old friend.
I used to come here to write these things, I've found they are for myself. I need to write it down and voice it for myself.
I'm tired.
Tired of making the effort. Playing the games. Trying to create attraction. Looking. Being rejected.
Tired.
It seems mere moments of fleeting happiness are separated by lengthy periods of pure loneliness. I want to stop looking and trying. I can't. I want not to care when someone shows the slightest bit of interest. I can't. I want to stop feeling things. I can't.
People will tell me the ability to feel these feelings is my biggest asset. I don't care. What does it do for me? Nothing. I'm seen as weak, not worth the time or effort, just because I'm not enough of an asshole to keep someone's attention for more than a couple of days.
There's no room for nice guys. They always come last. No matter what anyone ever tells you, nice guys always end up in the shitter. Because you are kind. Because you can feel. You are weak. These are your downfalls, your liabilities. They only serve to give you years of disappointment and heartache, pain that helps you in no way in the end.
I'm tired of feeling.
I'm tired.
Tired of making the effort. Playing the games. Trying to create attraction. Looking. Being rejected.
Tired.
It seems mere moments of fleeting happiness are separated by lengthy periods of pure loneliness. I want to stop looking and trying. I can't. I want not to care when someone shows the slightest bit of interest. I can't. I want to stop feeling things. I can't.
People will tell me the ability to feel these feelings is my biggest asset. I don't care. What does it do for me? Nothing. I'm seen as weak, not worth the time or effort, just because I'm not enough of an asshole to keep someone's attention for more than a couple of days.
There's no room for nice guys. They always come last. No matter what anyone ever tells you, nice guys always end up in the shitter. Because you are kind. Because you can feel. You are weak. These are your downfalls, your liabilities. They only serve to give you years of disappointment and heartache, pain that helps you in no way in the end.
I'm tired of feeling.