(no subject)
i really should have written about this at the time, but...i didn't. anyway, i went to a funeral a week or two ago, and it really helped me think through a few things. i've been having issues (to put it lightly) with the religion with which i grew up (roman catholic) for a while now. if it wasn't enough that i'm a woman, i'm also queer, which really doesn't compute when you add in catholic.
i honestly don't believe in all of the jesus hoopla in the church. what i mean by that is, while i believe that jesus existed and was fabulous as far as promoting pacifism, acceptance, and compassion, i don't think he was the "son of god" in any way beyond that in which we are all children of god. my opinion on this matter has been influenced quite a bit by the knowledge that the trinity is simply a manufactured idea, put together to placate potential converts who preferred polytheistic worship. now, i can understand why a fledgling faith may have to make certain concessions in order to survive in a not-especially-accepting world; however, once that climate no longer exists, the faith should return to its roots, not continue on as if the alterations were always a part of the plan.
of course, the place (or lack thereof) for women in the church pisses me off to no end, as does the virgin/whore dichotomy that directly impacts it. i won't even attempt to go into the church's stance on abortion or gays, because it is pretty pointless.
however i do find it interesting that, while a bunch of women were excommunicated for being ordained as priests and trying to serve their communities, male priests who have repeatedly molested children are given chance after chance, not only to remain members of the catholic community in general, but to remain in their positions of power, which give them easy access to young, impressionable children in an environment centered around fear, silence, and unquestioned obedience and respect for authority.
i think that i've finally, after a few years of trying to figure out what place the church had in my life, discovered where the church fits. i simply need to view it as a community - a community of support and caring, which comes together when you need it most. don't get me wrong: i know that if i came out to the parish in which i grew up, there would be no compassion or understanding. i would be an outcast, without doubt. this dysfunction is inherent in my relationship, not only with the church, but also with my family. i have ceased relying on my family for emotional support, or even advice, but can still see a value in that aspect of the church, even though i cannot truly be myself when i'm in catholic-ennyl mode. it's this tenuous relationship that i've resigned myself to. i now understand why, even though they may have serious issues with regards to the church's views on many things, people come back to the community.
i do belong to a community (parish) during certain months of the year, in which i have found some friends and definite avenues of support and advice. i would never rely on my family for such things.
so, i've basically recognized and accepted (for the time being, at least) my need for a community, such as the church offers. this is especially important for me now, since i recently moved from a predominately gay area to a straighter-than-straight area. although i have never been really "active" in the gay community (excuses abound as to why: school responsibilities, work commitments, too hot out, don't know how to get involved), i did revel in the openness and community-ness of the area, and sincerely miss it.
all in all, i'm glad i went to the funeral. i've definitely sorted some things out for myself. however, my attitude on this matter will probably change...who knows?
i honestly don't believe in all of the jesus hoopla in the church. what i mean by that is, while i believe that jesus existed and was fabulous as far as promoting pacifism, acceptance, and compassion, i don't think he was the "son of god" in any way beyond that in which we are all children of god. my opinion on this matter has been influenced quite a bit by the knowledge that the trinity is simply a manufactured idea, put together to placate potential converts who preferred polytheistic worship. now, i can understand why a fledgling faith may have to make certain concessions in order to survive in a not-especially-accepting world; however, once that climate no longer exists, the faith should return to its roots, not continue on as if the alterations were always a part of the plan.
of course, the place (or lack thereof) for women in the church pisses me off to no end, as does the virgin/whore dichotomy that directly impacts it. i won't even attempt to go into the church's stance on abortion or gays, because it is pretty pointless.
however i do find it interesting that, while a bunch of women were excommunicated for being ordained as priests and trying to serve their communities, male priests who have repeatedly molested children are given chance after chance, not only to remain members of the catholic community in general, but to remain in their positions of power, which give them easy access to young, impressionable children in an environment centered around fear, silence, and unquestioned obedience and respect for authority.
i think that i've finally, after a few years of trying to figure out what place the church had in my life, discovered where the church fits. i simply need to view it as a community - a community of support and caring, which comes together when you need it most. don't get me wrong: i know that if i came out to the parish in which i grew up, there would be no compassion or understanding. i would be an outcast, without doubt. this dysfunction is inherent in my relationship, not only with the church, but also with my family. i have ceased relying on my family for emotional support, or even advice, but can still see a value in that aspect of the church, even though i cannot truly be myself when i'm in catholic-ennyl mode. it's this tenuous relationship that i've resigned myself to. i now understand why, even though they may have serious issues with regards to the church's views on many things, people come back to the community.
i do belong to a community (parish) during certain months of the year, in which i have found some friends and definite avenues of support and advice. i would never rely on my family for such things.
so, i've basically recognized and accepted (for the time being, at least) my need for a community, such as the church offers. this is especially important for me now, since i recently moved from a predominately gay area to a straighter-than-straight area. although i have never been really "active" in the gay community (excuses abound as to why: school responsibilities, work commitments, too hot out, don't know how to get involved), i did revel in the openness and community-ness of the area, and sincerely miss it.
all in all, i'm glad i went to the funeral. i've definitely sorted some things out for myself. however, my attitude on this matter will probably change...who knows?