Hello there folks
Hi. I'm still in Jackson. I'm not having a fantastic past two weeks or so, and I think I miss my family and friends a bit more than usual these days. Saturday was really nice, though, which was pretty unexpected. It was cool having someone besides my next of kin remember. That's always hurtful to me, because I usually at least make a card or call or something for others and it's not so often the other way around. It always makes me hate myself because I end up being mad at my "friends" and I get to questioning why I can't just attract more thoughtful people. But this year's was actually really lovely. I got treated like a princess all day.
I had a really perverted sexual dream last night that involved a lion and an audience, and in the dream I was having a great time so when I woke up this morning I cried a lot because I realized that I purposely (subconsiously) left an ending out of the dream because I didn't want to ruin the dream. That was vague but this is the internet and I'm not about to post every little detail of what I think about sex. Which is a lot, lately. Like maybe I shouldn't be having any at all. Don't ask, and I'm not kidding. This is a me post by the way.
I've run into a pretty ugly bout of self-dislike lately, and I'm not exactly sure what caused it. It sucks a lot for a whole slew of reasons, but mostly because it was so unexpected because it'd been so long since I haven't liked myself. I'm not much fun to be around because all I do is cry a lot. At everything. The things that make me really truly ridiculously happy these days, like our Christmas tree, even get me sobbing. So it's not like I'm always down; it's more like either way I'm overflowing with tears. I really don't like crying; crying makes my head feel really stuffed up and whatever almost-cold symptons I have mutate into a temporary flu . . . And it doesn't exactly look attractive, either, which isn't helpful if you're feeling ugly in the first place.
Jobs are a pain in the ass these days. One boss is a drunk and stole some of my next-to-nothing-anyway tips and steals beer and money from work and clocks in and doesn't do anything and is a general dick with no manners who can't not lie about the dumbest things. I talked to his supervisor the other day right after walking off the job. My other boss gives me only 32 hours a week when I could be doing 40 in the same number of shifts, and if I were doing forty, then maybe I wouldn't have to worry about another job at all. But I do, and apparently I'm not getting my old one back as promised (being strung along is no fun when you're already not feeling ueber-self-confident and the news is broken to you by your former co-workers because of ex-boss' said stringing-along) and my new one means I need to put in three days just to get 11 or 12 hours, which is pretty hard considering the Mini-Mart graveyards.
I'm really exhausted right now, and I got 14 hours of sleep last night. I just want to have a nice Christmas. And a couple of happy days in a row.
Catch up with ya'll later, hopefully with some upbeat news or stories. Real quick, here's some excitement: I got very pissed at some drunks at Mini-Mart the other night and called the cops on them and they were loud and mean and scary and two went to jail and the whole thing was, at the time anyway, really empowering.
Peace, ya'll. Happy Christmas/Hannukah/Whatever-Else-You-Just-Might-Be-Celebrating.
I had a really perverted sexual dream last night that involved a lion and an audience, and in the dream I was having a great time so when I woke up this morning I cried a lot because I realized that I purposely (subconsiously) left an ending out of the dream because I didn't want to ruin the dream. That was vague but this is the internet and I'm not about to post every little detail of what I think about sex. Which is a lot, lately. Like maybe I shouldn't be having any at all. Don't ask, and I'm not kidding. This is a me post by the way.
I've run into a pretty ugly bout of self-dislike lately, and I'm not exactly sure what caused it. It sucks a lot for a whole slew of reasons, but mostly because it was so unexpected because it'd been so long since I haven't liked myself. I'm not much fun to be around because all I do is cry a lot. At everything. The things that make me really truly ridiculously happy these days, like our Christmas tree, even get me sobbing. So it's not like I'm always down; it's more like either way I'm overflowing with tears. I really don't like crying; crying makes my head feel really stuffed up and whatever almost-cold symptons I have mutate into a temporary flu . . . And it doesn't exactly look attractive, either, which isn't helpful if you're feeling ugly in the first place.
Jobs are a pain in the ass these days. One boss is a drunk and stole some of my next-to-nothing-anyway tips and steals beer and money from work and clocks in and doesn't do anything and is a general dick with no manners who can't not lie about the dumbest things. I talked to his supervisor the other day right after walking off the job. My other boss gives me only 32 hours a week when I could be doing 40 in the same number of shifts, and if I were doing forty, then maybe I wouldn't have to worry about another job at all. But I do, and apparently I'm not getting my old one back as promised (being strung along is no fun when you're already not feeling ueber-self-confident and the news is broken to you by your former co-workers because of ex-boss' said stringing-along) and my new one means I need to put in three days just to get 11 or 12 hours, which is pretty hard considering the Mini-Mart graveyards.
I'm really exhausted right now, and I got 14 hours of sleep last night. I just want to have a nice Christmas. And a couple of happy days in a row.
Catch up with ya'll later, hopefully with some upbeat news or stories. Real quick, here's some excitement: I got very pissed at some drunks at Mini-Mart the other night and called the cops on them and they were loud and mean and scary and two went to jail and the whole thing was, at the time anyway, really empowering.
Peace, ya'll. Happy Christmas/Hannukah/Whatever-Else-You-Just-Might-Be-Celebrating.