2nd language, introversion
a speaker once said that when learning a new language we sometimes end up creating a 2nd identity for ourselves. A君 also mentioned something similar last night. It applies to him, and i know it applies to me as well.
speaking english just brings out the more bubbly n child-like side of me; i sound a whole lot calmer and more mature when speaking chinese. but at the same time, i'm funnier in chinese, probably just because i can use the language better. i have a good control of my voice with chinese; but my pitch just goes all over the place with english. i offend ppl in english while i comfort ppl in chinese.
that night, when i was trying to express myself, my words just lost half of their meaning when they had to come out in english. the impact was minimal, and i could only let my tears convey what was lost while the person held me tight in his arms. it's a pity that he'll probably never see the whole me since english will most likely remain as his only language.
but in the meantime, as english gradually becomes my dominant language, i feel that i'm losing [EDIT: L just read this and told me that it's losing, not loosing, hahaha, oy this is why my writing scores never improve...] not just my fluency in chinese, but also the personality that came with it. not sure if that's good or bad...maybe my personality change actually has little to do with the languages.
i so want to merge the two so i wouldn't loose either. i guess that's why i'm here writing this sappy entry in english, haha. i actually deleted what i typed in chinese and rewrote it using english.
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it wasn't until last year that i learned introversion doesn't equate shyness. what differs an introvert from an extrovert is the direction of energy flow. introverts can be just as socially skilled as extroverts, but they're just more likely to get tired from the social interactions. as an introvert myself, it can get really tiring talking to another introvert if they don't shift their energy outward. then i'd usually end up playing the more extroverted role...
i wonder whether this is all innate or not, would it be possible for an introvert to somehow turn into an extrovert? sure, i know we all probably have a little of both -version in us...but say, if one day our thoughts and emotional needs are well taken care of so that our own insecurities/fears/doubts no longer get in the way of active listening, would it then be more natural/more likely/easier for us to direct our energy outward and attend to others' thoughts and emotions? or is it that for introverts, our own needs will always dominate no matter what?
N offered an interesting theory a while back. it's easier for him to be an extrovert probably because that way he wouldn't have to deal with his own issues and he tends to reach outwardly to get his needs met. i must say, it's quite nice when i had someone else to take care of my emotional needs and provide security. i almost got too used to the comfort that i went through withdrawal symptoms after the person left, hehe.
now it's time to grow up and learn to take care of myself and others.
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http://community.livejournal.com/ucberkeley/2167956.html
word (...is bond, hahahaha, oh my financial strategy final...)
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speaking english just brings out the more bubbly n child-like side of me; i sound a whole lot calmer and more mature when speaking chinese. but at the same time, i'm funnier in chinese, probably just because i can use the language better. i have a good control of my voice with chinese; but my pitch just goes all over the place with english. i offend ppl in english while i comfort ppl in chinese.
that night, when i was trying to express myself, my words just lost half of their meaning when they had to come out in english. the impact was minimal, and i could only let my tears convey what was lost while the person held me tight in his arms. it's a pity that he'll probably never see the whole me since english will most likely remain as his only language.
but in the meantime, as english gradually becomes my dominant language, i feel that i'm losing [EDIT: L just read this and told me that it's losing, not loosing, hahaha, oy this is why my writing scores never improve...] not just my fluency in chinese, but also the personality that came with it. not sure if that's good or bad...maybe my personality change actually has little to do with the languages.
i so want to merge the two so i wouldn't loose either. i guess that's why i'm here writing this sappy entry in english, haha. i actually deleted what i typed in chinese and rewrote it using english.
-----------------------------------------
it wasn't until last year that i learned introversion doesn't equate shyness. what differs an introvert from an extrovert is the direction of energy flow. introverts can be just as socially skilled as extroverts, but they're just more likely to get tired from the social interactions. as an introvert myself, it can get really tiring talking to another introvert if they don't shift their energy outward. then i'd usually end up playing the more extroverted role...
i wonder whether this is all innate or not, would it be possible for an introvert to somehow turn into an extrovert? sure, i know we all probably have a little of both -version in us...but say, if one day our thoughts and emotional needs are well taken care of so that our own insecurities/fears/doubts no longer get in the way of active listening, would it then be more natural/more likely/easier for us to direct our energy outward and attend to others' thoughts and emotions? or is it that for introverts, our own needs will always dominate no matter what?
N offered an interesting theory a while back. it's easier for him to be an extrovert probably because that way he wouldn't have to deal with his own issues and he tends to reach outwardly to get his needs met. i must say, it's quite nice when i had someone else to take care of my emotional needs and provide security. i almost got too used to the comfort that i went through withdrawal symptoms after the person left, hehe.
now it's time to grow up and learn to take care of myself and others.
-----------------------------------------
http://community.livejournal.com/ucberkeley/2167956.html
word (...is bond, hahahaha, oh my financial strategy final...)
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