[JMM] Star Trek quote
[Cowritten with the awesome lawyerlarry who is technically retired, but his mun loves me. Set after THIS.]
“Every moment of pleasure in life has to be purchased by an equal moment of pain.”
She had planned on heading straight back to New York, but in the end she just stayed on the highway and wound up driving right past it, continuing heading North towards Massachusetts. She didn't know where she was going at first -- just letting herself drive to clear her head -- but it didn't take long for her to figure out where she was going.
She was such an idiot. She knew she should have just left Miami when she had the chance. Before she got too -- embedded in everything and attached. She should have known that she wouldn't be able to get anything from Michael, and she should have left before she'd gotten in over her head. Before she opened herself up enough to get hurt. Before she'd allowed herself to fall for him without even realizing it.
It didn't happen often that she got invested enough in a person to care to stick around when things got bloody. It wasn't often that she'd be willing to take that kind of risk, to stick around when Bobby explicitly told her not to, going back there when she knew it was probably going to get her killed, but she did. She stuck around despite the threats that Victor and Carla presented. She did her best to try and be there for him. And all she gets repaid with was him telling her that there was nothing for her there. And that probably hurt worse than any bullet that someone could put in her.
She hadn't stopped driving since she had started, and when she pulled to a stop in front of Larry's bar, she was too tired to move. It had been a long, overly emotional year, and all she wanted to do was just collapse and disappear. This was another reason why she shouldn't have survived the hellhounds. It wasn't like she had anything to live for anyway. She leaned forward, resting her forehead against the steering wheel and trying to pull herself together and keep from falling apart.
It wasn't exactly working so well.
Larry had stepped outside the bar to grab something from his car when he spotted Bela's car. At first he didn't realize it was her. He just saw a woman leaning forward, obviously upset. Being Larry, he tilted his head and watched for a moment to see if he could help at all. And as he stared longer, he got a quick glimpse and realized who it was. He hadn't seen Bela in a long time and he had been wondering what she had been up to. He chewed on his lip and moved to the passenger window. He crouched down and knocked on it, peering in at her.
Bela jumped slightly at the sound of someone knocking on her window, and she looked up, startled, before moving a hand up quickly to brush her hands under her eyes. She'd hoped to at least get a hold of herself before she saw anyone, but there wasn't really anything she could do about it now. She gave him a small smile through the window, before starting to open the door and climb out. "I was hoping to meet you inside as oppose to out here, but -- apparently beggars can't be choosers."
As she got out he walked around to the other side of the car to meet her. He sighed slightly and watched her, then opened his arms, giving her a look. "C'mon."
She was ready to brush it off at first, say that she was fine, really, but she was too tired to even try and put up the front and just leaned into the hug, sliding her arms around his waist and resting her forehead against his shoulder. She was still trying to hold herself together, so she wasn't breaking down entirely, but she started to relax a little more, feeling a bit more comforted than she had earlier.
He hugged her tightly and rubbed her back. This was not a way he had ever seen her and he wasn't all too sure what to do with it. He didn't know what could cause Bela of all people to seem knocked down like this. So he kept quiet, holding her tightly, and waiting.
It was a few moments, before she pulled back with a shaky breath, and gave him a small smile. "I'm sorry -- it's been a long drive. I've been on the road for two days, and I'm just -- exhausted."
He nodded and looked down at her. "I could drive you over to the house if you want. You could sleep."
She paused, considering this for a moment. She wanted a drink, but she needed to sleep. She could always drink later, she supposed. She didn't say anything, just nodded and let herself follow his lead to wherever he was going to take her, too tired to really care otherwise.
He guided her over to his car and helped her into the passenger seat, before poking back in the bar for a moment to tell Scotty he'd be back later. Then he came back out and got in the driver's seat and pulled into the street, starting to head home with her. He glanced at her as they drove. "At least tell me you're okay," he said gently.
She glanced up at him in surprise after a moment, before nodding. "I'm fine. Or I will be." There was a pause, and her eyes turned back out towards the window. "I just should know better, that's all."
