August 7th, 2020
I find it so hard to write this on my other sns such as twitter or instagram, so yup i write it here.
Struggling with such a lot of uncomfortability is suck. Tryin' so hard to enjoy it, grateful for it, but still, it's hard. Tryin' to look good yet fine on the outside but broken on the inside. Smile and laugh at the day but cryin at night.
I have tryin to get out of here. Planning everything. But still, they said NO, they said I should be patient with it, deal with it. I'm lost. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know if i have reached my limit or haven't but i can't take it anymore. My body is totally healthy and in a good condition but not with my soul, my mental, it hurts so bad. I wonder when will it last like this. I still believe that there are a rainbow waiting for me ahead. Just like what ARASHI-san said at A-RA-SHI: Reborn,
"..i'm gonna give it all i got and then i push a little harder. Day by day. I'm getting closer closer to my destiny it's waiting there for me. Don't stop me now (x2). You better get ready"
It's become my favorite phrase since a year ago, btw.
At last this short journal is written for the future of me that you are amazing and strong. It's ok to crying. Appreciate for what you've done, even it's a small thing, whether it's successfull or not. You are loved. Remember, a rainbow will appear after the storm.
From you at August 7th, 2020. To you at the future.