosage of the other drugs again though, I politely told her to insert that idea forcefully into her rectum. I am in fact thinking of dropping it back a bit, and seeing if that works better. Doubled it last time, considering splitting the difference between the two. Not having any connection/respect with the doctor probably isn't a good thing, and I should probably ask for a new one. Just the idea sounds like such a hassle, and I don't know that it is a worthwhile trade off. This doctor is very little hassle to deal with. I walk in, she asks how I'm doing, I say "fine", she adds a couple refills to the prescription and says "I'll see you in a few months!" and I get to walk out of there only slightly annoyed. While I might have a better rapport with another doctor, I like the ease of use here.
Also, really need to stop slacking and get myself a dreamhack thingy setup and start contributing to this place. Would make me feel useful to do something, I think.
This entry was originally posted at http://enotsola.dreamwidth.org/173273.html. I less than three Dreamwidth. Ask me if you want an invite.