He gave into silence for a beat or two. When he pulled up to a red light, he looked over at her again. "Better than what?"
She was ready to put actual words to it, but that pushed her too close to an edge that she didn't want to fall over. She was well aware that she could just let herself fall into tears and Larry wouldn't judge her for it, but she wasn't quite ready to lose her grip on rationality quite yet. She didn't know how to answer the question without having him worry about her, and that was a problem. "It's nothing. It's just been a long year."
He didn't believe her, but he sighed and nodded. "Okay," he said quietly. As he turned the corner for his street, he reached out and took her hand with a squeeze. He held onto it as he drove down the street and pulled into his driveway.
When the car came to a stop, she didn't move right away, and she didn't let go of his hand either. Her body tilted to the side, letting the side of her head rest against the window of the car. All she wanted was to not be alone. She wasn't sure if that was too much to ask anymore, but she was starting to think that she was better off that way -- just keeping her distance and staying far away, just like she always had.
Larry reached down and unbuckled her seat belt, then moved his arm around her shoulders and pulled her over against himself.
She leaned into the hold, closing her eyes and trying not to think about what she left behind. "I don't blame him, really."
He rubbed her shoulder lightly and pressed a light kiss to the top of her head. "Blame who?"
"Doesn't matter," she said softly. "He didn't want me around and I certainly don't blame him."
Larry snorted. "I do. Who is this idiot? Want me to go beat him up?" The last part added with a slight smirk.
She closed her eyes with a slight smile before shaking her head. "Doesn't matter. I probably won't have to see him ever again anyway. And -- beating him up probably won't get you anywhere."
"Well...lucky for you, I want you here for as long as you want to stay." He nodded. "Whoever this guy is he’s an idiot."
She shifted slightly so that she was looking at him more. "I'm damaged goods. I'm better off by myself."
He shook his head and looked back at her. The words stung him a bit, his mind going to someone else who seemed to think the same thing. "No one is better alone, damaged or not. We're...we're all damaged in some way or another."
Bela's eyes dropped again, her fingers starting to play with each other as she tried to figure out what to say. "I'm a little more damaged than most."
Larry smirked with a shrug. "Have you met the woman I'm crazy about?" He shook his head. "You're a great girl, Bela. Whatever the damage is. If this guy can't see that...he doesn't deserve you."
"Not just him," she said softly. "I'm more trouble than I'm worth. No one ever seems to think I'm worth -- keeping." Having, yes. They'd have her for however long they wanted her, but no one ever seemed to want to keep her. That was what stung more than anything else.
That right there pretty much broke his heart into pieces. He moved his hand to her shoulder and watched her. "What about me? I want to keep you. Maybe...not in the way another man might, but.." his knuckle tapped her chin lightly so she would look at him. "You're kinda stuck with me til I die."
She watched him for a moment, before squeezing his hand lightly. "Thank you, Larry."
"You're welcome," he nodded.
She closed her eyes again, after a moment, before starting to rub them softly. "I really should get some sleep."
"Then let's go inside." He got out and opened her door for her to help her out, and led her to the front door. "No one's around so it'll be nice and quiet for a change."
"Good," she nodded, just leaning into his hold and letting him lead the way.
He guided her upstairs to Sam's bedroom that served as the guest room whenever Sam was off at school. "The bed is all yours. There are towels out here in the bathroom if you decide to take a shower. You're welcome to anything in the kitchen." He leaned against the door frame of the bedroom. "Stay as long as you need."
She nodded slowly, glancing around, before looking back over at Larry. "Thank you, again, Larry. I know I didn't really give you any notice."
He shrugged. "It's okay. Just...get some rest." He backed out of the room and closed the door behind himself.
Bela shed her coat and shoes and climbed into bed under the covers. She didn't want to go to sleep alone, but at the moment she was too tired to care. She'd deal with the implications in the morning, pick up and start her life all over again, but for the time being -- all she wanted to do was sleep. The world and everything else could wait.
