In which Michael pays her a visit
[Cowritten with feel_theburn. Follows THIS.]
Michael had struck gold with that one number. He almost felt like an idiot that it had been that simple. One call to this Gert woman and he had Bela's New York address. Of course, Gert had called her Alex, but that didn't surprise Mike. She'd given him another name when they first met. The way Gert spoke of "Alex" made Mike ponder - not for the first time - just what Bela did, but he wasn't going to ask. This was Bela. He wasn't going to betray her by sneaking information about her. Well...other than her address.
Without Carla, Vincent, or the others on his tail, Mike was able to make the drive north. He left the morning after he spoke to Gert, first meeting with Sam's friend as promised. By the time he got to New York, the day had gone and he was exhausted. The majority of his trip had been driven in the rain. He was sore. He was hungry. It didn't matter. He just needed to find her.
Once he pulled into the city and wound his way through the streets, he found a parking spot free a couple blocks from her building. Apperently you had to have a guest pass to park in her building's garage, and since she didn't know he was coming...
He walked the few blocks in the rain, and of course it picked up right away. He ignored the funny looks the doorman gave him and went right for the elevator, shaking himself off. Act like you belong there and no one will question it. Average people don't remember faces nearly as well as they like to believe.
His heart pounded hard in his chest as he stepped onto her floor. He shook himself off again and looked down. There wasn't much he could do about it. His hands moved through his hair to shake some of the water out as he moved for her door. He took a breath and knock, standing tall and determined. Inside he was scared...partly of the situation itself, but mostly of Bela and what she would do when she saw him.
Bela had just finished a seance. She was getting ready to start on another job and had just managed to locate the item when there was a knock on the door. She rolled her eyes slightly at the intrusion, but didn't bother to turn on the lights. She could see well enough in the candle light, and she made her way to the door, pulling it open and freezing completely when she saw who was behind it. "Michael!"
He kept his composure, but his eyes softened quite a bit. He slipped his hands into his pockets and looked around. "Nice place."
"What are you doing here?" she said, not making any move to let him in until she knew what he wanted.
With a slow nod, he cut off the bullshit and looked down at his feet. He thought for a moment before looking back up to her. "Come home, Bela," he said gently.
It took her a moment, before she swallowed, stepping away from the door as she regained her composure. "This is my home, Michael. So I'm not quite sure what you mean by that."
"With me," he said in a certain tone. "Home is with me."
She crossed her arms in front of her chest and narrowed her eyes. "And why would I want to do that?"
"I'm sorry for what I said, Bela." He kept his voice firm. He had to, really. It was the only thing holding him together. "I thought you would be safer away from me and Miami."
"So you tell me that you don't want me in order to get me to leave? That was your best plan?" She didn't bother to try and hide that she was hurt by this. "I told you to stop calling me, Michael. That extended to surprise visits as well." She didn't even want to find out how he got the address. She knew she wasn't going to like it.
"It was better than Carla killing you, yes," he said, his voice rising. "And, yes. You said not to call. You said nothing about not visiting. Can't read your mind over the phone." He might have had a slight smart ass smirk on his lips.
"I said that I didn't want to have contact anymore, Michael, and you don't know that she would have killed me," Bela said stubbornly. "You know nothing about me. I'm harder to kill than you think."
His eyes darkened slightly. "I don't know that she wouldn't have. Ask Victor if he'd ever trust those odds again. Even if you can handle yourself. Which I don't doubt you can, but I couldn't risk that with Carla! You never would have gone somewhere safe, Bela! All you had to do was go with Mom and Sam, but you wouldn't." His face was falling a bit as his hands moved with his words. "You...weren't...letting me keep you safe." The last part came out quiet and strangled. His face was pretty much broken as he stared her down. "What was I supposed to do?"
"You were supposed to let me make that choice," Bela said with a glare. "Not make it for me. And I never asked you to keep me safe. I've been alone for as long as I can remember. I know how to keep myself safe."
