[Fic] Substitution
Title: Substitution
Rating: R
Fandom: BSG
Pairing: Lee/Kendra, hints at Kara/Lee, Lee/Dee implied
Warnings: Not particularly nice sex
Notes: I've always liked Kendra Shaw, and wished we'd seen more of her. This is a look at what might have happened between her and Lee.
This probably won't make much sense unless you've seen Razor.
Lee doesn't love her. Doesn't even like her that much, really - the only reason she's up here in CIC and not still stuck in the galley is that he'd needed one of Cain's people up here with him to reassure the Pegasus crew that he's not just going to steamroll right over them, and Shaw is damn good at her job. She's smart and professional and cold as ice, and the crew listens to her. She's everything an XO should be.
He watches her.
He knows he shouldn't. He's got Dee back on Galactica, and she's a nice girl. She's nice and he likes her, wants to treat her right (and he's already being unfaithful to her because whenever he kisses sweet, gentle Dee there's that voice in his head chanting KaraKaraKara and gods he can't forget what it had been like to kiss her, feel her smooth skin under his hands and there are times when he thinks no one else will ever be enough), and he knows that the way he looks at Shaw out of the corner of his eye whenever it's quiet isn't exactly professional. But he tells himself that it's okay as long as he doesn't do anything. Which he won't.
Then he realizes that she's watching him back.
* * *
"Something you want to tell me, Commander?"
Shaw's posture is as correct as ever and her face is smooth and impassive as she looks at him. Even though she's his subordinate, Lee feels awkward and embarrassed under her regard. He hasn't forgotten her scathing assessment of Pegasus' previous commanders, and there's a part of him that always wonders what she thinks of him. Probably that he's too soft, unable to make the tough decisions. That he's still just a Daddy's boy who got tossed the keys to a battlestar.
He pushes the reports he's been looking over the side and clears his throat. "Nothing comes to mind, Major. Is there a problem?"
"You've been watching me, sir. If my performance has been lacking, I'd like to know."
Lee resists the urge to fidget. He settles for leaning back in his chair and crossing his hands over his stomach, the picture of easy nonchalance. "No, no complaints."
Shaw waits a beat, her dark eyes unreadable. Then she takes a step back and salutes smartly. "Sir."
Lee lets his breath out in a rush as the hatch closes behind her. He's in trouble.
* * *
He tends to go to the gym late in at night when there's hardly anyone there. Back on Galactica he'd have no problem working out with everyone else, but the rules on the Pegasus are different. This crew is used to Cain's style and they're still sizing him up, figuring out what kind of Commander he is. He can't afford to be overly familiar, not yet. Not until he's more secure.
He's kind of hoping he'll see Kara there, however. She's still his best friend, even if he can't look at her without want throbbing through his veins and making him all mixed up inside. He still appreciates her trademark sarcasm, her unique way of approaching a tricky situation, the sheer vibrancy of her presence. He still likes the way just being around her makes him feel alive, even if it also makes him feel confused and hurt and angry all at once, like he's been doing Picon barrel rolls in his Viper until he doesn't know which way is up.
Kara's not there, but Shaw is. She hasn't noticed him come in, and Lee hangs back for a moment to watch her as she pounds viciously at the punching bag, her normally impassive face twisted up in self-loathing. Wrestling with her inner demons, whatever they are.
Lee doesn't know much about about Shaw's past. He knows she was assigned to the Pegasus right before the attacks and that Cain had thought highly of her, but her actions as an officer during Cain's time in command are an unknown. She must've done something, though - people don't pound away like that if they're not trying to run from something.
He moves forward into her range of her vision and she stops, breathing hard, her chest heaving and her face covered in sweat. She stares back at him defiantly.
Lee moves his fists into a defensive position and rocks back on his heels. "Looks like you could use a partner."
There's something wild in her eyes as she swings at him, and Lee gives as good as he's got back. He can tell she needs something tangible to fight against, and Lee's not going to break. It's good for him, too, to let out some aggression like this, good to punch and kick and block. Shaw's good at hand-to-hand. He hadn't known that about her, but she's impressive in action, all well-coordinated movements and muscles moving smoothly beneath the skin.
She's beautiful. And yeah, he'd known that, it's not like he's blind, but it's different when he's getting up close and personal with her. She's a woman, and not like those girls who've never held a gun and don't have callouses on their hands, who wear fancy tailored suits and high heels instead of military uniforms and combat boots. She's kind of like Kara - intense and complicated, brilliant and unknowable and so very elusive, except that he and Shaw don't have the history he and Kara do. So it's easy to wrap his hand around her wrist and pull her close, just give in to the adrenaline surging through his veins, and kiss her, hard and rough and demanding.