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“Every moment of pleasure in life has to be purchased by an equal moment of pain.”
She had planned on heading straight back to New York, but in the end she just stayed on the highway and wound up driving right past it, continuing heading North towards Massachusetts. She didn't know where she was going at first -- just letting herself drive to clear her head -- but it didn't take long for her to figure out where she was going.
She was such an idiot. She knew she should have just left Miami when she had the chance. Before she got too -- embedded in everything and attached. She should have known that she wouldn't be able to get anything from Michael, and she should have left before she'd gotten in over her head. Before she opened herself up enough to get hurt. Before she'd allowed herself to fall for him without even realizing it.
It didn't happen often that she got invested enough in a person to care to stick around when things got bloody. It wasn't often that she'd be willing to take that kind of risk, to stick around when Bobby explicitly told her not to, going back there when she knew it was probably going to get her killed, but she did. She stuck around despite the threats that Victor and Carla presented. She did her best to try and be there for him. And all she gets repaid with was him telling her that there was nothing for her there. And that probably hurt worse than any bullet that someone could put in her.
She hadn't stopped driving since she had started, and when she pulled to a stop in front of Larry's bar, she was too tired to move. It had been a long, overly emotional year, and all she wanted to do was just collapse and disappear. This was another reason why she shouldn't have survived the hellhounds. It wasn't like she had anything to live for anyway. She leaned forward, resting her forehead against the steering wheel and trying to pull herself together and keep from falling apart.
It wasn't exactly working so well.
Larry had stepped outside the bar to grab something from his car when he spotted Bela's car. At first he didn't realize it was her. He just saw a woman leaning forward, obviously upset. Being Larry, he tilted his head and watched for a moment to see if he could help at all. And as he stared longer, he got a quick glimpse and realized who it was. He hadn't seen Bela in a long time and he had been wondering what she had been up to. He chewed on his lip and moved to the passenger window. He crouched down and knocked on it, peering in at her.
Bela jumped slightly at the sound of someone knocking on her window, and she looked up, startled, before moving a hand up quickly to brush her hands under her eyes. She'd hoped to at least get a hold of herself before she saw anyone, but there wasn't really anything she could do about it now. She gave him a small smile through the window, before starting to open the door and climb out. "I was hoping to meet you inside as oppose to out here, but -- apparently beggars can't be choosers."
As she got out he walked around to the other side of the car to meet her. He sighed slightly and watched her, then opened his arms, giving her a look. "C'mon."
She was ready to brush it off at first, say that she was fine, really, but she was too tired to even try and put up the front and just leaned into the hug, sliding her arms around his waist and resting her forehead against his shoulder. She was still trying to hold herself together, so she wasn't breaking down entirely, but she started to relax a little more, feeling a bit more comforted than she had earlier.
He hugged her tightly and rubbed her back. This was not a way he had ever seen her and he wasn't all too sure what to do with it. He didn't know what could cause Bela of all people to seem knocked down like this. So he kept quiet, holding her tightly, and waiting.
It was a few moments, before she pulled back with a shaky breath, and gave him a small smile. "I'm sorry -- it's been a long drive. I've been on the road for two days, and I'm just -- exhausted."
He nodded and looked down at her. "I could drive you over to the house if you want. You could sleep."
She paused, considering this for a moment. She wanted a drink, but she needed to sleep. She could always drink later, she supposed. She didn't say anything, just nodded and let herself follow his lead to wherever he was going to take her, too tired to really care otherwise.
He guided her over to his car and helped her into the passenger seat, before poking back in the bar for a moment to tell Scotty he'd be back later. Then he came back out and got in the driver's seat and pulled into the street, starting to head home with her. He glanced at her as they drove. "At least tell me you're okay," he said gently.
She glanced up at him in surprise after a moment, before nodding. "I'm fine. Or I will be." There was a pause, and her eyes turned back out towards the window. "I just should know better, that's all."
