Working it into the ground
I have no idea what I am doing right now, none! Of course this is in relation to the one thing that has plagued my entire adult life, what I do for a living/paycheck and what I want to do for a living, a paycheck, the rest of my life.
Current Job
Pros
Good money (a personal best thus far)
Good schedule (Mon-Fri 8-5, during the summer Mon-Tues 7-5, Fri 8-12 and I don’t use a time clock)
I can workout during lunch (and do)
I can say “fuck” as much as I want or need to
I do not have to hide my tattoos, I can dress any way I want, dye my hair, etc, etc.
Small close-knit company and I generally like my co-workers
Not too much office politics, I have experienced worse in my time for sure
Not mirco-managed at all, freedom to go forward and get shit done, etc.
And it's in the entertainment industry, just not the one I want to be in
Cons
I am in Sales (my 17-year-old self would have killed me on the spot knowing that was to be our fate)
Being in Sales means I have to be fake, super fake. I have to like my retailers (no matter what), I have to get them to like me (no matter what) and when I travel I have to dress for fucking success. I have to make people find me attractive and likeable and by nature I don’t give a shit about such things.
I have sold my soul for a check and abandoned a majority of my dreams because this check has just become too damn important
There is absolutely nothing creative at all about this career nor will there ever be
I travel way too much and to beautiful locations like Grand Rapids, MI; Amarillo, TX; Richmond, VA
I think about work way too much therefore I sacrifice a large part of my personal time and energy which leaves me with little time for other endeavors
I am physically and mentally exhausted/drained on a daily basis
I feel completely under appreciated, not included, overworked and under paid for what I do and how much I put into it
I write in bullet-form for fuck’s sake!!!
I need to find another job!!! It’s just a scary time to do so and I have no idea how the hell I am going to get out of this administrative/sales/office/etc. line of work without going back to finish my degree which is pretty much impossible right now. I need that very hard to find foot-in-the-door. Urgh!
I needed that, I feel at least like it’s all on the table. Now what to do with it?