"I can't...not take care of the people I care about," he said gently, his body relaxing a bit. "What is wrong with me wanting you to be safe? To not have to protect yourself?" His eyes dropped, as did his voice. "Why..." his hand ran over his face and his fingers squeezed over his eyes. "I want to be the person who takes care of you, even if you don't need it."
Oh, Bela wanted that. But it'd been a long time since someone had tried to take care of her. And letting someone take care of her usually ended badly. "Because I don't like being pushed out of the way like I'm not capable, Michael. You can't protect everyone, and telling someone that you don't want them doesn't keep them from getting hurt."
He frowned, his forehead wrinkling. "And..that kind of hurt...it can't hurt if you care." He stepped closer, bracing his hand to the doorframe and looking down at her. "I handled it wrong, and I'm sorry, but I can't take it back." He watched her closely. "You're capable, Bela, but...don't you ever want to not...have to fight?" His voice went gentle. "Just...be the beautiful woman the jackass of a man comes home to? Every. Single. Day."
"No," she said softly. "Because that's never been all I am. I'm not just anything because things aren't that simple."
"Bela." Her name came out in a near whisper as he chanced reach a hand to her cheek.
"Michael, I'm not just someone who can be there for you when you come home," she said softly. "I can't just be someone who's there for you when it's convenient, or someone you can push away when you don't think it's safe. I'm either there, or I'm not. Good or bad."
He pulled his hand from the air, curled it into a fist, and punched her door. His eyes closed and his jaw locked. "That isn't what I meant," he grumbled. He unclenched his fist and pushed his hand through his hair. He kept his eyes closed. "I'm not good at this," he muttered. He sighed. "I...mean that...I want you there. Just...as you."
"Well, this is me, Michael. I never gave you anything less."
"And I never asked for anything more or less. I can work on the protective thing, but...you have to understand that...I don't care." He finally looked at her. "I don't care who you are to other people, I don't care that I have no idea what you do for a living, and I don't care about...whatever...you seem to think turns people away from you. I just...care about you. I love you, Bela."
She faltered slightly, taking a step back from him. It was one thing to hear him say it over the phone, and it was another to actually have him say it to her face. She wasn't quite sure what to do with that, and no one had actually really said it to her before. She just continued to back away from him slowly, not planning on stopping unless he caught her.
He watched her moving away for a few beats then stepped inside and closed the door behind himself. He moved towards her. His strides were longer so he got there sooner. "Bela, honey." His hand reached for her arm. He wanted to grab her, but he was worried that would scare her off.
"I can't -- " She stopped moving, her arms sliding around herself as her eyes dropped to the ground, her body just starting to cave on herself. " -- I don't understand." Because there was a disconnect. If he loved her, he wouldn't have shoved her away like that and then claim it was to protect her. The logic was flawed, and she didn't know how to make it make sense.
The moment he saw her crumbling, his arm was around her waist and he was moving closer. She could shove him away if she wanted. She could hit him, kick him, he didn't care. He brought her as close as he could with her arms being in the way and any resistance on her part. "I'm sorry," he said. "I'm so sorry I hurt you." He turned his face towards the side of her head, breathing her in. "I'm sorry," he murmured.
One hand came up to put some distance between them, but there wasn't much force behind it. She didn't fight him much as he pulled her in closer, closing her eyes and trying to will herself not to crack. She wanted him there, like this, but she couldn't give in quite that easily. She needed to make sure he wasn't just going to cast her aside again, and she didn't know how to do that.
He let her have her space, but still kept her supported. His free hand moved lightly to her cheek and he turned her head to face him. He looked her face over with a sigh. "Look at me," he whispered. Her eyes blinked up at him, and she tried to steel herself over, not let herself seem vulnerable, even though that was probably the only thing she was right then.
