(no subject)

[enjoimychaos]

i totally messed up everything that i wanted to do. so much for not getting involved anymore. i just dont understand why i do this to myself. am i too nice of a person? i dont want to see people lose in life, after becoming friends with them, and watch them hit bottom while i could have done something about it.

i totally screwed up yesterday, at my job...and i wasnt even working

i cant stop all these bad thoughts in my head. i feel that something is always going to go wrong and i want to be able to do something about it but i cant. that made me feel helpless, useless, and a bad person. i have touble sleeping at night because i think about my entire day, and the only things i dwell on are the bad things that happened, or what people thought of me after i did, or said something.

im afraid that i got myself into this mess and i say that i want out and it ends up that i dont even try to get out.

all i want are some real friends, that dont care about the idiot i've become. im still jen kane. somethings have changed, but not a lot. i want friends that aren't screw ups, that dont pressure me into anything i dont want to do. here's a list of a few:

Sue
Coley
Terri
Jill
Greg
Matt
Lyndsay
Manda
Kate Adams
Andrea
Kim Walsh

there are more i promise....maybe...

i just need to get away and take a vacation from my life for a lil bit.