(no subject)
I've always secretly been a paranoid worrier, especially when it came to interaction with others that's important to me. I've always felt dumb about it. More and more, though, I realize I have a reason to be. Sometimes, more often than not lately, it seems, the ridiculous things I've been paranoid about, when everyone tells me not to worry, have been coming true.
It's for the best though.
I really don't get how an expectation from the entire summer could be flipped around so quickly, without warning or even an explanation. And it hurts. To be perfectly honest, though, I started expecting it awhile ago. Over a month ago. I had a feeling nothing would work out the way I wanted it but I convinced myself that that was just me being stupid/crazy/paranoid. So I kept pretending I thought it was all going to work out. I got more attached and then, inevitably, I got hurt. I wish I could question myself as to why I didn't see it coming...but I did see it. So I have to ask why I didn't do anything about it. I keep trying to not think about it but it doesn't work that well. It's not that easy and I don't know if I even want to. I'm done making an effort at all though. I'm done calling, texting, messaging. The ball is in his court. I don't even know how much I still desire a friendship with him. I guess I'll worry about that if and when he says he wants to be my friend...
I guess it's for the best. I mean, who wants to date a guy who's shorter than you, anyway?
It's for the best though.
I really don't get how an expectation from the entire summer could be flipped around so quickly, without warning or even an explanation. And it hurts. To be perfectly honest, though, I started expecting it awhile ago. Over a month ago. I had a feeling nothing would work out the way I wanted it but I convinced myself that that was just me being stupid/crazy/paranoid. So I kept pretending I thought it was all going to work out. I got more attached and then, inevitably, I got hurt. I wish I could question myself as to why I didn't see it coming...but I did see it. So I have to ask why I didn't do anything about it. I keep trying to not think about it but it doesn't work that well. It's not that easy and I don't know if I even want to. I'm done making an effort at all though. I'm done calling, texting, messaging. The ball is in his court. I don't even know how much I still desire a friendship with him. I guess I'll worry about that if and when he says he wants to be my friend...
I guess it's for the best. I mean, who wants to date a guy who's shorter than you, anyway?