He needed her to see his eyes right then. He needed her to see that he wasn't lying or telling her whatever she needed to here. She needed to see that he was being real with her. His thumb brushed her cheek and he spoke quietly. Slowly. "I'm flawed. I push away the people I love most." He kept his eyes tightly cast on hers. "You are the only woman I have pushed away, then begged to come back."
Her eyes slipped down again, letting her hand fist his shirt slightly. "I can't keep doing this, Michael. Either you want to keep me or you don't. Don't keep yanking me back and forth."
He tried to pull her closer again, still watching her, waiting for find her eyes again. "I'm not. I'm here, Bela. Look at me. I'm here."
"You're here, but the next time someone threatens your family, are you just going to shove me away again?"
"I..." His eyes closed and his forehead dropped to hers. His grip on her tightened, like she would fade if he let go. "I just...can't live with you dying on me again." His voice might have choked up. "I can't take that, Bela."
Her eyes closed and she didn't resist him as much, but she didn't make any move like she was conceding any. "I'm not planning on it. But you can't police my life like that."
"I can work on it," he murmured against her ear. "Anything you want or need...please, Bela. I'm not used to begging...I don't know how much longer I can..." His voice trailed off. His eyes were closed tight, trying so hard to stay there and be whatever he had to be. Bela sighed softly, before leaning in to him a little more, and letting her body relax against him. He adjusted his arms so that they wrapped around her firmly, and he tucked his face into her hair. He wanted to fold her up completely into himself.
She melted into the hold, letting go of all the anger she'd been storing up and just burying herself into him. "Don't throw me away again."
"Never." He held onto her and pushed her hair aside so he could find her face. His lips pressed against her cheek. "I want to be the person who doesn't let you down."
"Pretty tall order," she whispered softly.
"I like a challenge." His hand slid along her neck and to her chin to turn it towards him, then moved his lips to hers. Not too demanding, because he didn't want to get ahead of her...but he needed to kiss her. Badly.
She kissed him back, her hand moving up to slide around his neck and pulling him in closer, not caring that he was soaking wet or that her spirit board and other paraphernalia were spread out across the living room table. As soon as she returned it he grabbed her up off her feet and kissed her desperately. His arms circled her back. He hadn't noticed a damn thing about her apartment aside from her. Plus she'd never bothered to turn the lights on anyway, so it's not like he could see. She leaned into the kiss, pulling him in closer and hoping that he used just enough care not to knock over one of the lit candles.
Michael maneuvered around the table and candles like a pro. He knew how to avoid obstacles when he had his mind on something. He had no grace whatsoever as he let them tumble onto the couch, dropping ontop of her. His hands were all over her right away, tugging at her clothes. She didn't fight him on that, and helped him rid himself of his as well, doing whatever she could to get him closer and feel his skin against hers.
He stopped momentarily to blow the candles out, before moving back over her. "Safety first," he smirked and pulled her close. He left fast, hard kissed along her neck and her chest as his hands felt every inch of skin he could. She gasped slightly at the sensation, her fingers moving over his back as she did and pulling him closer. "Mine," he murmured, nipping at her collarbone. His mouth moved to her shoulder. "And this is mine.." he slid his lips further down her chest. "And this.." She closed her eyes, letting her body arch against him as she followed his lips making their way lower. He couldn't last much longer with the foreplay, he really couldn't resist her at that point. He moved up to claim her lips and take everything that he could. She leaned into the kiss, wrapping an arm around his neck and letting him take control for the moment.
When he fell against her, breathless and even more exhausted, he couldn't close his eyes. He just watched her, tracing his fingers along her face in the barest of light they had. She closed her eyes and leaned in closer against him, wanting to keep him as close as possible. He slipped his hand down to pull her in closer. He set his lips to the side of her head and finally closed his eyes. "I love you," he whispered. It was a difficult three words to say, but if she needed them, he'd say them. And mean it every time.
"I love you too," she said softly, curling in closer to him.
He hadn't expected that and couldn't remember the last time he heard it. He fell into her, relaxing completely, and falling into a very hard sleep. She reached up to pull an afghan down over them, before closing her eyes and drifting off as well.
