Not Human Chapter One
Enoby: So this is an FMA fanfic written by Artimus Sizuki. It’s got Chrono from Chrono Crusade and the author’s self-insert. I'll be sporking this chapter with Charlie Harris, my OC.
Summary: We are not human.
Charlie:No, you’re Sues.
Enoby: I'm glad that they're comfortable with that fact.
We are not worthy. You are not our master. You can not tame us. Why, because we are simply not human.
Enoby: This is Twilight-style human bashing, right there.
Royed artimusxchrono Angel!Ed Angel!Artimus. Plz read & review. story will be better than story
Charlie: What?
trust me. i
Enoby: That needs to be a capital letter.
am the author
Charlie: No shit. I thought I was. Actually, scratch that; I NEVER thought that I was the author!
genre, title, and rating may change. COMPLETE! SEQUEL SOON!
Enoby: I’m going to have to spork a sequel?
Not really my first story, but for now it is.
Charlie: If it isn’t your first story, how will that change in time?
Please review. Opinions needed.
Enoby: I have an opinion, your writing sucks.
Roy Mustang's Point of View:
Charlie: Oh, God no... Get out of there, Roy!
There is something in the cage in front of me. I don't know what it is, it's just lying there, it may be dead.
Roy: It’s a rat!
Charlie: Nah, it's only mostly dead.
Enoby: Check its pockets.
Then I saw it,
Enoby: You saw the random tense change?
something so cruel to keep something so beautiful confined.
Charlie: Saw what? What’s beautiful? If you don’t know what it is, then how do you know that it’s beautiful?
In a steel cage, chained to a pole,
Charlie: They were dancing.
Enoby: Sluts.
a child, no children, being kept in a cage,
Enoby: Yeah, you said that.
it's despicable.
Charlie: I thought it was rather nice of them, to be honest.
Just laying there, one wing covering them,
Enoby: This sounds like Final Fantasy.
Charlie: *snort* The symbolism here is less subtle than an angel called Angeal.
one large light pink wing at that.
Enoby: Effie?
I looked to the second being on the floor, such beauty. It had long golden hair, brown tipped at the end.
Charlie: I think Roy has a hair fetish. Seriously, that’s all he can see, and they have such beauty.
I can't tell whether or not they're alive. They don't look like they have a lot of nutrients.
Enoby: But because the author doesn’t know anything about health and diet, she neglects to tell us the signs.
Charlie: Yeah, which nutrients are they lacking? Protein? Vitamins? All of them? 'Cause I'm telling you, malnourishment isn't pretty.
I walk a little closer to the cage. I made the stupid mistake of tripping on an out grown trunk of a tree, landing flat on my face.
Enoby: Roy’s a Colonel in the Amestrian Military. You’d think that he’d have a better spatial awareness.
Charlie: But Enoby! It's Komedy!
Unfortunately, I woke them up. .
Enoby: Is that a missing full stop or a missing sentence?
The face that I saw was pure and what looked like anger.
Charlie: What? I... don't have any idea what that meant.
It's dark amethyst
Enoby: *snort*
Charlie: ITS. There is NO apostrophe in that possessive!
eyes stared into my soul, and after a while I got kind of
Enoby: Kind of? Kind of? This is Roy Mustang, the Flame Alchemist! He fought Lust, torched Envy and fought in the Ishbal war... and he’s scared of eyes?
scared and looked away. The next thing I knew, I was looking into golden eyes.
Enoby: Ed?
Charlie: *nods sadly* He's too far gone...
It seemed like confusion, it slightly tilted its head and we just stared at each other.
Roy: DUUUUHHHUUUU.
When it, I'm almost sure it's a boy, looked away, he stared to the sunset-colored
Charlie: Sunset? Sunset has a variety of colours, you moron.
Enoby: Her hair is shimmering with Sue-ness. Even though she's malnourished, her magical Sueper powahs make her hair pretty!
hair (1) girl from earlier.
She looked at him softly, almost like they had some sort of telepathy.
Charlie: Maybe they do.
I have to tell Chrono
Enoby: You’re going to butcher my favourite character from Chrono Crusade.
(2) about this.
"Chrono, Hughes, Hawkeye, come quick. I think we found something, or rather two things."
Roy: They have EYES! And HAIR!
Hughes: Oh wow!
Chrono's Point of View:
Enoby: NO.
"Coming, geez, no need to blow everyone's ear off." I said.
Charlie: Doesn't that sound like pre-WW2 speak, to you?
"What is it, sir." Hawkeye said monotonously.
Enoby: Monotonously? She’s a soldier, not an android!
"Where's Hughes? This is something he is gonna need to see."
Charlie: He’s busy hiding behind you to wave a picture of his daughter in your face.
"Present! I was just looking at a picture of my adorable little Elysia. Look Roy, isn't she adorable!"
Enoby: While the idea is in-character, the way it’s done is wrong. Hughes doesn’t interrupt something SERIOUS with Elysia!
"Yes, Hughes simply precious.
Charlie: Roy wouldn’t say that.
Enoby: But it's Elysia!