He's not sure if she'll kiss back or punch him in the face. In all honesty, he's kind of expecting the latter. So when her lips part beneath his and her hands reach up to his shoulders, not to push him away but to pull him closer, he's more than a little surprised.
* * *
Lee would've thought that she'd be as distant and unapproachable in bed as she is everywhere else, that he'd have to really work at it to get a reaction out of her, but Shaw surprises him once again. She's wild and demanding, pushing him down onto his back and then riding him, her eyelids fluttering and her head tilted back, dark hair spilling down her back. She doesn't let him touch her, doesn't let him do anything, just takes what she wants until her back arches and she trembles all over and that sets him off, too, and he grabs her hips hard enough to bruise as he thrusts upward.
They don't talk in the aftermath. Shaw just gets dressed and leaves without looking back at him, and Lee is left to stare up at the ceiling and feel the guilt gnawing at his stomach.
Dee, he thinks, because he should, and then, Kara, what would it be like with Kara. Would she be like Shaw, using him for her pleasure and nothing else? Or would she touch him, stroke him, her eyes laughing up at him as she kissed her way down his chest, lower and lower -
When Lee falls asleep, he's never felt so alone.
* * *
The next day in CIC they're both perfectly professional. Shaw looks at him the same way she always has, and he doesn't give any indications that when he looks at her he can't help but think of what she'd looked like naked and sweating. They both know how to do their jobs.
Their eyes meet once, briefly, when they're going over a refueling op, and they both know that it wasn't a one time thing.
* * *
It's easy because there's no love between them. They're just the Commander and the XO blowing off a little steam when the days get long and the stress starts to get to them. He still visits Dee when he gets the chance, and it's sweet and tender and nice between them, even if Lee has to try and ignore the guilt gnawing away at his gut whenever he kisses her.
Kara knows.
She finds him late one night in the gym when Shaw isn't there, struggling to regulate his breathing as he wrestles with the weights. He's concentrating so hard on not slipping up that he doesn't even notice her until she's right next to him, her breath warm on his neck.
"Hey there, Commander."
Lee jumps and almost loses control of the barbell. "Gods-dammit, Kara!" he snaps, and puts it carefully back on the stand before turning to face her. She's got that cocky grin plastered on her face, but it doesn't reach her eyes.
"So tell me, Commander, where's your frak-buddy?"
Lee freezes, just for a second, but it's enough for Kara to know she's scored a hit.
"What, you thought I wouldn't notice? C'mon, Lee, I've known you longer than anyone in the Fleet other than the Old Man. You're like an open book to me."
Lee shrugs and reached for his water bottle. "Just blowing off steam."
"Yeah, I know. Must be tough when your girl's still over on Galactica. I have to wonder though, if she'd still give you that worshipful look if she knew you're frakking Shaw on the side."
Lee grabs her arm and pulls her against him, glaring down at her. She glares right back, angry and belligerent.
Lee's grip tightens. "Would you rather I was frakking you, Kara? Is that what this is about?"
"Frak you, Lee," she hisses, and then they're kissing.
Maybe kissing is a little inaccurate. It's more like they're devouring each other, biting at each other's lips and tearing at their clothes. They're being wild and reckless, months of suppressed hunger coming rushing to the surface, and it's just like that night in the pilot's rec room when they'd been drunk on ambrosia and half-blind with grief. Lee's crowding her up against the wall, pinning her in place - not gonna let you get away this time, Kara, not gonna let you run - and kissing her face, her neck, leaning down to press his lips against her breasts. It's sharp and hot and good, and gods, this is what Lee's been missing, Kara -
She pulls away with a gasp and they stare at each other, chests heaving. The air between them is practically crackling with tension, and Lee wants to reach out to her, pull her against him. But underneath that there's anger pulsing in his veins: how many times are we going to do this, Kara? Pull me close and then push me away?
She gives him one last haunted look and then is gone, leaving him alone and cold.
* * *
That night he pounds into Shaw and she claws at his back with her fingernails until his skin is streaked with red. When he's done she rolls of him and leaves without a word, leaving him empty and ashamed and alone.
I double dog dare you. It seems that all of his problems started with that.
* * *
He sends both of them on the mission to recover the crew of their missing Raptor. He gives the order for Kara to stay behind. Shaw stays behind instead, activates the nuke, and sacrifices her own life in the process.
Maybe she had it coming, says Kara, and Lee thinks that maybe she's right.