Michael had struck gold with that one number. He almost felt like an idiot that it had been that simple. One call to this Gert woman and he had Bela's New York address. Of course, Gert had called her Alex, but that didn't surprise Mike. She'd given him another name when they first met. The way Gert spoke of "Alex" made Mike ponder - not for the first time - just what Bela did, but he wasn't going to ask. This was Bela. He wasn't going to betray her by sneaking information about her. Well...other than her address.
Without Carla, Vincent, or the others on his tail, Mike was able to make the drive north. He left the morning after he spoke to Gert, first meeting with Sam's friend as promised. By the time he got to New York, the day had gone and he was exhausted. The majority of his trip had been driven in the rain. He was sore. He was hungry. It didn't matter. He just needed to find her.
Once he pulled into the city and wound his way through the streets, he found a parking spot free a couple blocks from her building. Apperently you had to have a guest pass to park in her building's garage, and since she didn't know he was coming...
He walked the few blocks in the rain, and of course it picked up right away. He ignored the funny looks the doorman gave him and went right for the elevator, shaking himself off. Act like you belong there and no one will question it. Average people don't remember faces nearly as well as they like to believe.
His heart pounded hard in his chest as he stepped onto her floor. He shook himself off again and looked down. There wasn't much he could do about it. His hands moved through his hair to shake some of the water out as he moved for her door. He took a breath and knock, standing tall and determined. Inside he was scared...partly of the situation itself, but mostly of Bela and what she would do when she saw him.
Bela had just finished a seance. She was getting ready to start on another job and had just managed to locate the item when there was a knock on the door. She rolled her eyes slightly at the intrusion, but didn't bother to turn on the lights. She could see well enough in the candle light, and she made her way to the door, pulling it open and freezing completely when she saw who was behind it. "Michael!"
He kept his composure, but his eyes softened quite a bit. He slipped his hands into his pockets and looked around. "Nice place."
"What are you doing here?" she said, not making any move to let him in until she knew what he wanted.
With a slow nod, he cut off the bullshit and looked down at his feet. He thought for a moment before looking back up to her. "Come home, Bela," he said gently.
It took her a moment, before she swallowed, stepping away from the door as she regained her composure. "This is my home, Michael. So I'm not quite sure what you mean by that."
"With me," he said in a certain tone. "Home is with me."
She crossed her arms in front of her chest and narrowed her eyes. "And why would I want to do that?"
"I'm sorry for what I said, Bela." He kept his voice firm. He had to, really. It was the only thing holding him together. "I thought you would be safer away from me and Miami."
"So you tell me that you don't want me in order to get me to leave? That was your best plan?" She didn't bother to try and hide that she was hurt by this. "I told you to stop calling me, Michael. That extended to surprise visits as well." She didn't even want to find out how he got the address. She knew she wasn't going to like it.
"It was better than Carla killing you, yes," he said, his voice rising. "And, yes. You said not to call. You said nothing about not visiting. Can't read your mind over the phone." He might have had a slight smart ass smirk on his lips.
"I said that I didn't want to have contact anymore, Michael, and you don't know that she would have killed me," Bela said stubbornly. "You know nothing about me. I'm harder to kill than you think."
His eyes darkened slightly. "I don't know that she wouldn't have. Ask Victor if he'd ever trust those odds again. Even if you can handle yourself. Which I don't doubt you can, but I couldn't risk that with Carla! You never would have gone somewhere safe, Bela! All you had to do was go with Mom and Sam, but you wouldn't." His face was falling a bit as his hands moved with his words. "You...weren't...letting me keep you safe." The last part came out quiet and strangled. His face was pretty much broken as he stared her down. "What was I supposed to do?"
"You were supposed to let me make that choice," Bela said with a glare. "Not make it for me. And I never asked you to keep me safe. I've been alone for as long as I can remember. I know how to keep myself safe."