Now follow me. Whether or not you want to admit it, this is might
Charlie: I get that Roy’s supposed to be sarcastic right now, but that sounds stupid.
be more important than your daughter." He said, aggravation in his voice.
Enoby: With a dash of horniness.
He started walking towards this very large door.
Charlie: Oh, lovely grammar right there!
"What could possibly be more important?"
Both: *growls*
"This." Said Mustang.
Charlie:THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN A COMMA! SAID ISN’T CAPITALISED!
Enoby: *pats ears* Ouch.
Mustang opened the door, and cut the light on.
Charlie: C and P are nowhere NEAR each other on the keyboard.
What we saw made us all gasp, even Hawkeye and that's not supposed to happen.
Enoby: For a moment there, I forgot who was talking.
To people in an enormous steel cage were to very beautiful beings, a girl and a boy. The girl bored her amethyst eyes into me. We locked gazes.
Enoby: You’re just copy-and-pasting this from earlier.
Charlie: She must've BORED her eyes into me, 'cause I'm nearly falling asleep!
Enoby: *facepalm*
Mustang noticed this, and with a smirk he said:
Charlie: That should be a comma, not a colon.
"She seems to do that with everyone."
Enoby: What a prozzy, lookin' at 'em like that!
I couldn't comprehend what he said until a couple of minutes later.
Enoby: You’ve made Chrono into an idiot...
The girl turned around with a 'humph'.
Charlie: So she stared at them for a few minutes and then turned away? Talk about delayed reaction.
I looked shocked; I could fill it on my features.
Enoby: *snickers* Yeah, I can fill my anger on my features as I read this.
Then I turned to the golden-eyed male, who had pure confusion
Charlie: Of course, it has to be perfect.
Enoby: But, Charlie! He's an ANGEL! He HAS to be perfect!
on his girlish face.
Enoby: Girlish? GIRLISH? BITCH I’LL SCRATCH YOUR EYES OUT!
They had what seemed like collars, or some form of a choker,
Charlie: Well, someone likes BDSM.
Enoby: This isn't abuse! Some guy just really, really likes kinky supermodels!
around their necks with tags attached.
Tag: Sue. If lost please return to Truth at the Gate.
Why would someone treat such wonderful creatures
Enoby: HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT THEY’RE WONDERFUL? THEY JUST HAVE EYES AND HAIR!
like pets? I stumbled to them, unaware of the extended root of a tree.
Charlie: God, EVERYONE is an idiot in this! Chrono is a Colonel, and he doesn’t have any spatial awareness either!
"Watch out for the root, Chrono." It seems that there was an imprint
Enoby: *shudders*
of a certain Colonel's face (Roy) in the soft ground.
Charlie: What was Roy’s face made of? Lead?
"At least I didn't fall face first," I was going to smirk, but a bullet flew past my head.
Enoby: Violence is so funny you guys!
"You could have killed me!"
Charlie: Good.
"Oops…. I missed."
Charlie: Wait, who’s saying that?
Enoby: I don't know... but it ain't Riza Hawkeye.
I gawked at the mentally insane woman in front of me.
Charlie: Is that supposed to be Hawkeye? She isn’t insane you dolt! Also, being insane is a mental condition... so... Chrono’s gawking at a mentally ill mental person?
Then I noticed a soft ruffling;
Enoby: Pfft. Yeah, it WOULD be soft, wouldn’t it? Stupid Sues.
the girl was standing in a torn white dress,
Author: White symbolises angels and purity!!!! The dress being torn symbolises how she fell from heaven!!!!
Charlie: And smashed her face on every tree branch on the way down.
covered in blood.
Author: Blood symbolises pain and blood!
However, what I did fail to see was the golden haired boy in front of her on guard.
Charlie: If you failed to see it, how did you notice it?
The child had something in his eyes;
Ed: WAAAHH! I have sand in my eyes!
I can't tell what it is. It was determination, fear, or a mixture of both.
Charlie: Gee, you can’t tell what it is, but you do know what it is? What’s with the tense change? THIS NARRATION IS HORRIBLE!
Hawkeye aimed her gun again, this time not at me.
Enoby: So it WAS Hawkeye that you called insane. If Roy heard that, he’d torch you, you dick.
Now the sunset girl
SUE.
was the one that showed the most fear,
MarySue: I pooped myself!
it practically radiated off of her.
Chrono: Eugh, she farted!
"At ease Hawkeye" I said.
Enoby: As opposed to at tense Hawkeye.
"Sir, are you sure-" I simply nodded my head, cutting her sentence off.
Canon-Hawkeye: Don’t disrespect me, sir.
"Aren't they beautiful, the wings I mean." Said the Colonel.
Charlie: Which Colonel? And what do these wings look like?
"Yeah they are, but not as gorgeous as Elysia!"
Charlie: HUGHES KNOWS WHEN TO BE SERIOUS, DAMNIT!
Enoby: Yeah, you don't like that they've been treated like pets, but you sure aren't treating them any better!
Hughes said, completely oblivious at the moment of our actual situation. Then suddenly,
Charlie: The girl farted.
Enoby: Oh, you farted again! Remarkable, that is!
