what a whacko
that's how i feel about myself lately. all the work and school and alone time is catching up to me. this is getting hard to handle. i need something to get me going, something good.
i had this random idea reminicent of a real world type scenario. 12 friends drop out, live life to the fullest, doing what they want, not what society expects of us nowadays (degrees, suit 'n' ties, wife and kids, investments and big business, retirement and death). fuck all that. that's how i felt. i'm not fascinated by accounting, yet i major in it. i could give 2 shits about hold to maturity securities. anyway, the layout of the house situation was far too detailed for me to think of in 3 miles driving time. i'm losing it.
last night i wasn't happy with n e thing. it was a mess. ask rachel (about the house thing too). not happy with the major, not knowing what i'm doing or where i'm going, not happy with society's expectations, work, the single life (the grass is always greener on the otherside i know, but right now the blades are glittering gold alright).
i'd say i was seeing someone for a while but u can hardly call it that. hung out once a month, max. treated her as though we were seeing eachother: random flowers, charm, little stuff to make her smile. then she insults me in front of my co-workers. that set me off. you gotta be fuckin' stupid to do something like that, especially when she's got enough shit on her head to coat Mt. Rushmore 10 times over. didn't get to shit on her face in public but i left her a message (she doesn't answer her phone either by the way), the best part was: "i treat you better than you deserve because you don't appreciate shit." harsh, i know, but if you only knew. i don't know what i was doing with such a doochbag. my friends even told me they were dissappointed in my choice of attempting with her. that's pretty bad. just cause of how she is and her habits and how she's the complete opposite of me. i'm glad they told me though. makes me realize more so that i need to wait for someone much better. it's so hard to wait though. waiting adds to my exhaustion.
i want to be on the beach. i want to think about the sound of the waves breaking on the beach and nothing else. the wind carrying the mist of the oceans foam to my face. clear blue skies and the hot sun warming the sand between my toes. there is not a better place in this world. if you can find a more natural drug/alcohol free way to free your mind, you as crazy as me for not being on ur own little haven right now.
last night ordered a hot chocolate, a small hot fudge sundae, and a side of happiness. that was really what i ordered. i got a weird look and no side dish. try try again.
i had this random idea reminicent of a real world type scenario. 12 friends drop out, live life to the fullest, doing what they want, not what society expects of us nowadays (degrees, suit 'n' ties, wife and kids, investments and big business, retirement and death). fuck all that. that's how i felt. i'm not fascinated by accounting, yet i major in it. i could give 2 shits about hold to maturity securities. anyway, the layout of the house situation was far too detailed for me to think of in 3 miles driving time. i'm losing it.
last night i wasn't happy with n e thing. it was a mess. ask rachel (about the house thing too). not happy with the major, not knowing what i'm doing or where i'm going, not happy with society's expectations, work, the single life (the grass is always greener on the otherside i know, but right now the blades are glittering gold alright).
i'd say i was seeing someone for a while but u can hardly call it that. hung out once a month, max. treated her as though we were seeing eachother: random flowers, charm, little stuff to make her smile. then she insults me in front of my co-workers. that set me off. you gotta be fuckin' stupid to do something like that, especially when she's got enough shit on her head to coat Mt. Rushmore 10 times over. didn't get to shit on her face in public but i left her a message (she doesn't answer her phone either by the way), the best part was: "i treat you better than you deserve because you don't appreciate shit." harsh, i know, but if you only knew. i don't know what i was doing with such a doochbag. my friends even told me they were dissappointed in my choice of attempting with her. that's pretty bad. just cause of how she is and her habits and how she's the complete opposite of me. i'm glad they told me though. makes me realize more so that i need to wait for someone much better. it's so hard to wait though. waiting adds to my exhaustion.
i want to be on the beach. i want to think about the sound of the waves breaking on the beach and nothing else. the wind carrying the mist of the oceans foam to my face. clear blue skies and the hot sun warming the sand between my toes. there is not a better place in this world. if you can find a more natural drug/alcohol free way to free your mind, you as crazy as me for not being on ur own little haven right now.
last night ordered a hot chocolate, a small hot fudge sundae, and a side of happiness. that was really what i ordered. i got a weird look and no side dish. try try again.