He gave into silence for a beat or two. When he pulled up to a red light, he looked over at her again. "Better than what?"
She was ready to put actual words to it, but that pushed her too close to an edge that she didn't want to fall over. She was well aware that she could just let herself fall into tears and Larry wouldn't judge her for it, but she wasn't quite ready to lose her grip on rationality quite yet. She didn't know how to answer the question without having him worry about her, and that was a problem. "It's nothing. It's just been a long year."
He didn't believe her, but he sighed and nodded. "Okay," he said quietly. As he turned the corner for his street, he reached out and took her hand with a squeeze. He held onto it as he drove down the street and pulled into his driveway.
When the car came to a stop, she didn't move right away, and she didn't let go of his hand either. Her body tilted to the side, letting the side of her head rest against the window of the car. All she wanted was to not be alone. She wasn't sure if that was too much to ask anymore, but she was starting to think that she was better off that way -- just keeping her distance and staying far away, just like she always had.
Larry reached down and unbuckled her seat belt, then moved his arm around her shoulders and pulled her over against himself.
She leaned into the hold, closing her eyes and trying not to think about what she left behind. "I don't blame him, really."
He rubbed her shoulder lightly and pressed a light kiss to the top of her head. "Blame who?"
"Doesn't matter," she said softly. "He didn't want me around and I certainly don't blame him."
Larry snorted. "I do. Who is this idiot? Want me to go beat him up?" The last part added with a slight smirk.
She closed her eyes with a slight smile before shaking her head. "Doesn't matter. I probably won't have to see him ever again anyway. And -- beating him up probably won't get you anywhere."
"Well...lucky for you, I want you here for as long as you want to stay." He nodded. "Whoever this guy is he’s an idiot."
She shifted slightly so that she was looking at him more. "I'm damaged goods. I'm better off by myself."
He shook his head and looked back at her. The words stung him a bit, his mind going to someone else who seemed to think the same thing. "No one is better alone, damaged or not. We're...we're all damaged in some way or another."
Bela's eyes dropped again, her fingers starting to play with each other as she tried to figure out what to say. "I'm a little more damaged than most."
Larry smirked with a shrug. "Have you met the woman I'm crazy about?" He shook his head. "You're a great girl, Bela. Whatever the damage is. If this guy can't see that...he doesn't deserve you."
"Not just him," she said softly. "I'm more trouble than I'm worth. No one ever seems to think I'm worth -- keeping." Having, yes. They'd have her for however long they wanted her, but no one ever seemed to want to keep her. That was what stung more than anything else.
That right there pretty much broke his heart into pieces. He moved his hand to her shoulder and watched her. "What about me? I want to keep you. Maybe...not in the way another man might, but.." his knuckle tapped her chin lightly so she would look at him. "You're kinda stuck with me til I die."
She watched him for a moment, before squeezing his hand lightly. "Thank you, Larry."
"You're welcome," he nodded.
She closed her eyes again, after a moment, before starting to rub them softly. "I really should get some sleep."
"Then let's go inside." He got out and opened her door for her to help her out, and led her to the front door. "No one's around so it'll be nice and quiet for a change."
"Good," she nodded, just leaning into his hold and letting him lead the way.
He guided her upstairs to Sam's bedroom that served as the guest room whenever Sam was off at school. "The bed is all yours. There are towels out here in the bathroom if you decide to take a shower. You're welcome to anything in the kitchen." He leaned against the door frame of the bedroom. "Stay as long as you need."
She nodded slowly, glancing around, before looking back over at Larry. "Thank you, again, Larry. I know I didn't really give you any notice."
He shrugged. "It's okay. Just...get some rest." He backed out of the room and closed the door behind himself.
Bela shed her coat and shoes and climbed into bed under the covers. She didn't want to go to sleep alone, but at the moment she was too tired to care. She'd deal with the implications in the morning, pick up and start her life all over again, but for the time being -- all she wanted to do was sleep. The world and everything else could wait.
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