"I can't...not take care of the people I care about," he said gently, his body relaxing a bit. "What is wrong with me wanting you to be safe? To not have to protect yourself?" His eyes dropped, as did his voice. "Why..." his hand ran over his face and his fingers squeezed over his eyes. "I want to be the person who takes care of you, even if you don't need it."
Oh, Bela wanted that. But it'd been a long time since someone had tried to take care of her. And letting someone take care of her usually ended badly. "Because I don't like being pushed out of the way like I'm not capable, Michael. You can't protect everyone, and telling someone that you don't want them doesn't keep them from getting hurt."
He frowned, his forehead wrinkling. "And..that kind of hurt...it can't hurt if you care." He stepped closer, bracing his hand to the doorframe and looking down at her. "I handled it wrong, and I'm sorry, but I can't take it back." He watched her closely. "You're capable, Bela, but...don't you ever want to not...have to fight?" His voice went gentle. "Just...be the beautiful woman the jackass of a man comes home to? Every. Single. Day."
"No," she said softly. "Because that's never been all I am. I'm not just anything because things aren't that simple."
"Bela." Her name came out in a near whisper as he chanced reach a hand to her cheek.
"Michael, I'm not just someone who can be there for you when you come home," she said softly. "I can't just be someone who's there for you when it's convenient, or someone you can push away when you don't think it's safe. I'm either there, or I'm not. Good or bad."
He pulled his hand from the air, curled it into a fist, and punched her door. His eyes closed and his jaw locked. "That isn't what I meant," he grumbled. He unclenched his fist and pushed his hand through his hair. He kept his eyes closed. "I'm not good at this," he muttered. He sighed. "I...mean that...I want you there. Just...as you."
"Well, this is me, Michael. I never gave you anything less."
"And I never asked for anything more or less. I can work on the protective thing, but...you have to understand that...I don't care." He finally looked at her. "I don't care who you are to other people, I don't care that I have no idea what you do for a living, and I don't care about...whatever...you seem to think turns people away from you. I just...care about you. I love you, Bela."
She faltered slightly, taking a step back from him. It was one thing to hear him say it over the phone, and it was another to actually have him say it to her face. She wasn't quite sure what to do with that, and no one had actually really said it to her before. She just continued to back away from him slowly, not planning on stopping unless he caught her.
He watched her moving away for a few beats then stepped inside and closed the door behind himself. He moved towards her. His strides were longer so he got there sooner. "Bela, honey." His hand reached for her arm. He wanted to grab her, but he was worried that would scare her off.
"I can't -- " She stopped moving, her arms sliding around herself as her eyes dropped to the ground, her body just starting to cave on herself. " -- I don't understand." Because there was a disconnect. If he loved her, he wouldn't have shoved her away like that and then claim it was to protect her. The logic was flawed, and she didn't know how to make it make sense.
The moment he saw her crumbling, his arm was around her waist and he was moving closer. She could shove him away if she wanted. She could hit him, kick him, he didn't care. He brought her as close as he could with her arms being in the way and any resistance on her part. "I'm sorry," he said. "I'm so sorry I hurt you." He turned his face towards the side of her head, breathing her in. "I'm sorry," he murmured.
One hand came up to put some distance between them, but there wasn't much force behind it. She didn't fight him much as he pulled her in closer, closing her eyes and trying to will herself not to crack. She wanted him there, like this, but she couldn't give in quite that easily. She needed to make sure he wasn't just going to cast her aside again, and she didn't know how to do that.
He let her have her space, but still kept her supported. His free hand moved lightly to her cheek and he turned her head to face him. He looked her face over with a sigh. "Look at me," he whispered. Her eyes blinked up at him, and she tried to steel herself over, not let herself seem vulnerable, even though that was probably the only thing she was right then.
He needed her to see his eyes right then. He needed her to see that he wasn't lying or telling her whatever she needed to here. She needed to see that he was being real with her. His thumb brushed her cheek and he spoke quietly. Slowly. "I'm flawed. I push away the people I love most." He kept his eyes tightly cast on hers. "You are the only woman I have pushed away, then begged to come back."