I heard the marching of footsteps,
Enoby: That’s it?
and then came the voice of the nonchalant General Hakuro.
Enoby: Why is Hakuro apathetic? What, does he already know what's going on?
Charlie: *whispers* Sequel....
"Hello my good gentlemen.
Charlie: *deadpan* Hakuro is saying this?
Oh! What do we have here?
Hakuro: Oo-hoo-ho-hoo! I'm so ambiguously camp!
Two young people in a cage, huh. Mustang what is your plan?"
Mustang: I’m going to shave them, and take the hair home with me, and I’ll ENJOY IT!
"I'm afraid I don't have one yet, sir."
Enoby: Mustang is useless.
Charlie: I bet he'll wait until Hakuro says something, and goes 'Right, what he said.'
Hakuro sighed," I figured as much. Someone get the paramedics quickly. You! Get something to cut that chain,
Enoby: Oh, it’s not as if they’re ALCHEMISTS or anything! If they’re willing to hand them over to the paramedics, then they should ALSO be willing to let the Alchemists in!
and you can get those kids to stop bleeding."
Enoby: Let Roy torch them.
Charlie: It sounds more like they're inconveniencing them by bleeding. Good job!
I watched many people run around like chickens with their heads cut off.
Enoby: Way to make the situation sound serious.
Another thing I failed to notice, a pool of blood surrounding them.
Charlie: HOW DO YOU MISS THAT? IF THERE WAS A BLOODY POOL OF IT, YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO SMELL IT!
Then the two of them collapsed atop of each other.
Enoby: WOAH! Too much information!
I broke the four locks of cage with my fist
Enoby: Chrono doesn’t have super-strength.
that was now covered in blood.
Charlie: Is he an Alchemist or not?
Roy and I rushed into the cold steel container,
Enoby: Did you do it like headless chickens?
and held them in our arms.
Enoby: These two are like Ariana Black.
Two soldiers walked up to us with bandages to stop the bleeding.
Charlie: Why would they just bring bandages? If paramedics were called, and there are usually first aid kits with soldiers, then there should be alcohol to cleanse the wounds!
The girl shivered below me,
Enoby: EW!
I was scared she might die of hyperthermia.
Charlie: HYPOTHERMIA. Hyperthermia is the OPPOSITE.
Why am I scared for this child, we only just met;
Enoby: You haven't even done that! You stared at each other like morons!
I don't even know her name.
Charlie: Because you have to know someone’s name in order to be justified in being scared for them.
Mustang was fumbling with something made of metal in his hand.
Mustang: If I marry him, he’ll HAVE to consent!
The tags! How could I forget!
Charlie: Probably because the author has reduced you to being senile.
"What's his name?" I asked with a slight smile on my face.
Chrono: I love unconscious boys!
"Edward. I think I'll call him Ed."
Charlie: Roy’s treating a boy he hasn’t spoken to like a dog already. Wow.
"We shouldn't get attached to them. I suppose it is to late though."
Enoby: What? GOD, it’s IMPRINTING!
I said, disappointment in my voice.
Charlie: Chrono wanted to get away. We’ve lost him!
He simply laughed at me.
Enoby: This is funny, you guys!
I did what I normally do when he laughs at me in particular I glared.
Charlie: Mature.
"What's the name of yours?" he asked innocently. I looked for he tag, I found on the ground near her head.
Charlie: *stares* Artimus is officially Chrono’s bitch.
"Artimus. Sun and moon, huh?"(3)
Enoby: WRONG; Artemis. Don't shit on Greek mythology, or I'll start calling you Kate.
"I think they are going to cause trouble." Said Hughes, who I completely forgot about.
Charlie: Chrono, you’re an idiot.
"Yeah, but it'll be worth it in the long run." I know that's the truth. But I just want to know what could have done this to them. Then I heard sirens.
Enoby: Ah sirens. The military version of wedding bells.
"C'mon, the paramedics are already outside." Mustang and I carried them to the ambulance and left not long afterwards with the military.
Charlie: So you don’t stay with them? You said that you were scared for them!
A/N:
(1) PINK, PURPLE, AND BLUE HAIR
Charlie: That’s sun-rise, you dumbass.
(2) YES CHRONO FROM CHRONO CRUSADE! HE IS A COLONEL
Enoby: Ah, but is he still a Demon? That's what I want to know.
(3) NOT SURE IF THAT'S WHAT ARTEMIS MEANS, BUT I SPELLED IT THE WAY I DID JUST TO BE ME. AND I CHOSE SUN AND MOON BECAUSE OF HER AMULET THAT YOU ARE GOING TO FIND OUT ABOUT IN A COUPLE CHAPTERS IF I DECIDE TO CONTINUE
Enoby: Artemis doesn’t mean ‘moon’. She was the Greek goddess of the Hunt and the moon.
Charlie: But she did it to be HER!
Enoby: *growls at him* If the amulet (why is it always an amulet) is a plot point as you make it seem, DON’T BRING IT UP HERE!
PLEASE REVIEW. I NEED INSPIRTION AND OPINIONS.
Charlie: WHY DON’T YOU HAVE AN INDOOR VOICE?