They all have it coming.
Rating: R
Fandom: BSG
Pairing: Lee/Kendra, hints at Kara/Lee, Lee/Dee implied
Warnings: Not particularly nice sex
Notes: I've always liked Kendra Shaw, and wished we'd seen more of her. This is a look at what might have happened between her and Lee.
This probably won't make much sense unless you've seen Razor.
Lee doesn't love her. Doesn't even like her that much, really - the only reason she's up here in CIC and not still stuck in the galley is that he'd needed one of Cain's people up here with him to reassure the Pegasus crew that he's not just going to steamroll right over them, and Shaw is damn good at her job. She's smart and professional and cold as ice, and the crew listens to her. She's everything an XO should be.
He watches her.
He knows he shouldn't. He's got Dee back on Galactica, and she's a nice girl. She's nice and he likes her, wants to treat her right (and he's already being unfaithful to her because whenever he kisses sweet, gentle Dee there's that voice in his head chanting KaraKaraKara and gods he can't forget what it had been like to kiss her, feel her smooth skin under his hands and there are times when he thinks no one else will ever be enough), and he knows that the way he looks at Shaw out of the corner of his eye whenever it's quiet isn't exactly professional. But he tells himself that it's okay as long as he doesn't do anything. Which he won't.
Then he realizes that she's watching him back.
* * *
"Something you want to tell me, Commander?"
Shaw's posture is as correct as ever and her face is smooth and impassive as she looks at him. Even though she's his subordinate, Lee feels awkward and embarrassed under her regard. He hasn't forgotten her scathing assessment of Pegasus' previous commanders, and there's a part of him that always wonders what she thinks of him. Probably that he's too soft, unable to make the tough decisions. That he's still just a Daddy's boy who got tossed the keys to a battlestar.
He pushes the reports he's been looking over the side and clears his throat. "Nothing comes to mind, Major. Is there a problem?"
"You've been watching me, sir. If my performance has been lacking, I'd like to know."
Lee resists the urge to fidget. He settles for leaning back in his chair and crossing his hands over his stomach, the picture of easy nonchalance. "No, no complaints."
Shaw waits a beat, her dark eyes unreadable. Then she takes a step back and salutes smartly. "Sir."
Lee lets his breath out in a rush as the hatch closes behind her. He's in trouble.
* * *
He tends to go to the gym late in at night when there's hardly anyone there. Back on Galactica he'd have no problem working out with everyone else, but the rules on the Pegasus are different. This crew is used to Cain's style and they're still sizing him up, figuring out what kind of Commander he is. He can't afford to be overly familiar, not yet. Not until he's more secure.
He's kind of hoping he'll see Kara there, however. She's still his best friend, even if he can't look at her without want throbbing through his veins and making him all mixed up inside. He still appreciates her trademark sarcasm, her unique way of approaching a tricky situation, the sheer vibrancy of her presence. He still likes the way just being around her makes him feel alive, even if it also makes him feel confused and hurt and angry all at once, like he's been doing Picon barrel rolls in his Viper until he doesn't know which way is up.
Kara's not there, but Shaw is. She hasn't noticed him come in, and Lee hangs back for a moment to watch her as she pounds viciously at the punching bag, her normally impassive face twisted up in self-loathing. Wrestling with her inner demons, whatever they are.
Lee doesn't know much about about Shaw's past. He knows she was assigned to the Pegasus right before the attacks and that Cain had thought highly of her, but her actions as an officer during Cain's time in command are an unknown. She must've done something, though - people don't pound away like that if they're not trying to run from something.
He moves forward into her range of her vision and she stops, breathing hard, her chest heaving and her face covered in sweat. She stares back at him defiantly.
Lee moves his fists into a defensive position and rocks back on his heels. "Looks like you could use a partner."
There's something wild in her eyes as she swings at him, and Lee gives as good as he's got back. He can tell she needs something tangible to fight against, and Lee's not going to break. It's good for him, too, to let out some aggression like this, good to punch and kick and block. Shaw's good at hand-to-hand. He hadn't known that about her, but she's impressive in action, all well-coordinated movements and muscles moving smoothly beneath the skin.
She's beautiful. And yeah, he'd known that, it's not like he's blind, but it's different when he's getting up close and personal with her. She's a woman, and not like those girls who've never held a gun and don't have callouses on their hands, who wear fancy tailored suits and high heels instead of military uniforms and combat boots. She's kind of like Kara - intense and complicated, brilliant and unknowable and so very elusive, except that he and Shaw don't have the history he and Kara do. So it's easy to wrap his hand around her wrist and pull her close, just give in to the adrenaline surging through his veins, and kiss her, hard and rough and demanding.