Her eyes slipped down again, letting her hand fist his shirt slightly. "I can't keep doing this, Michael. Either you want to keep me or you don't. Don't keep yanking me back and forth."
He tried to pull her closer again, still watching her, waiting for find her eyes again. "I'm not. I'm here, Bela. Look at me. I'm here."
"You're here, but the next time someone threatens your family, are you just going to shove me away again?"
"I..." His eyes closed and his forehead dropped to hers. His grip on her tightened, like she would fade if he let go. "I just...can't live with you dying on me again." His voice might have choked up. "I can't take that, Bela."
Her eyes closed and she didn't resist him as much, but she didn't make any move like she was conceding any. "I'm not planning on it. But you can't police my life like that."
"I can work on it," he murmured against her ear. "Anything you want or need...please, Bela. I'm not used to begging...I don't know how much longer I can..." His voice trailed off. His eyes were closed tight, trying so hard to stay there and be whatever he had to be. Bela sighed softly, before leaning in to him a little more, and letting her body relax against him. He adjusted his arms so that they wrapped around her firmly, and he tucked his face into her hair. He wanted to fold her up completely into himself.
She melted into the hold, letting go of all the anger she'd been storing up and just burying herself into him. "Don't throw me away again."
"Never." He held onto her and pushed her hair aside so he could find her face. His lips pressed against her cheek. "I want to be the person who doesn't let you down."
"Pretty tall order," she whispered softly.
"I like a challenge." His hand slid along her neck and to her chin to turn it towards him, then moved his lips to hers. Not too demanding, because he didn't want to get ahead of her...but he needed to kiss her. Badly.
She kissed him back, her hand moving up to slide around his neck and pulling him in closer, not caring that he was soaking wet or that her spirit board and other paraphernalia were spread out across the living room table. As soon as she returned it he grabbed her up off her feet and kissed her desperately. His arms circled her back. He hadn't noticed a damn thing about her apartment aside from her. Plus she'd never bothered to turn the lights on anyway, so it's not like he could see. She leaned into the kiss, pulling him in closer and hoping that he used just enough care not to knock over one of the lit candles.
Michael maneuvered around the table and candles like a pro. He knew how to avoid obstacles when he had his mind on something. He had no grace whatsoever as he let them tumble onto the couch, dropping ontop of her. His hands were all over her right away, tugging at her clothes. She didn't fight him on that, and helped him rid himself of his as well, doing whatever she could to get him closer and feel his skin against hers.
He stopped momentarily to blow the candles out, before moving back over her. "Safety first," he smirked and pulled her close. He left fast, hard kissed along her neck and her chest as his hands felt every inch of skin he could. She gasped slightly at the sensation, her fingers moving over his back as she did and pulling him closer. "Mine," he murmured, nipping at her collarbone. His mouth moved to her shoulder. "And this is mine.." he slid his lips further down her chest. "And this.." She closed her eyes, letting her body arch against him as she followed his lips making their way lower. He couldn't last much longer with the foreplay, he really couldn't resist her at that point. He moved up to claim her lips and take everything that he could. She leaned into the kiss, wrapping an arm around his neck and letting him take control for the moment.
When he fell against her, breathless and even more exhausted, he couldn't close his eyes. He just watched her, tracing his fingers along her face in the barest of light they had. She closed her eyes and leaned in closer against him, wanting to keep him as close as possible. He slipped his hand down to pull her in closer. He set his lips to the side of her head and finally closed his eyes. "I love you," he whispered. It was a difficult three words to say, but if she needed them, he'd say them. And mean it every time.
"I love you too," she said softly, curling in closer to him.
He hadn't expected that and couldn't remember the last time he heard it. He fell into her, relaxing completely, and falling into a very hard sleep. She reached up to pull an afghan down over them, before closing her eyes and drifting off as well.