He's not sure if she'll kiss back or punch him in the face. In all honesty, he's kind of expecting the latter. So when her lips part beneath his and her hands reach up to his shoulders, not to push him away but to pull him closer, he's more than a little surprised.
* * *
Lee would've thought that she'd be as distant and unapproachable in bed as she is everywhere else, that he'd have to really work at it to get a reaction out of her, but Shaw surprises him once again. She's wild and demanding, pushing him down onto his back and then riding him, her eyelids fluttering and her head tilted back, dark hair spilling down her back. She doesn't let him touch her, doesn't let him do anything, just takes what she wants until her back arches and she trembles all over and that sets him off, too, and he grabs her hips hard enough to bruise as he thrusts upward.
They don't talk in the aftermath. Shaw just gets dressed and leaves without looking back at him, and Lee is left to stare up at the ceiling and feel the guilt gnawing at his stomach.
Dee, he thinks, because he should, and then, Kara, what would it be like with Kara. Would she be like Shaw, using him for her pleasure and nothing else? Or would she touch him, stroke him, her eyes laughing up at him as she kissed her way down his chest, lower and lower -
When Lee falls asleep, he's never felt so alone.
* * *
The next day in CIC they're both perfectly professional. Shaw looks at him the same way she always has, and he doesn't give any indications that when he looks at her he can't help but think of what she'd looked like naked and sweating. They both know how to do their jobs.
Their eyes meet once, briefly, when they're going over a refueling op, and they both know that it wasn't a one time thing.
* * *
It's easy because there's no love between them. They're just the Commander and the XO blowing off a little steam when the days get long and the stress starts to get to them. He still visits Dee when he gets the chance, and it's sweet and tender and nice between them, even if Lee has to try and ignore the guilt gnawing away at his gut whenever he kisses her.
Kara knows.
She finds him late one night in the gym when Shaw isn't there, struggling to regulate his breathing as he wrestles with the weights. He's concentrating so hard on not slipping up that he doesn't even notice her until she's right next to him, her breath warm on his neck.
"Hey there, Commander."
Lee jumps and almost loses control of the barbell. "Gods-dammit, Kara!" he snaps, and puts it carefully back on the stand before turning to face her. She's got that cocky grin plastered on her face, but it doesn't reach her eyes.
"So tell me, Commander, where's your frak-buddy?"
Lee freezes, just for a second, but it's enough for Kara to know she's scored a hit.
"What, you thought I wouldn't notice? C'mon, Lee, I've known you longer than anyone in the Fleet other than the Old Man. You're like an open book to me."
Lee shrugs and reached for his water bottle. "Just blowing off steam."
"Yeah, I know. Must be tough when your girl's still over on Galactica. I have to wonder though, if she'd still give you that worshipful look if she knew you're frakking Shaw on the side."
Lee grabs her arm and pulls her against him, glaring down at her. She glares right back, angry and belligerent.
Lee's grip tightens. "Would you rather I was frakking you, Kara? Is that what this is about?"
"Frak you, Lee," she hisses, and then they're kissing.
Maybe kissing is a little inaccurate. It's more like they're devouring each other, biting at each other's lips and tearing at their clothes. They're being wild and reckless, months of suppressed hunger coming rushing to the surface, and it's just like that night in the pilot's rec room when they'd been drunk on ambrosia and half-blind with grief. Lee's crowding her up against the wall, pinning her in place - not gonna let you get away this time, Kara, not gonna let you run - and kissing her face, her neck, leaning down to press his lips against her breasts. It's sharp and hot and good, and gods, this is what Lee's been missing, Kara -
She pulls away with a gasp and they stare at each other, chests heaving. The air between them is practically crackling with tension, and Lee wants to reach out to her, pull her against him. But underneath that there's anger pulsing in his veins: how many times are we going to do this, Kara? Pull me close and then push me away?
She gives him one last haunted look and then is gone, leaving him alone and cold.
* * *
That night he pounds into Shaw and she claws at his back with her fingernails until his skin is streaked with red. When he's done she rolls of him and leaves without a word, leaving him empty and ashamed and alone.
I double dog dare you. It seems that all of his problems started with that.
* * *
He sends both of them on the mission to recover the crew of their missing Raptor. He gives the order for Kara to stay behind. Shaw stays behind instead, activates the nuke, and sacrifices her own life in the process.
Maybe she had it coming, says Kara, and Lee thinks that maybe she's right.
They all have it coming.